Hi Steve,

Thanks again for the insight and feedback. I think the the main thing (apart from cleaning up the slugs) will be to make some cuts and get the pacing back to an acceptable level.

Again, I really appreciate the time. Please let me know if there is anything you'd like me to read.

Stew

I'm not going to spend a lot of time making suggestions here.  The writing is top notch and the story works.  Aside from a few places where I would maybe shorten dialogue discussion, it's good stuff.

However, that being said, that is also the problem here.  Whist, the story works, I've also seen it before.  There were so many times in this script where I forgot the story was about Hope Falls and thought I was reading Eight-Legged Freaks.  The only reason I knew I wasn't was because this isn't as amusing as ELF.

That's not to say it isn't a well done genre piece, it is.  I just wish it could have made a more distinct impact.   Because I was so very reminded of ELF, I kept expecting this to get funnier - it didn't and that disappointed me as a reader.  

As this stands, it's a great script to shop around, it shows talent and promise, but I doubt very much that it will be salable because it isn't unique enough.  I could be and hope that I am wrong about that.

Hope that helps,

Michael  

Hi Michael,

Thank you for the positive feedback. I agree with you in regards to the familiarity with ELF. The biggest issue overall with this script is the that it does not stand out compared to other scripts in the genre.

I still love it and we will be working on tightening it once more and will try to infuse some of that humour that was lost between revisions. But it is a hard sell.

Thanks again,
Stew

Quoted from mcornetto However, that being said, that is also the problem here.  Whist, the story works, I've also seen it before.  There were so many times in this script where I forgot the story was about Hope Falls and thought I was reading Eight-Legged Freaks.  The only reason I knew I wasn't was because this isn't as amusing as ELF. That's not to say it isn't a well done genre piece, it is.  I just wish it could have made a more distinct impact.   Because I was so very reminded of ELF, I kept expecting this to get funnier - it didn't and that disappointed me as a reader.

Sadly, I do agree with the lion's share of what Michael says.
And you know I like Hope Falls. But maybe this might shed some light for you...

Here's an example that IMO fits the "freshness bill":
It's a wee Irish ditty that debuted at Sundance this week called, "Grabbers".

Check out the logline:
When an island off the coast of Ireland is invaded by bloodsucking aliens, the heroes discover that getting drunk is the only way to survive.

How cool is that?!?!?
And here's a positive review from Sundance too!

http://www.fearnet.com/news/reviews/b25192_sundance_2012_grabbers_review.html

Regards,
E.D.

Quoted from Electric Dreamer Sadly, I do agree with the lion's share of what Michael says. And you know I like Hope Falls. But maybe this might shed some light for you... Here's an example that IMO fits the "freshness bill": It's a wee Irish ditty that debuted at Sundance this week called, "Grabbers". Check out the logline: When an island off the coast of Ireland is invaded by bloodsucking aliens, the heroes discover that getting drunk is the only way to survive. How cool is that?!?!? And here's a positive review from Sundance too! http://www.fearnet.com/news/reviews/b25192_sundance_2012_grabbers_review.html Regards, E.D.

Now that looks pretty funny!

I believe in our characters and the storyline; I just think we (my co-writer and I) need to work with the material and re-work it into something new; something a little higher concept.

The recent reads have definitely got this back on my radar. I'm just finishing up a first draft of something so I can hand it off to my co-writer. I may just go back and start re-working this.

Thanks again for all the feedback and comments from everyone.

Stewart