I don't read other posts before a review so you get a completely unbiased look.


With that said a little disclaimer:  take what's useful ignore what's not.  I dont try to insult anyone in what I say, if it comes across as insulting that was never the intention.  Please ask me to clarify so that we can both learn from the mistake.  

General comments:  

First off:  I'm not sure who the hero of this movie would be...  In that I think you wanted it to be Sebastian, but at times you shy away from him, and for long stretches it seems like we don't even know what he's doing.  

What makes this idea unique?  Right now it's a werewolf movie, but they've been done.  You have little twists on the idea here and there, but i don't know if it's creative enough to make someone want to make a movie out of it.  What do you think it is... maybe we could help you pull the idea out more?

As I read some of the humor worked some didn't.  I write similarly, so I know how hard it is to get that timing and humor right.  After a couple drafts it's hard to tell what's funny what's not.  So I'm just gonna tel you flat out, this isn't funny.  If i dont mention it, then it's alright, if I say it's funny then I laughed.  It's just one perspective on the humor, so keep that in mind.  

2:  your dialogue sometimes, characters say what they are thinking.  Other times you tend to telegraph an event.  You can be more subtle it'll be more suspenseful.  You write "short cut through the woods" blah blah...  Shortcut through the woods would've done the trick here.

0full moon (in dialogue) show in the action lines, it'll be subtler and accomplish the same thign.
4: about to cry look=maybe try: verge of tears
*keep your action chunks 4 lines or shorter

*action could be tighter.  In a rewrite I'd focus on this.... on page 4 you could've said Gains sings along to ________.  Thus shortening a 3 page paragraph to one sentence.

*read your dialogue out loud to yourself, this well help tremendously.

7-riffles=rifles
dont' you thinik they'd cover the body?

dialogues wordy:  you write "it would have been 1 hell of a big dog blah blah...  you could cut everything but "what kind of dog leaves prints this big!"

10: courted?  maybe dated, went out, daughter's friend.  Remember when you write dialogue time period, and character pov.  Would a father know they are dating, if they are what would he call it?  is he really that old school to call it courting?  Maybe it's your call.

12: crystal- this has been used before in movies.  kinda cliche

-I had an idea for your tornado line: the first guys says torndao line then the other guy could say:  a tornado with claws and razor sharp teeth.-just an idea

15.  Slow down!  What!  Why's a sheriff covering this up...  Kinda bizarre premise.  What's his stake in the town, fear would be the reaction, a lot of animals in the woods would die but would people leave?  For me this premise does not work.  Teh covr up is not good enough reason to keep quiet about this.

17: When andrew sticks his head outthe window it could just get lopped off.

20: casey that's unfair.  - this guy's a cop, and that line comes across as if he's a wussy with a capital p.  not strong enough.

21: casey doesnt talk like most 16 year olds.  
-i dont get why they tell her to shut up?

23: cub scout thing is funny but really inappropriate.  sexualizing young children's a big nono, it was kinda gross at the same time.  I'd be careful with that.
-10 seconds..classic joke....suprised it was that long.  

28 jaws line, distracting doesnt need to be in that speech.  The hotel tangent isn't funny for me.

32: sara's bit on the baby is really long, nevermind the fact that this doesnt have any bearing on the story.  Why do we care about this...so we feel sympathy for later...because if so, the creation of sympathy is very dependent on how you present her... the whole father's going ot kill you distracts me from feeling bad when she is later attacked.  You'd need to make it more about her worrying about the baby, and drop the humor related to it.  It's a tradeoff, again personal opinion.

AT this point eveyr attack has ended in attack.  Horror should be suspenseful my man!  Have soem of these "attacks" not occur.  Just build it up.  They get repetitive.

35: How does hanna know he's thinking about his mother...this conversation isn't something I'd have at 16 with my gf.
cheesy love lines (i thought shannon was going to die, right here-because of the gooshy love)

39: ummm....why kill yourself when you have a gun to kill hte thing with?  Maybe the lights not on upstairs but this seemed like a dumb response.

42: you justify him killing himself, it's not logical, it doesnt work for me.

44: gross! stereotypical PDA, I hate overly smoochy movies, I dont know how others feel about it, but what teenager acts like that!  I'll say no more re: pda, for it's personal distaste and no related to how good or bad the screenplay is.  

46: why do people smoke so much!  If it doesnt come back to play in the story who discuss it?

47: richard's line not funny too long, sarcastic timing is off, the lemonade it's all not the right moment for humor.  Using comic relief is all about lettign the audience take a breath after putting them through hell...Don't give them that breath during hell.

peta=that was funny

53; catch it?  why's it have to be alive?  I can identify a dead squirrel as easily as a living one...  if you want people to believe it has to be alive come up with a damn good reason.  

55: so many jokes about sex.  Some ar efunny, but some seem familiar.

56: you could stop withthe line nice knowin you.

*what's with the songs?  Only if it's important I don't think they ever come into play.

60; why are they talking about this at a party, they didnt' need to nothing happens, and no suspense gets built.  This would be a good moment ot build supse and then have nothing happen!  But really this scene could be easily dropped.  you could explain everythign earlier.

62: based on my experiecne you don't call cops pigs and walk away.  You normally get hit with something and then arrested.

77: term your looking for here: obstruction of justice

rash comment-not here, doesnt work for me

83: it's the end of hte journy and now we find out about them?  Kinda late.  I watched this movie for 1.5 hours and now I know what's goign on.  I'd work these details in trhoughout, not all at once.  Reveal bits and pieces of the tale.  This is your truly original idea.  How they developed.  your inciting incident coudl be something that happend at the nazi camp=show it, don't tell it.  Also the book idea, ehh it's okay, but if this is the only thing that separates your werewolf movie from the others you have to really blow people's minds.  You have a chance here to come up with your own werewolf myth, what's a reason you like, what would blow your mind, and think yeah! that's possible.  Cause right now it's a magic book, that's a little weak.

89: why's sebastian think casey knows somethign the two do't speak.

91: sebastian finds out his daughter just got knocked up and this little s*** questions him...  this is an opporutnity for comic relief.

*why do they eat people?

105: chase scen cool at first, then it just gets ridiculous.  Is he riding the werewolf?

How'd they get there from the game already, didn't they have to change?

108: people don't say you shot me, do they?  (kinda pointing out the obvious)

115: the reason is cause he's a virgin, I dunno how I feel bout this...I'm going back and forth.  If you got a little more technical...maybe it releases a hormone that's only in your blood stream during sex. or something...  But still how would it work pretty sure casey done the deed alone...  You really gotta think this one through to get the audience behind your here.

That's all for now, normally I think of general things in my head, as they ideas float around...  more later.

Now I remember

characters: some are okay. some just fall flat.  Plus there's a ton of them.  Giving people names makes me think they're important if it's just a goofy cop, call him that.  The two characters with personality sebastian and casey.  everyone else I couldnt tell you there names.  The guy who needs teh most work, the biologist.  He coudl bring a lot of legitmacy to your story from teh more scientific point of view...the other characters are really just victims right?/  Or potential victims that the audience should connect with....

thanks for your comments jaykur22.  I am in a the middle of my re-write so this will help a lot.  I have tried to fix some of these things already.  I know there are long stretches without Sebastian, I have re aranged some scenes already so that this doesn't happen.  He may be kind of a pussy whaen it comes to Casey because of their past, he's not as tough with him as he should be..  the cub scout remark wasn't ment in a sexual way at all.  My dad used to say that and I know that it is not ment to be taken that way.  The reason Edward kills himself is beacuse first off he was drunk as a skune and he knew he wouldn't beable to kill it, so he decided to go out on his own terms.  the reason richard wants to catch it alive is more for fame than anything else, I should have made it more clear.  and the reason I had the werewolves eat is beacause that's there predators, they stalk their prey, then kill them, plus I never see werewolves actually eat people in movies, they just kill them like they are serial killers, I thought it would be cool to watch them feed.  The being a virgin thing I am trying to work on cause ya, if he did it himself it would kind of have the same effect, maybe there could be an emotion that helps, that would make it different than manual.

anyways, thanks for your comments.  

Man, I'm sorry it took me so long for this one... I agreed to read this one a week and a half ago and review it. I normally get right on my reviews and this was sitting on my desktop since then.

Sad part about it was I read the thing over that weekend and then had to re-read it just to get familiar with it again.

So, without further delay, my 100% blunt (as always) review of your screenplay!

Underneath, where to start but the start... ya know?

I love gore in movies. I do. I don't write that way, though... I've never been one to go into too much detail about gore and blood work. I'm creative in the sense I don't feel I need it in any story I tell... You however, WOW! This is easily a movie I'd sit and pick apart the gore scenes on... Much like I do with Bava or Fulci's stuff or Soavi, even. Your opener was probably the best thing you could have done here. It kept me pretty much hooked to know what else could you throw at me.

Your format and writing is very good. So now I can add you to the list of writers I'll look forward to seeing more stuff from, that's for sure. Brea is one of the writers I just love reading stuff from, cause she's makes everything so interesting. You've shown shades of that here too.

I, for one, didn't like the use of songs here and there in your script... Check around, though, and you'll see several instances where I piss and moan about people using songs here and there in their scripts. It's not a big deal (overall) but it is, ya know? It's like an annoyance, maybe.

You built up a good case for a who is it? And it paid off by and large. Some of your characters didn't seem as relevant during the middle to end as they might've during the 1st act... I felt your dialogue was strong (OVERALL) but you also had some spots where you felt it necessary to let us know something that might not have been so earth shattering.

In the end I walked away with a MALE PERSPECTIVE OF GINGER SNAPS, maybe. This is kinda what GINGER SNAPS touched on, only in a bit of a different way "in the female sense" I liked it. I really do. I think it's probably "BREA'S SCRIPT DEVIL IN D MINOR, aside" the best script I've read since I've been back.

&, yes, that is saying something... I am, however, looking forward to reading more from you so if you got some new stuff or old stuff or whatever, let me know. I'll get a review up faster next time.

FINAL THOUGHTS ON IT : For what it was (A WEREWOLF STORY) you can't go wrong with reading this one... Even more so when you stack this script up to about 50 I.Q. reducing scripts, in and around the boards, as of late.

WOW, Thanks Balt.  To be honest I was kinda worried what you were gonna say cause I read som eof your other reviews, and well, you were brutaly honest, but that's a good thing.  I am glad you liked this.  I am working on my re-write right now, I just finished the first act, and yes, other than the first song, I am taking them all out, I will put them in my script notes.

Are you from canada by the way, cause I didn't know gingersnaps was released out of Canada.  I have only seen the last half of the second one myself.

Which characters do you think I need to work more on?  I hope this is something I can fix.

by the way I think The Devil in D minor is probably one of the best scripts I have read on this site as well.

I also have one other feature written but I read in some of your posts you don't like the friday the 13/halloween rip off's, and it is a masked killer story with  a little bit of a haunted house story thrown into the mix.  I just sent in m y re-write and it should be up in the next batch.  It's called vengeance in the thriller section, but I have changes the title to Whispers, so if you wanna take a look at it that be cool, I just don't know if it is something you care for that much.  

anyways thanks for your coments and they will help me with my re-write.

Sorry for the late review.

The dialogue was great, for instance, in the beginning you captured the small-town feel and everyone a real yokel vibe going on. But this was also kind of a problem, sometimes everyone sounded the same, I found myself having to check the characters name again, to make sure who was speaking. Then everything flashed forward forty-years and that problem disappeared. Other than that small complaint, a great effort on your part.

Your format was fine although there were a few places were dialogue and character names was all over the place (Page 24). It looks more like a glitch then something you did. Other than that, format was fine.

Your descriptions were probably my favorite aspect of this one, they were extremely violent and gruesome, they kept me hooked.

Overall, good job.

-Zavier  

Thanks for the read Nixon

That glitch on page 24 must have happened when I saved it to a PDF file, I dunno why it did that.

Glad you liked it.

Thanks again

Hey, Jordan, I gots ya a good, short review right here:

-- I liked the dialogue, though, in the beginning, I don't think boys 10 years old would begin say the word "shit" unless their family usually uses it...or I dunno.

-- Your way of having them get the curse of the werewolf is original. I like that.

-- You have some spelling errors, but that won't kill anyone.

-- You tend to be repetetive sometimes. "Suddenly there is a loud growl" "he is torn to shreds" "Growling can be heard" But that is what werewolves do I guess. Growl and tear.

One of the kids needed to turn into a zombie...Just kidding! I enjoyed it and I give it 5 stars.

Sean

Thanks Sean for the read.  Glad you liked it

Sorry I didn't put any zombies in there, maybe next time

And at long last, here is your review.  Maybe a good thing about delayed reviews is that now your script gets put at the top of the page for more potential reads.  Yes!

SPOILERS THROUGHOUT!!!

Okay, so I jotted down some stuff while reading, not too much, but some of the more blunt things and they are:

*31: Throwing the picture seems awkward.  Obviously Casey and his father have a long, troubled relationship. Why would he suddenly crack now and throw the picture of his mom?  Maybe the therapy session, I don't know.
*I'm digging the scenes that you have with the werewolf, but you should use more descriptive words for it.  Instead of saying words like large or big or even using figures to describe stuff, use 50 cent words like towering or gangling or something.  I think they just have a better effect than large or big.
*41: When Sebastian runs his hand through his hair you should have a bunch of drool get caught in it too hahaha.
*I like the Jaws references.  The animal guy is even named Richard haha.
*84: I'm not sure about Richard being arrested.  Sebastian knew of the risk and the situation was really blurry, so I don't know if it's proper to place blame on him.
*85: you keep misspelling minute.  What the hell?
*86: The police bruality thing.  I'll finish reading and if it doesn't unwind then I'll come back to it.
*89: Lines like "this is just so hard to believe" or "I don't believe this!" is wasted dialogue.  Use something clever, or even simply put "unbelievable." It just sounds better
*92: This whole animal guy thing seems like entrapment, but I'll hold off on that until the end
*98: Sara and Justin have been trying to tell Sebastian of their marriage/pregnancy throughout the story and then they tell him at the football game?  That seems very out of place.
*110: I don't know if you intended this, but some of Sebastian's lines after someone is killed are really funny.  "Take Tom's truck.  Looks like he won't be needing it anymore." And also with Mike "he's not going anywhere."  Haha
*111: "Do you think you can make it?" when they're about to jump to the tree.  Another example of pointless dialogue because you hear it all the time and even if they don't think they can make it, they try anyway.
*116: Richard aiming at Kevin seems very out of place.  When he's introduced he seems like this compassionate, geeky scientist guy and as a reader I felt bad for him with the beating in the cell, but seeing as now he's threatening a cop you don't like him as much anymore.
*116: And upon finishing the above and reading on I think Richard's character is now virtually pointless.


So after finishing I went through the thread to see what other people had to say.  For one, I loved the opening of Francis getting killed.  You even went one step further as to include the breaking of his nose and intestines being gutted out(someone even stepped on the intestine, or was that the Andrew killing?)  If Hollywood puts all of these brutal rapes and whatnot into all of these films, then why can't there be a child's death?  This is an action flick, come on now.  And about that, it didn't seem very horrorish, but more of an action/mystery/suspense kind of thing.  If it were filmed you could easily make it a horror with camera angles and whatnot.

Some of the characters were okay, some didn't do it for me.  The sub-story of Justin and Sara with their relationship worked(until they tell Sebastian at the football game for whatever reason).  Casey and Hannah had a good thing going, then you had Casey's three friends who came off as total pricks at times which was good.  The ones who didn't do it for me were all the supporting guys, such as George and Pete and Mike and Tom and Larry and Frank and Kevin and you see where I'm going here?  My issue is that they were too much alike--in fact they all seemed like the same character at times.  You could have had Sebastian say instead of "Get me George" say "Get me Kevin" and there'd be no difference.  Give them some more character traits or change their names to things like Shithouse which allows the reader to easily decifer who's who.  

As I stated in the notes, by the time Richard was killed I felt that his character was pointless.  Mysterious creatures are killing people so the police call in this animal expert guy.  Good start.  Then he suggests an operation to capture one of these things and the police agree to it.  They want to know what it is too, right?  Yeah, so that was good.  Then there was the miscue during the actual shooting and suddenly Richard became the bad guy and was thrown in jail(and beaten up, you should take that out IMO).  By now I feel bad for Richard and I'm thinking that he'll come along and save the day.  Instead, he heads up to the woods, shoots a cop, threatens to kill the cop, then dies right there.  Essentially, I started disliking him when he pointed the gun at Kevin, then he died in vein. He didn't bring anything to the story.  If you were to rework this then I'd have Sebastian pissed at him after he accidentally shoots Kevin, he breaks out of jail, then helps take down a couple of the werewolves at the end and make up with Sebastian so there's a little development there.  My 2 cents on that.

The story was good.  I don't see that many werewolf movies so this is pretty original for me.  Personally I think werewolves are a very cool concept and you captured their essence with all the attacks in here.  The gore was awesome.  Descriptions like the snot thing and eye jelly at the end are provocative and I dig gore like that.  Some may not, but I think it's all a matter of opinion.  I saw that your first draft was 170 pages?  Whew.  I think to make your story that much cooler you could cut out a character or two(I.e. Peter or George or Mike or Kevin etc etc) and use those pages to go a little more into that book, because that's a really cool concept.  Anytime you bring in a direct relation to Hitler then that rises a few eyebrows and creates interest.  

Dialogue was okay except for the stuff I pointed out above with the crap like "I don't believe this!" when they see a werewolf.  Something like "holy heaven shitting down upon us!" would work better.  Still sounds off key, but you get it.  I also liked the revelation at the end where you could only transform into a werewolf if you lost your virginity, which played in perfectly with the increased development of Casey and Hannah's relationship.  Oooh that scene would be very messy if it were filmed haha.

I liked the ending alot.  It took until the last page for there to be some development between Casey and Sebastian, but it was there and it ended on a strong note.  Sad really.  Sebastian goes through all of this to protect his family, especially the son who hates him, then when everyone realizes everything, it's too late.  Casey didn't believe Sebastian's claims of a werewolf, but after killing Hannah in wolf form, Casey realizes that his father was still trying to protect him.  Father and son.  Well done.

So overall this read really fast!!  Breezed right through!  You've got spelling typos and stuff to correct, but the story moves right along with the assistance of some delicious gore you have here.  I am very pleased to have read this.  It's just  a shame it took me so long to get around to it   Sorry about that.  Anyway, nicely done!!

Dear Lord, 3 of my scripts got reads in the past 24 hrs, what the heck is going on

Anyways thanks for the read and comments Greg I'm glad you liked it for the most part.

This script originally was 220 pages and had a lot of shit that wasn't need so then I cut it down to 170, then 140, not it's at 125, which I think is OK.

The Richard character I kinda based on Burk from aliens, you think he's a nice guy, but he's actually a prick only thinking about himself, at least that's how I tried to make him come across.  I also think Sebastian had the right to arrest his, I think knocking a weapon out of a police officers hand is a crime, and then on the beating, Sebastian was on the edge with all that had happened, he just lost it, maybe I should develop that a bit more.

I think you and only one other person has mentioned the bestiality scene, I thought I would get flak for that, but I think killing the kid at the beginning up set the most people, I dunno why.

anyways thanks for the read and comments, you gave me some good pointers.  

I havent read anyone posts yet, also I need to type pg - 29. That i found, errors, and problems. I'm still reading. page 66 now. Here is what I have so far, I said i would get somethin up in couple hours, i like to keep me word.

Remove all references to cut to, int/ext says this already

Also something minor, that is major. You are missing A LOT of comas throughout your script. Those need to be in place.

Strikes me odd, two old men, one with liq bottle can stumble onto a crime scene. It would be roped off.

Page 34. 'H fidgets' HE

Ext. park convo between Hannah and casey, can be cut if it doent play a part further into the script. We already know he is hurt. No need to pile It on.

39. 'whey, that hell not.' Why

Pg 39 sequence, needs to be cut down. You have extra things that takes away from sense of urgency. Needs to get quicker to action. Short these typs of scenes if not totally remove.

Pg 47. a party?Very clich, in horror movie, party always happens

Pg 48. 'hid desk' His

Pg 49. 'quite over' Quit. Also from here to page 51, then whole scene, I it doesn�t play a part later in the script, it needs to be removed. Good dialogue, but story is dragging.

Pg 52. 'how long os' IS
Pg 60 'what can I get for you frank.' Needs ?
Pg 62 'one minuet' Minute and pg 63, my god and pg 65

Pg 65. They found something? This should be hinted on earlier in the movie, cuz sounds like now, Tyler, Royce and sammy are the werewolves. But I hope im wrong. I like being surprised

Pg 79 ‘balk’ talk

Pg 80. ‘Why.’ Why?

Pg 84 ‘richard’ richard.


Whole fight in cell seems really forced and unnecessary.

Pg 90 unbelievable, needs to be cap.

93. This is like the 3rd time, some calls sheriff, to come down quick. You need to change this, its repetitive. Like He choses go out there with them. Try and limit the phone calls ( not cinematic)

94. You refer to ‘mike’s wife’s head’. You gave her a name, use it.

95. I don’t buy, they leave a crime scene like that and to go watch a foot ball game. Is this a serious horror movie or not serious horror movie?
Cuz I get serious vibe from it, but you do a lot of intended humorous one liners (at intense/action points) and silly things like that in this which throws me off. So this a film like “cursed,” “slither”

98. you’ needs to be capitalized

99. How did seb, know about the pregnancy and marriage?  Y doesn’t Sara act surprised that he knows? When she has ‘something’ to talk about.

101. How does a were wolf on ‘all fours’ take a cue and impale someone? If he was standing, why does he go to all fours? Also, I don’t see how/why a werewolf with six inche claws could close his fight to throw a cue, or why even use a stick to kil l instead of claws/teeth

105. Out of  charcter for casey to say “ absurd”

109. Another phone call. Why don’t your police have radios? That would work a lot better.

113 ‘ He raise’ raises

114. sparks everywhere’ . Missing the period

119. I know what I have to do’… cheesy…
119, re heard’ Are
125 father eyes’ needs perion. I think you should hold on seb saying ‘Im sorry’ until casey says Im sorry’. Instead of saying ‘it’s okay casey’…Seb could say “Me too” which id double meaning, sorry for killing him and also for what he did too his Mom.

I think the book thing was a cop out. Although inventive, was too easy.  What was the purpose of those teens going after specific people? Not random friends or teens? If they could change any time, how come most hunted in the woods? And at night?

Overall, I like the story. Entertaining. But you did have a lot of down moments, and useless scenes that did not push the plot forward. Example car ride with seb and Richard. Again good dialogue, but did serve for anything. You might say for to show his character(Richards) but he is not a main character for development.

Seb doesn’t really change at all to me. Casey does, which is good.  You have A LOT of grammar work to be done, and a lot of editing. Like removing written humor example
‘ There is tom, or at least half of him’ Just say ‘Tom’s torso lies on the floor’.

Professionals would like that.

Great job again. I believe this story could good at 105-110 pages. I wasn’t really surprised by who the werewolves were, you plainly said it (what I mentioned b4) up top. Cuz by the end once all 3 were dead, and story wasn’t coming to conclusion,  Casey would be the last one of the ones who found the book.

Decent ending. I really don’t see why he wouldn’t just kill himself, since he killed her girl. You wanted it to be dramatic, so father would have to. My personal opinion if he should say something, that he forgive his dad and understands why mom did what she did, cause he feel he has nothing to leave for now. Then right b4 he pumps the trigger, he drops gun and he starts to turn. Then rest is history. Hope this helps.

Hey JD, thank you very much for the read and comments

I know the old guy stumbling into a crime scene may seem odd, this is a small town, a kind of place where they wouldn't have roped off, even if they had it they probably wouldn't use it.  Life in a small town is very different than larger towns or cities, the law is even different, they don't follow the same procedure as large cities, it's like it's own country in a way.  When I lived in Minnesota I lived in a town of less than 1000.  It's so much different than any city or large town.

This town is the kind of place that shuts down on Friday nights cause of the high school football game.  Maybe I need to establish that a bit more.

The scene in the park with Hannah and Casey was just to introduce Hannah, I just didn't want her showing up without a reference.

the bar scene is used to set up Justin and Sarah, without it the audience would have no idea who these people are when the show up, it also established the bar which will is the local hang out.

I had a party cause that's what teenagers do, especially in a small town, there really isn't much to do so they throw parties, just a fact of life.

Yeah I know the assault in the jail cell seems to be one thing most people don't like, I have toned it down from the original, but I wanted to show Sebastian's rage at that point of the story.

I agree that I should take out some of the humor, some of it distracts from the story.

The reason they leave Mike's house is so Sebastian can get to Casey, He wants him to leave town.

These werewolves also crawl on all fours and on their hind legs, so when it impales Tom it is on its hinds.

The reason the Werewolves are mostly in the woods is cause of instinct for them, and they really don't hunt down specific people at first, then more so with Mike, Justin and Sara, I just thought it would be some part of the human being in them, a memory.

Sebastian doesn't find out about the pregnancy till after he picks them up on the road on page 121

I did have a lot more on the book that I took out, there was an extra 50 pages just on the book and it was waaaaaaay too long.

On the ending I wanted Sebastian to kill Casey, if it ended on a suicide without one last Werewolf fight I think the audience would have felt cheated, it needed to end on an attack, I was at first thinking Casey would do it, but then I thought it wasn't satisfying or have as much of a punch.

I never planned on hiding who the werewolves are, it's impossible to do without it being obvious, I have never seen a werewolf movie that kept that a secret, American Werewolf in London/Paris, the howling, underworld, The wolf man, teen wolf, it was always obvious who it was, the one movie that did try to make it a mystery was Silver bullet, which is an Awesome movie, but I knew the very second the character stepped into frame that he was the Werewolf, I don't think anyone was fooled.

Anyways Thanks again for your comments.

Quoted from The boy who could fly Sebastian doesn't find out about the pregnancy till after he picks them up on the road on page 121

Then you need to look at page 99 again. Seb say' " we ill talk about marriage pregnancy thing later"

Quoted from The boy who could fly On the ending I wanted Sebastian to kill Casey, if it ended on a suicide without one last Werewolf fight I think the audience would have felt cheated, it needed to end on an attack, I was at first thinking Casey would do it, but then I thought it wasn't satisfying or have as much of a punch.

Yea, well i meant have casey about to do it himself, then be he pulls the triggers, he drops the gun and starts to turn. Then they have to put him down without words. ( just my opinion)

Quoted from The boy who could fly I never planned on hiding who the werewolves are, it's impossible to do without it being obvious, I have never seen a werewolf movie that kept that a secret, American Werewolf in London/Paris, the howling, underworld, The wolf man, teen wolf, it was always obvious who it was, the one movie that did try to make it a mystery was Silver bullet, which is an Awesome movie, but I knew the very second the character stepped into frame that he was the Werewolf, I don't think anyone was fooled.

Good point(ive seen all of those). I always love werewolf movies. I really like your story on it aswell.