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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Superheroes Star Date 3322 Moderators: bert
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  Author    Superheroes Star Date 3322  (currently 1293 views)
Don
Posted: November 18th, 2018, 12:30pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Superheroes Star Date 3322 by Barry John Terblanche - Comedy, Action - Superman after "stuffing-up" is banished from earth in 2019. He returns aboard Star Trek in year 3322 to persuade other superheroes and X-men to save earth / fight approaching BORG.  154 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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eldave1
Posted: November 21st, 2018, 12:41pm Report to Moderator
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Barry: Some real basic issues out of the shoot.

The formatting is off. Look at any samples here on this site. Either download some free script-writing software of buy one and the formatting will be done a automatically for you.


Quoted Text
V.O: A young child in the movie house; GO SUPERMAN.


Wrong format. Should be:

YOUNG CHILD (V.O)
Go Superman.


Quoted Text
V.O: HANCOCK shouting over the Superman movie sound. STOP!


Wrong Format and Character error. You need to intro a character before putting his dialogue in and he should be intro'd in CAPS

e.g.,

MAN'S VOICE (V.O)
Stop! Cut! Hold it!

Later you have breaks in the dialogue without re-establishing who's speaking.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

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BarryJohn
Posted: November 23rd, 2018, 11:57am Report to Moderator
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Eldave1 . Thanks for your advise - input. I'll take heed to rectify.
PS: Did you read it through ~ the whole script, If so what is your opinion of it ?
Regards; Barry John Terblanche
  


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BarryJohn
Posted: November 23rd, 2018, 12:03pm Report to Moderator
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Eldave1 or any one else - Can you recommend a FREE script-writing software to download?
Regards; Barry John Terblanche


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Matthew Taylor
Posted: November 23rd, 2018, 12:16pm Report to Moderator
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I use writer duet - it's online based so no need to download


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eldave1
Posted: November 23rd, 2018, 12:40pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from BarryJohn
Eldave1 or any one else - Can you recommend a FREE script-writing software to download?
Regards; Barry John Terblanche


Here's a l ink that list them all.

https://www.webfilmschool.com/free-screenwriting-programs-the-7-best-free-writers-software/


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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MarkItZero
Posted: November 23rd, 2018, 2:48pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from BarryJohn
Eldave1 or any one else - Can you recommend a FREE script-writing software to download?
Regards; Barry John Terblanche


Hey Barry,

The wise Anthony Cawood has written up about screenwriting software here. The post has lots of other good screenwriting related information if you keep scrolling down.

For basic formatting stuff, I would recommend Trottier's The Screenwriter's Bible and also just reading lots of pro scripts like those found here.


That rug really tied the room together.
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HyperMatt
Posted: November 23rd, 2018, 8:28pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from eldave1


Thanks, I think this is useful to a lot of us.

I just changed computers and finding great difficulty transferring Final Draft to my new PC.


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eldave1
Posted: November 24th, 2018, 12:36pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from HyperMatt


Thanks, I think this is useful to a lot of us.

I just changed computers and finding great difficulty transferring Final Draft to my new PC.


No problem - hope you find one that suits you


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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BarryJohn
Posted: November 27th, 2018, 11:28am Report to Moderator
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Hi ALL. Re-  my posted screenplay Superheroes Star Date 3322. I understand that as a 1st time writer my script my not be written in accordance to correct format etc... I'm seeking opinions on the story / originality - good to make it on the silver screen ??   PS; Its a slow starter but its MID to END tells the story.
Regards; Barry John Terblanche    


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Matthew Taylor
Posted: November 27th, 2018, 12:06pm Report to Moderator
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Hi Barry

I haven't read much as formatting and other issues pointed out make for a difficult read.

However, at first, I thought you wrote this as a bit of fun/writing exercise - But from your comment it seems like you are serious about wanting this produced - so my point would be, you have a lot of copyrighted characters and material in there, have you thought about how that would work?

Matt


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Warren
Posted: November 27th, 2018, 5:54pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from BarryJohn
Hi ALL. Re-  my posted screenplay Superheroes Star Date 3322. I understand that as a 1st time writer my script my not be written in accordance to correct format etc... I'm seeking opinions on the story / originality - good to make it on the silver screen ??   PS; Its a slow starter but its MID to END tells the story.
Regards; Barry John Terblanche    


Hi Barry, I havenít read the script but based on the logline alone I would say this has slim to no chance of making it to screen. It would be a copyright nightmare. You have Marvel characters, DC characters, and Star Trek characters. I'm sorry to say it, but I think the best you can hope for this script is to get some practice.



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BarryJohn
Posted: November 30th, 2018, 11:48am Report to Moderator
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Hi Matt and Warren. Thanks for your reply / input. True in that it has multiple characters ~ copyrights. Studios are known to work together collectively for the PROFIT. We have all seen the franchise movies from the different studios - be nice to see a movie of ALL the superheroes in one. Could be the beginning of something new / different ?  I for one  am tired of the same old Avengers - X-men - justice league - shield -  etc... I'd kill to watch this movie!! READ IT. please....

Regards
Barry John Terblanche  


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eldave1
Posted: December 30th, 2018, 8:26pm Report to Moderator
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Barry: Why are you trolling my website? Got these two gems from you today.


Quoted Text
Rest in peace
I read only one of your shorts.

You CAN go go know.... no one is going to buy.
R.I.P

Sincerely,
Barry



Quoted Text
NO... No..
Against my better judgment I read another one!

you really must go go now.

Barry


All because I did you the courtesy of commenting on your script? WTF is going on dude?


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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HyperMatt
Posted: December 31st, 2018, 4:02am Report to Moderator
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Thatís not very nice.


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LC
Posted: December 31st, 2018, 5:01am Report to Moderator
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Dave, are you sure it's the same Barry? Playing devil's advocate just in case...

Barry, Dave is one of the most helpful writers on this site and he knows his stuff. He's also once of the nicest blokes you'll ever meet - at the very least virtually and  I'm sure IRL the experience is even better.  
You'd do well to heed his advice.

And finally, an FYI we give to all newbs:: Simply Scripts is a quid-pro-quo site. Simply put that means you get what you give. Read other scripts by other writers on this site, and you'll get read in return. Get to know the regulars and you'll learn a lot.

P.S.  Is this your debut feature? Your script is 154 pages?!


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eldave1
Posted: December 31st, 2018, 7:03pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from HyperMatt
Thatís not very nice.


Was weird. Like somehow I set the guy off.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Anon
Posted: January 1st, 2019, 2:40pm Report to Moderator
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I had a read. As youíve mentioned you want to know itís chances of getting on the silver screen. Thereís one massive blocker to this happening. As has been mentioned - youíve used lots of owned IP/ characters. And who knows - if the material was amazing maybe different studios could collaborate. But not if you totally butt-fuck their characters. You have superman accidentally killing a cat, then some children, and constantly saying fuck and shit.

Thereís 30 pages of super man fucking up. And not reacting like superman would. Heís like a Seth Rogan superman. Studios will never go for anything that might destroy their highly lucrative characters for good.

My advice - if you want to pursue this concept - make up new superheroes and create something of your own.
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eldave1
Posted: January 1st, 2019, 3:20pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from LC
Dave, are you sure it's the same Barry? Playing devil's advocate just in case...



Yep, I am.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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