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Murder on the Simply Express - Killer Game (currently 5256 views)
mcornetto
Posted: November 12th, 2011, 5:06pm
Guest User
LOUNGE
Everyone jumps. U turns toward the sound, he frowns.
U You know that's why you never get movies, you can't follow directions. I told you to close these doors gently – but no you have to slam them!
STEWARD Sorry...sorry.
E Who the hell cares about him? Stop stalling and tell us why we're here - I need to wash my hands again.
U You mean you don't know? It's obvious.
C Yeah, stop being so subtle, I hate subtle.
A Yeah, he's too stupid for subtle.
C What's that supposed to mean?
A It means you're an idiot, "Chuckie Saturn".
C That was just a character on a show. It doesn't...
U At least he didn't lose half the production budget gambling on the horses and then claim that the non-existent special effects ate the money up.
C I didn't...
U No but he did. You've all screwed me over at some point or another, haven't you?
They hang their heads with shame.
U Would you like me to go through the list?
There's a few nos but mostly they just shake their heads. All except Z.
Z So, what? You brought us all here to kill us? That seems a bit harsh.
U Kill you? That was not the plan.
Z And we're supposed to believe you?
U Ask Y.
Z Alright, why?
U No "Y". Over there...
But he's not there.
U Funny, he was there a minute ago.
COLD STORAGE
Y stands near the three bodies. His head lowered solemly.
Y I loved you so much.
He shakes a defiant fist in the air.
Y Why did this have to happen. Why, oh why?
LOUNGE
The gun shakes in Z's hand.
Z He's the one killing us?
U No. I brought him on board to do his job. Special effects. I was planning quite a scare. Then I showed up.
Z You were planning a scare then you showed up?
U No. I am U. I the imposter showed up.
E Oy vey. I'm so confused.
Q Me too. I think it's time we stopped this letter bullshit.
Assent from the passengers.
Q I don't know why you made us do that in the first place.
P Too increase our suffering, probably.
U Ok. Ok. As you wish. Even though it's against the rules, you may call yourselves by your real names – if you know them. Now back to I, uh, Sean. The person claiming to be Sean – was not him.
ZANE So Sean was an imposter. And the killer?
MICHAEL Maybe. It's hard to tell.
STEWARD Excuse me sir, but you have cameras in every room of this train.
REBEKAH What?!
MICHAEL My apologies. It was necessary. Unfortunately whomever committed the murders knew about the surviellence and avoided it. I couldn't see who it was.
ZANE I think it's Sean. The real Sean.
JEFF No way. It's always someone you never suspect and that's never foreshadowed. So many movies suck just for that reason. And real life always follows the movies, so...
REBEKAH Is there a camera in the ladies too?
The lights go out.
MICHAEL Don't panic, we must be going through a tunnel.
There's a scream.
REBEKAH Someone touched me.
BRETT That was me. Sorry.
Another scream, male this time.
JEFF Then who's touching me!
BANG! THUD!
MICHAEL People! The lights will return any...
The lights go back on.
MICHAEL There, that's better.
In the aisle lies the dead Steward, blood oozes from his back. Everyone's attention ends up there. Then each in turn stare at Zane and his smoking gun.
ZANE It was an accident... I...
Zane shaken, drops the gun, runs off.
COLD STORAGE
Darren S lies down next to Sandra's cold corpse. He sobs.
DARREN S Why did they have to take you so young? So beautiful?
SANDRA You really think I'm young and beautiful?
Darren S feigns shock. He jokes.
DARREN S She's alive, I tell you. Alive! Alive!
SANDRA Did I really convince them I was dead?
DARREN S You certainly did, sweetheart!
They kiss.
SANDRA I need a shower. Wash this make-up off me.
DARREN S I kind of like how you look in it. Turns me on.
He shimmies closer to her.
SANDRA You're sick.
He looks dejected.
SANDRA Lucky for you, I like that in a man.
He smiles, puts his lips against hers, pushes her onto her back, climbs on top of her.
She pushes him away.
SANDRA You want to do it right here? There's real dead people here.
Zane runs at full speed, looking back over his shoulder as he goes.
Gabe appears behind him, also running full tilt.
GABE Nowhere to go, you bastard. Give it up.
Zane opens the door to the next car, slams it shut behind him.
Jeff and Brett enter the corridor, winded before they even reach a jog. Jeff holds the gun awkwardly in front of him.
JEFF Stay with him, Gabe. We got your back.
Gabe reaches the door, turns the handle back and forth.
Nothing.
He turns in frustration.
GABE Fucker somehow locked the door. I can't budge it.
DINING
Zane slows to a trot, watches as the door shakes behind him, to no avail. He exhales, turns and takes off towards the back of the train.
COLD STORAGE
Sandra and Darren S continue to make out like High Schoolers on a first date...long, wet, sloppy kisses.
Sandra pushes him away, a seductive look on her face. She licks her lips, as she rips off her top, exposing her more than abundant rack.
Darren S smiles.
DARREN S Damn...there they are. All is once again right in the world. I love those fucking things.
Sandra breathes heavily, excited.
SANDRA I can't believe how turned on I am. Is it the corpses around us, or has it been way too long since I felt you inside me?
Darren S looks down at the two dead bodies, then back to Sandra and her rock hard, torpedo shaped cantaloupes.
DARREN S Babe, I'm seriously hoping it's not the corpses. That's pretty sick. I think you got really turned on by Pia's rack and the thought of the hot, sweaty Menage, we almost had.
Sandra strips naked like a bunny in heat.
SANDRA Get those fucking clothes off, lover. I need to see that hairy dick of yours and I need to see it NOW!
Darren giggles nervously, looks around, down to to the cold dead blank faces of the recently departed.
DARREN S I feel weird. Let's go back to the sleeper and do this up right.
Sandra scowls, hands on her curvaceous hips.
SANDRA If it wasn't for that 70's Afro you've grown on your cock and balls your entire life, I'd bale and and get me a real man. Where's your sense of adven -
The business end of a "S.M.A.T." erupts in a torrent of blood from Sandra's left breast.
The impact sends her forward toward Darren S.
Darren S ducks, as the sharp end embeds itself into the wall, just above his head.
He turns quickly toward the entrance, as a short, balding, dark skinned man disappears from sight.
Darren S's eyes go wide, as tears stream down his face.
DARREN S You bastard! You killed her...my fucking Sandra...you killed her!
He grabs the S.M.A.T., frees it from the wall with a mighty heave.
Sandra's body falls backward in a heap...dead eyes stare blankly.
Darren S turns, runs toward the exit.
A "Big STIK Tomahawk" greats him at the doorway, buries itself in his shoulder.
He goes down instantly.
A pair of African American hands reach in, pulls the heavy track tool free.
Michael I gotta find a notepad and pen. I'm keeping a damage report.
Brett opens the ladies bathroom.
REBAKAH Brett? That's the ladies bathroom.
BRETT The men's bathroom's occupied and it's only to wash my hands. Keep an eye out.
He enters.
LOUNGE
RENE How's that shoulder?
DARREN It f**king hurts.
RENE Let me see.
Rene looks at it.
RENE Keep pressure on it.
DARREN Whats going on over there?
RENE looks down at the CORRIDOR.
RENE Rebekah's in the Corridor and Michael's looking into each of our rooms.
Darren pushes Rene out of his way, gets up, and runs to.
CORRIDOR
where Michael is entering sleeper 2.
Darren enters SLEEPER 3 and locks it.
RENE (O.S.) Hey!
JEFF (O.S.) There's two bodies here!
Rene goes to Rebekah.
Rene stands at the doorway of
SLEEPER 2.
and sees Michael trashing the area.
REBEKAH Jeff called. Found two bodies.
Michael has a piece of paper and pen.
Rebekah, Rene, Brett, and Michael go.
COLD STORAGE
Gabe has Zane to the wall.
JEFF Seeley and Sandra's dead.
Seeley's on the ground with a Big STIK Tomahawk wedged in his face. Sandra's on the floor, blood spews from what use to be her left breast.
ZANE (to Gabe) Let go of me!
GABE As if.
Michael writes on the wall.
JEFF (to Michael) What are you doing?
MICHAEL Damage report of the train.
JEFF How do you expect us to pay for that if we die?
MICHAEL If you die, it'll be taken out of your property. I'm not going to be responsible for paying.
ZANE (to Gabe) I didn't do anything.
GABE You killed a man.
MICHAEL Steward.
ZANE It was by accident.
GABE Sure.
JEFF (to Michael) I didn't damage anything.
MICHAEL We'll see about that.
JEFF What do you mean by that?
MICHAEL I'm checking rooms.
JEFF Don't you...
REBEKAH SHUT UP!
Gabe, Zane, Michael, Brett, Rene, and Jeff turn to Rebekah.
REBEKAH Someone's killing us! What are we going to do about that?!
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
Darren clutches his bag against his chest with his good arm as if it is the most precious thing in the world to him.
He reaches into his jacket and recovers his hip flask with the other hand.
Realization dawns on him as he recalls it is still empty.
DARREN Damn it!
He hurls it against the wall, winces with pain as blood starts to seep through the dressing on his shoulder wound.
DARREN (CONT’D) Son of a bitch!
He stares at his free hand, it starts to shake, sweat beads appear on his brow.
COLD STORAGE
The bodies have been moved into rows, blankets placed over their faces.
“X”, now grey and bled out, eyes wide open in a death stare, is carried into the car feet and shoulders by Jeff and Brett.
Zane sits in a chair, his hands bound behind his back, a strange contrast considering his size and physique.
Gabe watches him, gun pointed, twitchy.
Everyone’s breath steams white clouds as they speak.
REBEKAH Please, somebody...
Michael follows her eye line, pulls a blanket over X’s face.
RENE This is seriously fubar.
ZANE How many times? It was an accident, for god’s sake untie me, I’m a sitting duck!
GABE Just the way I like you. So far you’ve been pretty trigger happy, so I for one am much happier with you just the way you are.
Michael keeps an eye and an ear on their argument.
ZANE I could’ve taken you out with my bare hands if I had anything to hide! I could’ve taken that gun from you and shot all of you without breaking a sweat. But I’m not a killer!
Zane pleads with his eyes to Rebekah.
ZANE (CONT’D) Why would I let you tie me up? Huh?
Rebekah looks away from Zane and down at the dead Steward’s feet poking out from under the blanket.
BRETT There should be six.
Brett counts the bodies under his breath.
BRETT (CONT’D) One-two-three-four-five… There should be six… one-two-three-four-five-six, not five, there’s no six.
GABE Brett, Sean went out the window, his body’s probably halfway to The Atlantic.
Brett chuckles manically to himself.
Rebekah studies Brett, her eyes widen in concern.
BRETT one-two-three-four-five.
Rene watches the others carefully, still clutching his black agenda under his arm.
BRETT (CONT’D) I need to--
RENE Wash your hands? Forget it, from now on we stick together! Which reminds me, someone go get Darren.
JEFF Chuckie Saturn locked himself in his cabin.
MICHAEL You know hand driers are more unhygienic than not washing your hands at all? Hot air driers are a breeding ground for bacteria.
Brett snaps out of his infatuation with the number of bodies, looks at Michael with dawning horror.
GABE (to Rene) Who put you in charge?
MICHAEL They put more germs on then you wash off.
Rebekah laughs with disbelief.
REBEKAH Bacteria!? People are DEAD and you’re talking about personal hygiene!
Michael turns to Rebekah, his back to Brett.
MICHAEL I gave him something else to think about.
Zane watches from his chair.
ZANE You shouldn’t be moving them! The police will want --
GABE Shut up navy boy. (to the others) Is that all of them?
Michael nods solemnly.
MICHAEL As far as I know.
Rebekah weeps a little as she watches Jeff and Brett move the last corpse; “D”, into position
Brett doesn’t look up from his hands and now the blood on his clothes. On all their clothes.
BRETT So who else is on board, Michael?
MICHAEL One more steward and the driver, both up front trying to figure out how to regain control.
REBEKAH One of them must be the murderer.
Michael shakes his head, breathes into his cupped hands.
MICHAEL I… don’t think either one of them is… they’ve been there the whole time. Besides, they don’t even know you, that’s why I hired them.
The group look at each other for a beat, suspicion and paranoia obvious as they edge away, subconsciously trying to grab some safe space.
REBEKAH This can’t be happening.
She desperately tries her cell phone again, shakes with cold and fear.
MICHAEL It’s no good, I saw to it that you couldn’t call for help.
JEFF What?
MICHAEL There’s an EMP device in the control room.
ZANE I knew it! See, It’s Michael, he’s the one who did this to us!
Michael turns to the group, on the edge of a kangaroo court.
MICHAEL No! this whole trip was just meant to teach you a lesson, No one was meant to die!
Zane looks to the make shift morgue.
ZANE Well, you seem to have accomplished the exact opposite you sick fuck!
JEFF You made one of those bodies, Zane, so shut up!
GABE Hey, Jeff, you can sniff out shit acting apparently. Do you believe this crock?
JEFF Someone here is a fucking liar!
MICHAEL Everyone here is a fucking liar!
Rebekah watches the group move away from Zane, their voices fade into the background as they continue to debate and accuse at the back end of the car.
Zane whispers to Rebekah as the others are preoccupied with their accusations.
ZANE Untie me, please, you don’t believe I did it, do you?
REBEKAH I…
She looks to the dead Steward.
Zane pleads his case, looks right into her, calm and level.
ZANE Look, if I was a killer, I mean a real murderer, then why would I have shot him while everyone was here? It was a terrible, tragic accident.
Rebekah looks to the others, then back to Zane for a beat.
ZANE (CONT’D) Did you see how eager Gabe was to get his hands on the gun?
She gives a slight nod, stoops to untie him, a cautious eye on the others.
REBEKAH Zane, it’s Darren… his bag… I was on my way to tell you.
Zane’s eyes narrow.
ZANE What is it?
SLEEPER 3
Darren, grips his wrist, tries to stop the shaking, unzips the bag. He sweats, pale and bloody, whispers something to himself, eyes wide with madness.
DARREN “Stunt gone wrong” my ass, you’ll pay, Brett, you’ll pay.
DARREN’S POV – INSIDE THE BAG
A bundle of red and blue wires hooked up to grey canisters and a digital readout.
Darren’s finger hovers over a green button that is under a protective cover - “ARM” printed on it.
He flips the cover.
He presses the button, the readout blinks “ARMED”.
BACK TO SCENE
Still shaking, Darren pulls a remote detonator, regards the red trigger switch for a moment, takes a deep breath, closes his eyes.
DARREN This is for my daughter you son of a bitch.
Darren’s finger quivers, presses the trigger in a half inch, just a little further...
CKICK! A digital timer changes from 00:00 to 12:00 then starts to count down.
Darren picks up the bag, hefts it over his shoulder. He moves to the door, peeks out.
INT. SLEEPER CORRIDOR
Darren's head sticks out of the door. He looks left and right. No one's around. Darren sneaks out of his cabin, heads to the end of the corridor. A nervous glance behind him before he leaves the sleeper car.
INT. COLD STORAGE
Rebekah stares at Jeff, Michael, Rene, Gabe and Brett who argue with each other. She rolls her eyes in disgust, turns to Zane.
REBEKAH Who are you?
ZANE What do you mean?
REBEKAH You're not a SEAL, I know that.
Zane gapes at her.
ZANE Yes, I am.
REBEKAH okay…what's the SEAL code.
Zane hesitates.
ZANE …uhm…semper fi…
Rebekah rolls her eyes again. Totally disgusted.
REBEKAH I dated a SEAL once. You're nothing like him. He was strong, smart, controlled. Always alert and knew what was going on. He was an expert with weapons and he knew how to fight. He walked straight with his shoulders back. He exuded confidence.
Zane's shoulders slump.
REBEKAH You show none of that. In fact you couldn't even handle Gabe. He's a frikken screenwriter for Petes sake! He sits on his butt all day in front of a computer and makes shit up. His got a soft body. Look at him!
Zane glances over at Gabe.
REBEKAH If you were a SEAL you could have taken him out in your sleep. Also, SEALs don't have accidental shootings.
She unties Zane.
REBEKAH So yes, I believe you. You're no killer.
Zane gazes at Rebekah while he rubs his wrists.
ZANE You're beautiful…even with that green stuff on your face.
Rebekah gets up, stomps over to Gabe. She reaches for the gun.
REBEKAH Give me that!
Startled, Gabe stares at her. Rebekah takes the gun.
GABE Hey!
Everyone's head turns. All eyes on Rebekah.
REBEKAH Zane is not the killer, but I think I know who is. I was looking in Darren's bag for a phone, but instead I found a bomb in his bag.
A loud gasp from everyone.
BRETT (squeals) A bomb!!
REBEKAH Yeah, he's definitely up to no good. We need to find him and the bag.
JEFF Who died and put you in charge little lady?
Rebekah bore her eyes into Jeff's.
REBEKAH Six people have died in case you haven't noticed and you all act like a bunch of school girls so now I'm in charge. Got a problem with that?
RENE Oh, that's hot!
BRETT Totally. Even with that green gunk on her face.
MICHAEL Wait a minute! I'm the producer here and I'm the--
REBEKAH That's right and look what you have produced so far. Six dead bodies, a missing killer and a bomb. Sounds like a real blockbuster if you ask me.
Michael's shoulders slump. He takes a step back, leans on his cane while he fumes.
Rebekah gestures with the gun.
REBEKAH C'mon lets go. We have to search every corner of this train.
Everyone files out of cold storage with Rebekah in the lead.
INT. LOUNGE
Rebekah enters with the rest in tow.
REBEKAH Look everywhere.
Everyone searches the lounge, high and low. They find nothing.
INT. LADIES AND GENTS
The group stand in front of the restrooms. Rebekah gestures to Brett.
REBEKAH You check in there. I'll check the ladies.
Brett takes a cautious step towards the gent's door. Rebekah shoots him an annoyed look.
REBEKAH Go inside. You can't check it from here!
Rebekah enters the ladies room. Brett opens the door to the gents.
Brett screams, staggers back. Hand on his mouth. The others move forward. Peer into the gents. A loud gasp!
Rebekah stares into the gents. Inside is Darren on his knees. Hands tied behind his back and head stuck inside the toilet. His hair swirls around his head.
Rebekah turns around, a wary eye on the guys.
REBEKAH I guess he's not the killer after all.
Everyone gazes at each other with suspicion.
GABE What do we do now?
JEFF Yeah, Xena! What do we do now?
REBEKAH We're gonna stick real close together and keep a sharp eye on each other while we search for the bag.
INT. SLEEPER CORRIDOR
Rebekah stands in the corridor while Brett, Jeff, Gabe, Rene, Zane and Michael search the sleeper cabins. One by one, they exit the cabins, shake their heads.
MICHAEL Nothing.
REBEKAH Lets move on then.
Rebekah leads them out of the sleeper car.
INT. WARM STORAGE
The car is filled with dry goods and food not needed to be kept cold. Rebekah enters first. The guys follow.
REBEKAH We need to search behind every box.
RENE Yes, ma'am.
Rebekah glares at him.
Everyone goes to work, look high and low. Behind, under and on top of things.
Brett squeals! Everyone stops what they're doing.
BRETT I found it. I found it.
Everyone rushes over. Zane opens the bag. The clock reads 00:35.
ALL THE GUYS Shit!!!
ZANE Quick, we have to disarm it.
Michael is nervous.
MICHAEL Anyone here knows how to disarm a bomb?
JEFF We're fucked!
Rebekah rolls her eyes in utter disgust. She steps forward, calmly grabs the bag.
REBEKAH Step out of my way please.
The guys do. Rebekah marches out of warm storage. The guys share dumfounded glances then hurries after her.
INT. DINING CAR
Rebekah enters the car. The guys file in after her. The clock reads 00:09 Rebekah opens a window, tosses the bag out. After a few seconds there's a loud explosion.
Everyone watches with their eyes fixated on Rebekah.
REBEKAH We wait. We wait until we get to L.A. then we get out of here alive.
GABE Yeah, I’m sorry but who died and made you Rambo?
REBEKAH A lot of people.
RENE I don’t know about you but I could use a drink.
JEFF Me, too.
MICHAEL Yeah.
RENE (To Michael) Not you, asshole. You’re the one who sunk us into this mess in the first place. You’re lucky we don’t toss you out the Goddamn window like that bomb.
REBEKAH Nobody leaves this car.
GABE Or, what? Is that just another hollow threat?
Rebekah fires a shot into the ceiling.
That gets everybody’s attention.
RENE Well, I still need a drink and they don’t keep ‘em in here.
BRETT Doesn’t anyone else here realize that we were less than ten seconds from all getting killed?
JEFF How is that any different than it’s been since we got on this train?
Brett considers that.
Gabe walks away, takes a seat in the booth at the far end of the car.
RENE Anybody else want anything?
ZANE Yeah. Bourbon. The good stuff, too. Not that disgusting shit they pawn off as bourbon.
RENE I know what you mean. (To everyone) I’ll be right back.
Jeff and Michael look at each other.
JEFF Well, he’s dead.
MICHAEL Wanna bet?
Michael smirks.
Rene leaves the car.
Gabe looks down, sees a small notepad and briefcase in the booth he’s at.
He opens the notepad, sees a large “I” on the inside cover. He reads the first page, sees “TARGET: CODENAME - ‘U’.
INT. SLEEPERS CORRIDOR - CONTINUOUS
Rene stops at the Men’s Room door. He opens it, sees Darren’s corpse inside.
RENE For Christ--Hey, did any of you ever think to move Darren’s corpse outta the toilet?!
Rene closes the door, proceeds to the Lair.
INT. DINING CAR - CONTINUOUS
Gabe ponders what he read in the notepad as he looks at the three-digit combination on the briefcase.
GABE (To himself) Combination, combination? Letters. I is nine. U is... what is U? Twenty-one.
Gabe tries the combination “9-2-1”.
The briefcase unlocks.
Gabe checks around to see if anyone notices. They don’t.
He closes the briefcase, stands.
GABE I’ll be right back. I gotta take a leak.
Everyone stares at Gabe.
GABE Unless, Rebekah, you’d like me to piss in here ‘cause I know how you feel about us leaving this car.
REBEKAH Just... hurry back. I don’t trust a-one of you.
JEFF Yeah? That makes seven of us.
MICHAEL If they’re not staying in here, why am I? Or any of us?
Gabe leaves the car.
ZANE Yeah. I mean, wouldn’t we all be better off in our own sleepers?
REBEKAH What, by ourselves? Are you kidding?
JEFF It’s better than being cooped up in here with Calamity Jane.
REBEKAH I have the only gun here. You’re safer with me than with anybody.
MICHAEL (Under his breath) Unless you’re the killer.
REBEKAH Which I’m not.
MICHAEL Yeah, I feel much better with your cheap assurances.
Rebekah shrugs, keeps her eye on everyone.
INT. SLEEPER 8 - CONTINUOUS
Gabe sits on the bottom bunk, re-opens the briefcase.
Inside is $500,000 worth of hundred-dollar bills.
Gabe picks up a stack, flips through it.
Underneath where the money was, Gabe spots the barrel of a gun. He lifts another stack of money, reveals the whole gun.
Gabe flips all the contents of the briefcase onto the bed.
More money and another identical gun.
Each gun has a gold dagger insignia on it.
INT. THE LAIR - CONTINUOUS
Rene searches a cooler, finds a bottle of bourbon. He reads the bottle.
RENE A hundred and forty proof. Oh, yeah.
Rene takes the bottle, closes the cooler, leaves the Lair.
INT. SLEEPERS CORRIDOR - CONTINUOUS
Rene holds the bottle, walks past Sleeper 8. He spots Gabe sitting on the bed, holding a gun.
Gabe turns to Rene, puts his finger up to his mouth.
RENE What the hell are you doing with that?
GABE There’s two of ‘em in here. You wanna make a deal?
Rene walks in the sleeper, intrigued.
INT. SLEEPER 8 - CONTINUOUS
Rene sees the piles of money on the bed.
RENE What are you saying?
GABE It’s simple. We split it fifty-fifty. I watch your ass and you watch mine.
RENE What do we do about Rebekah?
GABE That looney bitch doesn’t know what the hell she’s doing.
Rene nods in total agreement.
They both take stacks of money, put the rest of it back in the briefcase.
RENE How’d you figure out the combo?
GABE The combo’s 420. Go figure, right?
RENE Four-twenty. Got it.
Gabe puts the briefcase under his bed as they both stand up.
GABE We’d better get back.
INT. DINING CAR - CONTINUOUS
Gabe and Rene both walk into the car.
Everyone stops the conversation they were in.
MICHAEL (To Jeff) I win.
JEFF You suck.
REBEKAH What kept you two?
GABE Besides trying to maneuver around a corpse in the bathroom?
MICHAEL Where’s my twenty bucks?
JEFF Let’s call it an asshole tax for putting us all in this situation.
MICHAEL Fair enough.
Gabe walks over to Michael and Jeff.
GABE (To Michael) What did you win?
MICHAEL Jeff bet me twenty bucks that you or Rene would’ve have come back alive.
GABE (To Jeff) Seriously?
JEFF I was playing the odds. Didn’t you know? It’s an unwritten rule that you’re not allowed to say “I’ll be right back”? It means you’re gonna die.
GABE That’s also a horror movie rule. At best, this is a murder mystery.
JEFF Touché.
ZANE Look, I’m gettin’ outta here. I’m hot and I’m fuckin’ bored.
Rebekah lowers her gun, realizes there’s no point in trying to stop them from leaving.
Everyone leaves the dining car.
INT. SLEEPERS CORRIDOR - CONTINUOUS
Everyone heads to their respective Sleeper except Jeff who follows Michael into the Lair.
INT. THE LAIR - CONTINUOUS
Michael lounges on his bed.
Jeff watches Michael closely.
JEFF Let us off this train.
MICHAEL Can’t do it.
JEFF Can’t or won’t?
MICHAEL Pick one. This train won’t stop until it pulls into Union Station.
JEFF You had this planned all along...
MICHAEL I had something planned. Not this.
Michael stands.
MICHAEL It wasn’t supposed to go this way, but things change. You just gotta change with them.
Michael leaves the Lair.
Jeff steps forward, flops down on the bed. He watches the TV monitors on the wall.
Just then, someone whose face is unseen, walks into the Lair, catches Jeff’s attention.
Jeff looks at them with disappointment.
JEFF There’s no way off this train. (Scoffs) We’re all gonna die in here.
A gloved hand raises a gun, fires a shot into Jeff’s head, before he can even react.
Quick as can be, the person hurries out of the Lair, slams the door behind them.
Jeff’s head dangles over the side of the bed, drips blood onto the floor.
Gabe clutches his gurgling stomach, grimaces. He checks his watch, sighs.
GABE Cr*p.
INT. SLEEPER HALLWAY - DAY
Gabe, Glock in hand, skulks down the corridor.
He spins around, ready to shoot. No one's there.
INT. GENTS - DOOR - DAY
Gabe stands, poised to open the door.
He pivots, aims the Glock. No one's there.
Gabe opens the door as he looks around.
Darren's corpse flops out, touches Gabe's leg.
Gabe screams, spins and shoots Darren in the rump.
GABE (yelling down the corridor) Sorry, my bad. False alarm. I'm OK.
Gabe looks at all the closed sleeper doors.
GABE (to himself) Wankers.
Gabe kicks Darren's body back into the gents.
INT. LADIES HALLWAY - DOOR - DAY
A relaxed Gabe steps out into the corridor.
INT. SLEEPERS HALLWAY - DAY
Gabe advances down the aisle.
Overhead, the sound of footsteps moving towards the dining car. He holds the Glock, follows the footsteps with the muzzle.
Gabe opens Sleeper door 8 while looking down the corridor.
Jeff's body and the open suitcase flop out into the hall.
Gabe screams, spins and shoots Jeff in the head.
GABE (yelling down the corridor) Sorry, my bad. False alarm. I'm OK.
Gabe looks at all the closed sleeper doors. He grins.
Sleeper door 5 opens. Rebekah peaks into the hallway.
Gabe stops smiling.
Rebekah sees Jeff's body and a suitcase full of cash at Gabe's feet.
REBEKAH Murderer!
GABE Wait, I can explain.
Gabe exhales a deep breath.
GABE No, I can't.
Gabe looks up at the ceiling, turns to exit.
REBEKAH He's getting away!
EXT. DINING CAR - LADDER - DAY
Gabe climbs the ladder, sees someone. He fires a warning shot.
GABE Freeze! Hands in the air!
EXT. DINING CAR - ROOF - DAY
Gabe advances, his Glock trained on an unseen target.
GABE Turn around!
Disgust washes across Gabe's face.
GABE You? I can't believe it! How could it be? You're so lame! It's people like you that give Hollywood a bad name! You and your cliched endings and corpses jumping back to life!
Gabe looks angry.
GABE What are you smiling about? What are you looking at?
Gabe turns just in time to see the oncoming mortar. He gets decapitated by the top of the tunnel.
INT. SLEEPERS HALLWAY - DAY
Rebekah and Rene crouch near the doorway leading to the dining car.
RENE Come out Gabe or I'll blow your frickin' head off!
Gabe's headless body crashes through the door into the aisle.
Rebekah screams.
The torso spasms, discharges a round from the Glock.
Rene vomits.
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A CLANG is heard above Rene in the air vent. Both Rene and Rebekah look up. A pair of eye peers through the vent down into the lair.
INT. DINING CAR
Michael sits at a table, gun pointed towards Brett. Brett stares down Michael.
BRETT Well, if were just gonna sit here we might as well play a game or something.
MICHAEL Play a game? This isn’t grade fucking three.
BRETT Well I’m not just going to sit here while you point the gun at my dick.
MICHAEL It doesn’t look like you have much of a choice, considering I’m the one with the piece pointing at your piece, sorta speak.
BRETT This is bullshit.
Michael smiles
MICHAEL Alright, let’s play Russian Roulette, how bout you go first?
Michael points the gun towards Brett’s face.
BRETT I get it, no damn games. Jesus, point it back to my dick please.
A THUD is hear from the Lair, followed by a scream. Both Michael and Brett turn their attention to the door leading to the Lair.
MICHAEL Now, was that a scream of pleasure or pain?
Michael points the gun towards the door as they both walk towards the lair.
BRETT See I told you I’m not the damn killer. Don’t ever point that gun to me again.
MICHAEL Shut up.
INT. CORRIDOR – CONTINOUS
Michael and Brett continue down the corridor slowly, side by side. Michael has the gun pointed towards the door.
BRETT So what's the plan when we get in there?
MICHAEL Shoot first, ask questions later.
Brett slams his body into Michael’s, which shatters a nearby window. Michael drops the gun. Brett reaches down for it, but Michael kicks him in the face, which sends him into a nearby sleeping room.
Michael reaches down and grabs the gun, points it back towards Brett. Brett emerges from the sleeping room, wipes some blood from his lip.
BRETT Can’t blame a guy for trying.
MICHAEL If I put a bullet in you I can.
BRETT What do you expect? I'd feel safer if I had it in my hands.
MICHAEL Everyone would, now shut the hell up and walk towards the door.
Brett flips Michael off as he walks towards the lair.
LAIR DOOR.
Brett steps into a pool of blood in front of the door. He looks down at his shoes.
BRETT God dammit.
Michael snickers.
BRETT Open the door.
The door opens to reveal Rene covered in blood, Rebekah's lifeless body lies on the floor. A piece of her skull is missing.
The CHEF is unconscious on the floor beside Rebekah.
Michael Do you mind explaining what the hell happened?
Brett You son of a bitch, you're the killer.
Rene steps back, falls to the ground. He is in shock.
Rene Her head....
Michael points his gun to Rene.
Brett Look, the Chef is in here. I didn't know he was in here.
Michael This is a big mess, he's out cold and it looks like the bloody mess is in shock.
Rene's eyes are fixated on the body.
Brett It's an act.
Michael kneels down and looks at Rebekah, blood still pours from her head. It stains the floor.
Michael I've got an idea.
Brett What's the brilliant plan Einstein?
Michael knocks Brett in the back of his head with the butt of the gun and throws him in the lair, then he closes the door and cocks the gun.
Michael I don't care who comes through the door, but the first person to do so is getting shot, ya understand?
The door nudges. Whoever is behind it has trouble opening the door.
Michael I'm not going to say it again, I'l shoot whoever opens this god damn door.
As the door opens the lights go out. There is a thud. Footsteps can be heard running down the hallway.
Michael fires the gun. The corridor lights up with each bang. He fires till the gun is empty.
MICHAEL Dammit!
There's a flick. A small flame from a lighter in Michael's hand glows in front of his face. He raises the lighter.
Rebekah's body lies in a pool of blood, her hair soaked in the sticky red liquid.
MICHAEL You got what you deserved.
He pushes himself back against the wall and closes his eyes. Mozart's "The Marriage of Figaro Overture" plays.
INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT- FLASHBACK
Mozart plays throughout the restaurant. The place is first class all the way. The tables are dressed with silk tablecloths. Candles sit in the middle of each table. Chandeliers hang from above.
Michael sits at a table, across from him is a bald BLACK MAN, AKA the real "I". Each of them have a glass of wine.
MICHAEL You're a hard man to get a hold of.
I Shit, what you think, I'm just another brother from the projects? I make sure I'm Goddamn hard to get a hold of.
Michael has a manila envelope in his hand. He slides it across the table. The black man grabs it. He thumbs through the pages.
I Is this all of 'em?
MICHAEL yes.
I You're goin' through an awful lot of trouble for this. Shit, you even think it's worth it?
MICHAEL You have no idea what I had to do to get them all onto the same train, I mean some really ridiculous shit, I had to come up with stories to get one to come because of this, and one to come because of that, I confused myself half the time, but it'll be worth it in the end.
I Who are these motherfuckers?
MICHAEL Those motherfuckers, all thirteen of those motherfuckers, are murderers, every Goddamn one of them.
I Get the fuck out of here, even this Opie lookin' motherfucker?
I holds a picture of X.
MICHAEL Killed his parents, made it look like a robbery.
I What about this fine ass bitch?
He holds a picture of D.
MICHAEL She likes to kill John's and photograph it. There is also a child killer, a terrorist, a rapist, it's the worst of the worst.
I How you know all this shit? You fuckin' Dexter?
MICHAEL Time and patience, you'd be surprised what you can find out.
I You put all these motherfuckers on the same Goddamn train, you know some crazy shit is gonna go down.
MICHAEL I'm counting on it, I'm also counting on you to do your job.
I Goddamn, don't worry, none of these motherfuckers are gonna make it to the last stop ,I guaranGoddamntee you that.
The Real I takes a sip of wine.
I Now what about payment?
MICHAEL Half tonight, half after you finish the job.
I You got yourself a deal.
The two men raise their glasses.
INT. CORRIDOR - NIGHT
The lights go on. Michael opens his eyes. He pushes himself to his feet.
Something rolls towards him and hits his feet. He looks down. It's the real I's head.
MICHAEL Oh shit.
An axe swings down. Michael's skull is split in two. Blood and chunks of gray brain matter splatter onto the wall. His body drops to the ground. Half his head dangles from strings of flesh at his shoulder.
Rene is at the sink washing his mouth out, and then rinses his bloody stub fingers. Rene looks up and Brett’s reflection is in the mirror holding the Chef's meat cleaver.
RENE Holy shit!
Rene slams the door closed locking it.
BRETT V.O. What the hell is your problem?
RENE Don't come near me. You’re the murderer!
BRETT V.O. Your crazy we have been together... that sadistic Chef had to be the killer. He cut off your fingers... or have you forgotten.
(beat)
BRETT V.O. We will be at the station soon.
RENE Good then I will wait in here till we arrive.
INT. CORRIDOR
BRETT If the Chef wasn't the killer I'm screwed out here.
(beat)
Brett puts the cleaver in his pocket.
BRETT Fine you stay in there. We have to make the stop at the station, I'm going to the engine room.
Brett turns and starts to leave.
(beat)
INT. GENTS ROOM
RENE OK... I will be there in just a minute.
Rene breaks off a piece of glass from the mirror and puts it in his inner suit jacket pocket. Rene opens the door.
INT. CABIN
BRETT I still can't believe this is happening.
RENE I know... I just wanted so adventure, not this.
(beat)
BRETT What happened with you and Rebekah? You guys were locked in the Lair together and then she’s dead...
BRETT (CONT'D) Sorry I still don't trust you.
FLASHBACK LAIR
Rene and Rebekah are in the Lair. Rene is finishing tucking his shirt in.
RENE V.O. We were in the Lair, I tried to seduce her, unsuccessfully. She was to worried that I was the killer, can you believe that? Anyways we looked up and there was a pair of eyes peering down from the vent shaft.
BRETT V.O. Enough with the suspense, what the hell happened?
RENE V.O. He dropped in and massacred Rebekah... I got shoved into the wall and before I knew it was over.
END FLASHBACK
BRETT (smiling) He... you act like you knew who it was.
RENE I don't know it was fast and IT was cloaked, better?
(beat)
RENE (CONT'D) Quit trying to accuse me. Where the hell have you been most of this damn trip? You were unaccounted for on several occasions... Oh wait that’s when people died... I'm done with this shit, I'm going to my sleeper till we get to the station, enjoy playing conductor.
INT. SLEEPER HALLWAY
Rene grabs the money suitcase and smiles.
INT. LAIR
Rene is rummaging through every individual file on Michael's desk. Rene separates the BENEFICIARY forms from every file.
Rene begins changing every form from the benefactor of Michael to Rene. Rene picks up a spreadsheet with the totals and sees a total of 4.6 million dollars from life insurance policies.
Rene crosses out the 4.6 and replaces it with 7 million.
RENE (smiling, kissing the documents) Thank you Michael
Rene rummages through folders on Michael's desk, discovers INSURANCE BENEFICIARY forms.
RENE (reads a page) The bearer of this policy receives all passenger life insurance benefits.
He pockets the document, grins.
RENE (to himself) Thank you, Michael. Who knew train insurance paid so well?
BRETT (O.S.) I did.
Brett lays in the ventilation shaft holding a taser. He pulls the trigger.
Nitrogen propels the taser's insulated wires through the grate.
Electricity courses through Rene, he falls unconscious.
INT. DINING CAR - DAY
Rene sits on a chair in the aisle, hands duct taped behind his back.
Brett throws water on Rene's face.
Rene rouses, groggy. He gasps.
All the dead passengers are seated at the dining tables.
Brett polishes silverware and lays out service settings on the tables as he talks.
BRETT Do you know what the term "execution dependent" means?
RENE No. But since I'm not dead, I have a feeling you're going to tell me.
BRETT Execution dependent means, the studio believes the only way a movie will make money, is if it's well made.
RENE Sounds reasonable.
BRETT Reasonable? Death Row Divas 2: Last Diva Standing is not execution dependent! Those b*stards don't want reasonable. They want profits! Art is dead! And Hollywood is holding the smoking gun!
RENE There's not enough polish to scrub away the filth you create.
BRETT Filth? Death Row Divas is a masterpiece!
RENE It's in the bargain bin at Wal-Mart.
The Engineer enters the dining car.
BRETT Not any more! I had my assistant here buy all the copies.
ENGINEER Last stop. Hollywood. Three minutes.
Brett looks at the Engineer.
BRETT You finish that coverage yet?
ENGINEER I've been driving the train.
Rene finagles a mirror shard out of his shirt cuff into his hand. He saws at the tape with it.
BRETT No excuses!
The Engineer turns to leave.
BRETT And each one better have a complete synop!
The Engineer sighs, then exits.
Brett retrieves the Beneficiary forms from Rene's jacket pocket, looks them over.
BRETT Now, I've got seven million reasons to tell those execution dependent dunces to eat donkey dong.
RENE Why?
BRETT Well, the studio system is rife with international funding and agendas these days--
RENE I mean, why all of us?
Rene works the shard halfway through the tape.
BRETT Oh, right. The superfluous explanation by the villain mastermind. I almost forgot. Very well!
Brett pours bottles of booze on each corpse as he speaks about them.
BRETT Zane here was ex-military. A good on set consultant. Until he got caught with his hand in my wife's cookie jar.
BRETT Mr. Seeley tried to blackmail me with staged Death Row Diva photos he and the sexy shutterbug there mokced up. No sale.
BRETT Jordan here was a reliable drug dealer. Until he started selling his client list to the tabloids.
BRETT Rebekah and Sean. We don't need any more child star mom underachievers and random nice guys in Hollywood. Not on my watch.
BRETT Then there's the do gooder, Sandra. Always trying to save everyone's marriage. But her latest pet project, the shutterbug over there, put her in the line of fire.
BRETT Gabe here had a killer script too good to pass up. I'll raise that tentpole franchise on his ashes. That's what happens to amateurs that don't register their scripts!
BRETT My dear partner, Michael. The little producer that could. 3.5 million was enough for his synchronized swimming espionage thriller. But not enough for my Divas! And silent partners don't ask for points on the back end!
BRETT Chuckie Saturn had a sweet tooth for sharp objects, little boys and bad dialogue. So, naturally he acquired the remake rights to Child's Play. Chuckie was about to get a greenlight on the series reboot. I couldn't let that happen.
RENE Can't argue with you there.
BRETT That leaves everyone's favorite critic.
Brett pours whisky over Jeff's corpse.
BRETT This guy bawled my wife at the Death Row Divas premiere. And he still only gave my movie one and a half stars!
RENE You forgot one.
BRETT Oh yes, the first one I killed...what was his name? I think he was an extra in The Usual Suspects. He spits when he talks, deplorable habit.
RENE You killed him just for that?
The train slows, whistle sounds off
Brett smiles, draws a flare gun.
BRETT What can I say? It's a fire sale and today's special is, nosy Middle Eastern men of mystery.
Rene breaks the tape, charges Brett.
Brett fires the gun.
The flare lodges in Rene's throat.
Brett exits the car.
Rene claws at his melting face, then his head explodes.
Fiery shrapnel ignites the dining car full of corpses.
INT. LOUNGE - DAY
Brett sips a mint julip, smacks his lips.
The Engineer enters, carrying Brett's luggage.
ENGINEER I stopped the train a half mile short of the station. Your limo awaits, Sir.
BRETT Excellent. Everything went according to plan.
ENGINEER Well, there was one thing I forgot to pack.
BRETT Whatever it is, I'm sure it can be replaced. Out of your salary.
The Engineer bites his lip.
ENGINEER Not exactly. I left your Simply Scripts mug in the dining car.
BRETT Noooooooooo!
THE END
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Murder on the Simply Express - Killer Game
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