When my relatives used visit, I could hardly understand them sometimes, especially if they had a few. Not only was the brogue strong, but they spoke extremely fast. They are mostly from Mount Collins in Limerick, a little place.

My grandfather, who came here when he was 16, kept the accent until he died at 90. But I could understand him no problem. He actually grew up a short distance away in Cork. We found out some of the tale when he died.

There were 13 kids on the family farm. My grandfather was the youngest male, though he had 2 younger sisters. When he was about 3 or 4, the nanny in charge of raising the little ones went crazy and tried to drown my grandfather in the river. After that, they decided they just couldn't handle all the kids on the farm. They sent my grandfather to live on the farm of an Aunt and Uncle a few miles away in Cork. Though it wasn't far, he grew up not knowing his siblings. He didn't become acquainted with them again until many years later when he had been in the US for years, though they then became close.

Hard world they lived in.

Hey Ryan,

Always glad to pony up a revisit on your material.
I love the N17 Motorway reference.
Someone's been doing their homework.
I"m going through the same process for a new story.
Dissecting NYC and WMD assembly protocols for an action/thriller.
Part of why I dig "travelogue" scripts is the fun of the research!

The tale is very well told, sparse exposition.
Just enough flashback visuals not quite veer into redundancy.

The God Stick reveal is tenfold stronger now after Adam's impassioned words.
Visceral image of one generation giving the stick to another.
The stick change is so much better now.
It builds the anticipation to the climax much smoother, IMO.

I think it still needs one last turn of the screw from Sorcha.
I still maintain she needs a line about the family to enrage Sean.
Something about "the new welp this time".
A crass remark about how the "last one" was a fun to watch deteriorate over the years.
Something personal about Sean's dad like that while he's "on the ropes".
That rage sparks his reversal and eventual destruction of Sorcha.
Which, BTW, is a great name and I liked her in that "other script" too.

Fine work!

Regards,
E.D.

Thanks for this giving this a reread, Kev and Brett.  Your comments are appreciated.  Except for this one.

Quoted from leitskev So the witch is 0 and 200. Even Ryan's Dolphin's are better than that!

Damn you to Sorcha's hell pit.  And the notion of the Colts running the table in reverse and getting Andrew Luck...guuuh.  Best not to think about it.

Now, as far as the grandfather not preparing Sean and just throwing him into the cottage for his throwdown, the way I saw it, it's not something that old Adam could  convince Sean was real without him seeing and experiencing it.  I mean, if an old man tells you this ancient witch is going to burst forth from the earth, you're probably going to think the old coot has lost his marbles.  Adam was too old and feeble to be in there with Sean, so, as he saw it, this was the only solution.  Not a perfect solution, by any means, but I suppose he felt the Roarke genes and the God Stick were enough to give Sean a fighting chance.  The sudden death of Sean's father forced this awkward situation where Sean was not properly prepared, so Adam had to make the best of it.

And as far as being 0-200, I guess Sorcha is at a serious disadvantage.  She's only got 60 seconds to make her escape, and these Roarke men got fightin' in their blood, as well as a sacred, almost invincible weapon.  So, yeah, she's got her work cut out for her.  Maybe there's been times in the past where she beat down the Roarke she was fighting, and nearly made it out of the cottage, only to sucked back into the pit at the last second.  One of the things I liked about idea behind the story was that this was merely the latest chapter in an ongoing family saga that will continue throughout the years.

Quoted from Ryan1 Thanks for this giving this a reread, Kev and Brett.  Your comments are appreciated.  Except for this one. Now, as far as the grandfather not preparing Sean and just throwing him into the cottage for his throwdown, the way I saw it, it's not something that old Adam could  convince Sean was real without him seeing and experiencing it.

Whatever tweaks you did this draft neutralized those concerns this time around.
I forgot to mention that earlier. And I should have.

ANd I wish the Fins all the luck in the world.
I love seeing underdogs prevailed, especially when they can't catch the Pats.

Comments are so valuable to me in so many intangible ways.
For instance, I was replying to your thoughts on Clone Wife today.
And that combined with something Mark said gave me a new inspiration.

Then WHAM-O! New Clone Wife ending!

Regards,
E.D.

Brett, I posted a suggestion for a new ending to Clone a while back. I guess you didn't like it, since no response. Funny thing was, I actually got a PM regarding it from someone I had never spoken to before. He called the suggestion "genius". Those words don't often attach themselves to anything related to me. So I've become friendly with the guy, we've reviewed each other's work. He's a pretty good writer.

Ryan, Dolphins haven't quit. I respect that. Not easy to hang tough in the NFL when there's nothing to play for. The Colts are not going to use that pick. They will trade it. Manning is coming back. Unless the Colts release him, in which case you guys can sign him. He's do a 26 million bonus in March, so he really might get released.

As far as the story, not sure if I made sense, but what I'm saying is that there's a lot of large leaps of faith you have to make to buy into things. Let me express a general point.

We all know that stakes are huge in film. For them to be effective, they also have to be believable to some extent. So sometimes we don't want the stakes to be calamity and destruction of the free world. It subtracts from the believability of things.

Even accepting all of these things, it does seem at the very least the grandfather would stay in with Sean and direct him against the witch. But the problem is cumulative. There are just too many times the audience is asked to suspend disbelief. But it seems to not have been a problem with most here.

I think the Colts just can't pass up on Luck.  He's viewed as this commodity that only comes up every ten years or so, and it's already been shown the Colts have no backup if Manning gets hurt.  The Manning trade is probably a little closer to reality.  Best case for the fins, they fire Sparano and grab either Gruden or Cowher, secure Manning in a trade and possibly grab Matt Barkley in the draft.

Quoted from leitskev Even accepting all of these things, it does seem at the very least the grandfather would stay in with Sean and direct him against the witch. But the problem is cumulative. There are just too many times the audience is asked to suspend disbelief. But it seems to not have been a problem with most here.

The problem I have with Adam being in there with Sorcha obviously is that he's just too old and feeble and Sorcha could use the old man's presence against Sean.  As in, hurting him badly, distracting Sean long enough to make her escape.