SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is June 22nd, 2021, 1:31am
Please login or register.
Was PortalRecent PostsHome Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion forum, please send me a message. There is no online registration. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
The June Challenge Scripts are up! is up!

stand by


The January Project!
If you want access to the January Project, click here

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Don't Break The Rules Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Don't Break The Rules  (currently 297 views)
Don
Posted: November 11th, 2020, 5:41pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
14753
Posts Per Day
1.98
Don't Break The Rules by Nolan Bryand - Comedy - When one of them breaks a sacred killing rule, a group of serial killer roommates try to hide their blunder from the pushy porcelain doll who set the rules while their intended victims suddenly become their hunters. 96 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

SimplyScripts Masks can be purchased at: facebook.com/UCanBeSafe/
-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  November 16th, 2020, 6:19pm
revised logline
Logged
Site Private Message
Nolan
Posted: November 11th, 2020, 5:52pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
178
Posts Per Day
0.09
Thanks for getting this up, Don.  

If anyone wants to do a script exchange, please let me know.  

Nolan
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 3
Sam
Posted: November 15th, 2020, 7:45am Report to Moderator
New


Posts
72
Posts Per Day
0.05
Hi Nolan,
I really think you need to rewrite the logline because it really doesnít tell us what your script is about. You have a really strong concept which I think would actually draw a lot of readers in if only they knew.
I read the first 20 and your writing is on point.

Itís not easy writing these mockumentaries but the script is clear and efficient. You have a lot of characters to introduce but it didnít feel overwhelming. I would suggest you include a few more visual reminders of who everyone is. Itís pretty ease to remember that Bongo is the clown but I would forget what kinds of killers Mason and Sebastian were because the names are generic. It might help if you briefly remind us of the characters unique look when we meet up with them again. Not a big deal but it might help the reader keep track of everyone.

I laughed a few times and I like how you play around with the horror tropes, like when they kill their victims and then explain that thereís no need to chase them because they always do the same thing. Funny stuff.

My only real complaint is that itís basically What We Do In The Shadows but with killersÖ


Email - samuellees@yahoo.co.uk
My script The Reachable Moon - http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-family/m-1517759624/

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 3
Nolan
Posted: November 15th, 2020, 12:17pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
178
Posts Per Day
0.09
Hey Sam,

Thank you for the comment and for the read.  You confirmed my suspicion of the logline.  I had something a little more descriptive at one time, but thought this one would suffice.  I was wrong!  

What We Do In The Shadows was certainly a major influence for this.  I had another mockumentary on the works but shifted focus after reading something by Taika Waititi where he said if you're going to make a mocumentary, go all out in terms of absurdity.  So it brought me to this.  I obviously borrowed the whole roommate shtick, but that's about it.  But, I could be wrong on that as well.  

Thanks again!

Nolan
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 3
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Comedy Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006