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I had to put some thought into this round. Which is why I waited until I sobered up to read them.
A - I was pleased to see a humorous take, that's what I thought when I read the logline. It was decent but never really took the ball and ran with it. Much like the fake body.
B - Easiest read of the three. Sharp vile imagery was muddied by the pill business. Tread very familiar territory, but got through it pretty well overall.
C - Strikingly similar to B, but with less humpy and more talky. I preferred C until the excessive exposition climax undermined the tale.
My vote goes to B. I felt overall it was the most well rounded package.
Best joke goes to A, 36D apartment, classy.
E.D.
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These are very similar in level, story, dialogue and action a tad clunky in all of them.
A is a comic look at the horny wife’s problem but the body didn’t stay down.
B is a well written story of a vengeful husband who falls victim to his wife’s revenge. Loved the visual of the glasses and the handwritten signs. Had to suspend belief that the pain of missing eyes wouldn’t disable/kill the wife.
C is also a well written story of a vengeful husband who takes his own life. Again someone’s eyes are missing. Loved the “better or worse” lines.
I can't really buy into any of A. Nothing wrong with the writing though, which is effective.
Clearly it's meant as humor, as it isn't even remotely plausible, even with the most generous suspension of disbelief. The question is, is it funny? I don't know, maybe with the right actors. Perhaps with more time to develop the story, build some more one liners in. Hell, if we're going to go this far, she should be willing to hump a guy with a dead guy in the bed next to her. Maybe that could be funny, especially if he wakes up and grabs her, and she does not react in shock, but in further arousal. She could be like, "don't just lie there dead, do something!" Or maybe "I hope one part of you is still stiff!"
I kind of wonder if one of the writers sent in two stories, and A was a quirky experiment. Maybe A and B are the same author?
B was the best written I think. And I really liked the optometrist's obsession with her eyes. That really fits, seems like plausible horror. I had two problems, both mentioned above. I didn't know what the pills were(I liked the joke about the viagra a lot; seemed very realistic). I guess he just slipped some poison in knowing the guy would steal them. Very plausible. But why does he leave the poison around after? Where his blind wife can find it? That's kind of a big flaw. Actually, I think you should end this without killing him, and get rid of the stunt where he has the message on her glasses. Things should be normalized with them: she is still horny, except now she is blind, and it's harder to cheat. And he still has the eyes he loves so much, except in a jar.
The other issue with B is the eye gouging. I actually wrote a story myself a couple months ago, not posted, where people are forced to remove one of their own eyes. It's definitely tough to create the kind of believable threat that would make someone do that. In this case, I do think she would beg more. Her husband would have to really make his threat of killing her seem believable and immanent.
C is pretty visual, the dialogue is well done, and it's pretty emotionally sharp. I had no problem with him killing himself. Rational? No, of course not. But he's in a crazed state of mind. He's facing jail anyway after what he did. Killing himself gets him out, and is a further revenge on his wife, who might now be saddled with guilt.
There is something missing from C though. I mean just that there isn't enough there. I know it's only 5 pages and 2 days, I just think there needs to be one more thing, I don't know what, to at least make a story here. Right now all you have is a lady cheating on her husband in a very unoriginal way, he knows about it, kills the guy, confronts his wife, kills himself. There's nothing, no image or plot event, that would make one remember this story.
How bout something weird? Like Jake was not her lover, but a son from a previous relationship, which she kept secret? the husband assumed, because his wife is so horny, and was wrong?
I don't know. Maybe something else. C could definitely work, just needs one more something.
Tough call between B and C. Comedy is hard, so A dropped off for me. If there was a round two, I suspect C could add something that would bring it to the top, but as they are: B
James. Congrats * I guess your apology re a steaming turd of an entry was a little early.
Jon, very cool of you to vote for James. I liked your “better or worse” line because of the tie in to wedding vows. If that was intentional or not, kudos.
Thanks for being good sports about my first attempt at a sex and comedy script. I’m glad the 36D pun seemed to work.
I guess I'll give it one more go. I'm very surprised. I thought gary's had the potential to win it if He set up that ending a little better. I thought most of the writing itself was all on par for all three scripts. Every thing about this logline screamed for comedy, i just couldn't come up with the story. Thanks to all who read and voted.
Vote for A, B or C
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Showdown #7 James vs Jon
Logged
I think the outcome of this one is clear...I'm ready to own up if Michael will allow? 
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