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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Scary Movie 5 Moderators: bert
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  Author    Scary Movie 5  (currently 5964 views)
Don
Posted: November 24th, 2005, 12:05am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Scary Movie 5 by Sean Elwood (thedeadwalk2nite) - Comedy - Cindy's back in action as she, Cody, Brenda, and her newest boyfriend battle to survive a zombie apocolypse while held up in an abandoned mall. While barricaded inside, each survivor seems to have their name on a certain list, and one by one, they begin to die in the order of the list as Death begins to stalk them. Featured spoofs: Dawn of the Dead, Jaws, Final Destination 3, and more. 102 pages - doc, format


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Don  -  May 1st, 2006, 10:20pm
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Zombie Sean
Posted: November 24th, 2005, 12:57am Report to Moderator
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Before everyone reads this, I just want everyone to know that this is my first comedy script I have ever written. It may be dumb or stupid or not good, but I tried and I hope you understand. I'm mainly used to writing horror scripts, and I'm not really good with comedy, but I tried anyways, just to see how I would do.  

P.S> There are some parts I just randomly threw in there. Also, if you are wondering about SM4, they're making one right now.


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Zombie Sean  -  November 24th, 2005, 1:44am
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dogglebe
Posted: November 24th, 2005, 1:02am Report to Moderator
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I read the first ten pages of this and, truth to tell, can't see why you would call this a comedy.  I saw two jokes (and they weren't that funny).  This could pass for an actual horror story more than it could a comedy.

Please don't say that I should keep reading and that it will get better. I read fifteen percent of it.  Given how short this script is, I should've been hooked by page five.  There were many instances where you missed inserting a joke.  Each time someone mentioned the Tooth Fairy's wrinkly burned skin, you could've referred to Nancy Reagan or Joan Rivers or somebody.  This easily could've been a running gag.

As Michael Jackson was a joke in Scary Story 3, I don't see the point of you doing it, especially when it was funnier in 3.

Finally, your formatting somewhat off.  The biggest problem with it is the unnecessary spacing .  You don't need a space between the characters' names and their dialogue.  By eliminating these spaces, you'll probably shorten this script by twenty percent.


Phil
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theprodigalson
Posted: November 24th, 2005, 1:05am Report to Moderator
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Um, before i read this...was there a scary movie 4 script somewere around here? i was just wondering because if they are connected it would be good to read that one first, as refrence. i know someone was working on one, what is the deal?


EDIT: started to read this and it started to get dumb real fast, i think a couple things in the beginging were a lil funny and the rest of the "comedy" was blah.

some spelling errors and like one pucutaion error is all i saw, yes format is off.

um, using Freddy Kurgers name it's self is not a good idea, fan script or not i don't think lil things like that can be done unless the script is about the character...could be wrong though.

the MJ thing is stupid.

I pretty much stopped reading at the freddy part, which IMO was way to far.


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theprodigalson  -  November 24th, 2005, 1:23am
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-Ben-
Posted: November 24th, 2005, 4:01am Report to Moderator
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Stop reading this and look above!

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Quoted Text
was there a scary movie 4 script somewere around here?


Yeah that was mine...despite the bad comments im still tempted to read thsi...for soem reason.


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Michael Myers
Posted: November 24th, 2005, 12:20pm Report to Moderator
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Who am I to make a critisim? I don't write scripts that good either. But, to me, I'd give the script 2 out of 10... just because I was picturing everything in my head... it was a good hour in a half script is fou picture a movie in your head when you read the scripts, but I didn't like it much because... I was trying to read this to learn better dialog but yours is the same as mine is. There were some funny parts in the movie. I see the michael jackson joke at the beginning. The only funny parts were in the beginning. But, I didn't like it when you made the tooth fairy talk. I just didn't like it too much. And before the beginning credits, it was good. After the SCARY MOVIE 5 started... I just didn't like it too much. But people, It is worth reading. It has its moments.


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Zombie Sean
Posted: November 25th, 2005, 12:28am Report to Moderator
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Okay I will try and revise the script and make it better. THanks for the comments and it really helped me on how to make this script better.

Once I am finished revising the script I will put it back up here.



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Zombie Sean  -  November 26th, 2005, 12:31pm
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MidnightGiant
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DOM
Posted: April 15th, 2006, 2:38pm Report to Moderator
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This was as good as the other Scary Movie films, if not better. However, why was it Scary Movie 5, if there have been 3 films? Why not 4?
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shelbyoops
Posted: April 15th, 2006, 2:57pm Report to Moderator
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I am reading your script. I will have a review late today.

Shelby
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shelbyoops
Posted: April 15th, 2006, 5:01pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Sean! Read the script.

POSITIVES:

1. It had the Scary Movie style. Most people screw this up but it was the same...parody-like comedy that the others were.

2. The dialogue was good. What I mean is people try to make funny dialogue and it comes out stupid, your's worked.

3. You brought back Cody! He was my favorite character in SC3

CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISM:

1. Im not going to give you too much stuff over formatting. I just want to say you formatted exactly the way I did when I started. I still dont get formatting I just got screenwriting software *which is expensive so dont get it unless your really sure you need it*

2. Most of the jokes werent funny. They were the smile kind of funny. There were like 2 times i actually kind of giggled *the mom telling the son the dad threatened her with a shot gun was one*.

3. Pick a monster and stick with it! You had like 5 different monsters that killed people and it was confusing.

4. You had some typo's in it, please fix them!

5. Some jokes you would put in parenthesis (from the movie...) yes, we know that.

Over it was a damn good effort at a scary movie script but maube after two more drafts you will have it perfectly.
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Higgonaitor
Posted: April 16th, 2006, 12:23am Report to Moderator
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Apparently cody is in militairy camp now.  I don't know what you want to do about that.


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George Willson
Posted: April 16th, 2006, 3:16am Report to Moderator
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Here are my thoughts on this one. I imagine a good portion of this script is using other films. Some are obvious, and some aren't. I know comedy, for the most part, is based on the person reading or watching it and not everything is funny to everyone. What you need to concentrate on when doing a comedy is to work out the drama first, so you have a good story. Then you twist it, so that the drama is a little on the outlandish side.

This script has a general theme running through it with the tooth fairy, but you used a host of other things to add to this central idea. Probably too many of them, in my opinion. I admit to having seen none of the Scary Movie films (though they are on my Netflix list), so the general form of those is currently unknown to me. But from a dramatic perspective, it's too much. You tried too hard to spoof these films you used. Some of them you did very well and I did crack up on multiple occasions. Others were just there and kind of pointless.

How to fix this? First, don't limit yourself to the films you spoof. Don't tell when you ar spoofing them. Work out the basic plot first, and then puzzle piece the films into the drama you've created. Use the scenes, and tweak them just enough to fit your own purposes.

I've only spoofed one film, and that was The Godfather. I left every scene intact and changed the names and some of the dialogue to fit the outlandish situation I placed it all in. But the idea was spawned from one situation in one scene that told me The Godfather was the movie I needed. There was a thread where Alfred Hitchcock asked Don about posting a novel. Don responded that he wouldn't do it and his format was screenplays. That thread was the basis for the entire spoof, because I saw the scene in The Godfather where Sollozzo was trying to get the Corleone family to deal in the drug business and Don Corleone refused.

Find your basis for the spoof and work around one film to begin with. Scary Movie began with Scream and everything else was added around that central film. From that humble beginning, add in other films that fit the plot and that you naturally think of. You have creativity as evidenced by some of the clever things you did with this, but you need to trust your instincts more and work less. Doing this will create a better spoof film and make it a lot funnier.

SimplyScripts links to tons of great screenplays. Cut and paste will be your friend. Good luck.

Wow, I read seven scripts today. Think I met my quota?



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ALIEN MAN
Posted: April 16th, 2006, 4:42pm Report to Moderator
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I started reading it today and stopped at page 15 I think, when Freddy Kruegar had Cindy. It wasn't really that funny. The beginning was ok and the bouger scene was good also but that was about it. I don't think Im going to continue reading it


Writing an action movie. EVery other script I was making got deleted and my PC crashed. MY action movie will be completed in about two weeks.
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Zombie Sean
Posted: April 16th, 2006, 7:48pm Report to Moderator
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Don't worry I'm rewriting it. Hopefully it will be better...



Sean


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