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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Campaign Trail Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: September 30th, 2016, 1:28am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Campaign Trail by Jeremiah E. Ford - Comedy, Drama - Two employees at a local sandwich restaurant are looking for more in life when they decide to run in the next presidential campaign. 142 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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Slade
Posted: September 30th, 2016, 6:52am Report to Moderator
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    The format is wrong. Even if you have something good in there nobody will read it if it's not written right.  Check out some script formatting pages that are all over the internet and read scripts from movies you like. It will help you.
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BenL
Posted: September 30th, 2016, 7:15am Report to Moderator
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This has obviously been written in Word or something, formatting is a total mess.

Unfortunately the rest isn't any good either.

"Kevin and Marty wave while saying:"
"Marty says to Kevin:"
"Shaquana says to Kevin and Marty while walking away:"

That's not how you describe action.

Other than that, the dialogue is extremely on-the-nose. Plus you shouldn't predetermine how the dialogue should be spoken, you're doing this almost every time. This is up to the director/actor...

The writer is most certainly new to screenwriting. The best advice is to read other scripts and learn how to properly format a screenplay. Google is all you need.

Good luck.

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BenL  -  September 30th, 2016, 10:09am
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Stumpzian
Posted: September 30th, 2016, 10:05am Report to Moderator
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This might be a pisser. The dialogue is so relentlessly OTN that it starts to be very funny. I read 20 pages just for the dialogue.

Other evidence:
1. Wrong font.
2. 142 pages.
3. Bad format.
4. Etc.









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