Quoted Text I do  completely appreciate how this is not explicitly clear in the script, though; I wanted to focus more on atmosphere and horror and cut out a bunch of shitty exposition.

I can dig it, man. I think this would play really well on screen... and probably would be less confusing for idiots like myself. Like I said, a lot of cool visuals and creepy atmosphere/tone. I do like the abstract kinda feel you got going with this. I like movies that leave the interpretation open to the audience -- it makes for great conversation. Would make a cool arthouse horror flick in the tradition of other fucked up movies like "Wicker Man", "Midsommar", "Rosemary's Baby" and maybe even the very underrated "Endless"... which I didn't really understand. But I enjoyed the shit outta the ride.

-- Michael

Hey Ben, sorry I've taken ages but heres atleast half of the review.

The begining grabbed my attention and there's a eerie way you've described your noises and voices. I like it, one of the most important things about horror films and using that to your level is a plus. One page in and you have me hooked! The hopelessness you feel in that opening sequence is great. Making your main character a girl and vulnerable pulls us in as readers, making them want to escape to that safety.
- I love the emptiness of lighting you used on page 3 - very visual and you set a nice tone.
One thing I thought I would 'correct formatting' not that this is so much important, because well I just don't think getting into it this much importantly is even worth it but anyways - Aparently phone calls are (V.O) not (O.S) This is something I've just learnt recently too (by the way to me it don't fucking matter lol - just thought i'd tell you what I learnt). I think everybody understands what you were saying.

But also, heres another thing I've just learnt when somebody says something on tv next to the name you put FILTERED not even a (V.O) or (O.S) - My supper fun fact of the week to keep you excited off your feet!

I ould suggest that with the introduction to John and Maddisons relationship there were more of a description on their relationship. That being said you're dialog, you manage to get to the point while still coming across as very natural charrocters.

Ben I love your description of Merrick, your faded yellow signs, it makes me feel like I'm out there. The distrraught neglect of it all.
Some people say don't be too descriptive with rooms - I say maybe not always, because what you've done to Dr. Richards house, gave it some creepy auesthetic whilst still cutting it down. If that were me I'd love to get some of your skill on opening scenes and how you describe new places. You're very skilled with that and I wouldn't take anyones advice on trying to change that. Unless I'm wrong but whatever, I don't think I am.

Also another thing Ia have to bring up, was this a real shipreck? If it is this is fucking scary as shit. Also if it is, well done man I love these sorts of films that bring a essence of real life in. Makes it all the more interesting.

I think on your creepiness building (tension) you have it spot on but one thing I would change is maybe the scene with Maddison doing the podcast, something goes wrong right there even if it's logical. Like an old antique falls or something?

Just a quick notw I would get Helens and Maddisons ending of the phone conversation (page 12), maybe Helens characteristics or attitude can change once the podcast is over. Make her more human when she's stopped recording.

On page 15 it would come across more hair-on-neck-standing, that moment when Zellah touches Maddison's stomach (womb) maybe something eeriely can happen then, like her mother's V.O or some distaughted visions for Maddison. Make us hear some horrid noises for half a second.

On page 16 Jamie should say something more about Dr. Richards, like make an old wives tale right there? That would be a great place to slot it in.
But Jamie's and Maddisons relationship is so well written, I got to give it to you, and I havn't got into the anatomy of why I love Jamie so much, but I will. You've thought alot about you're characters, you've made them down to earth people too, so when they're freaked out, we definately know there's something to be worried about.

On page 17 - "Suddenly the noise of the woman sobbing ..... No this is coming from outside the bathroom" LOVE IT! and again being a little nerd - there's some screenwriters that would say - 'don't be so narrative' - I agree but in some cases. Surely this script is good with what you put in there. But surely that makes our mind more like a puzzle, as soon as you say it - "No this is coming from outside the bathroom" that makes us move with the character.

OK ben that's two pages typed of what I've written on paper, sorry taken so long just got home last night. I'll type the rest up this week.
Overall I do enjoy your writting, you have a technique that makes the characters as interesting as they are, be sorrounded by this much bigger picture. I'll get back to you soon in a few days with some more of the report - that's about the first 20 pages. Stay safe man.

Thanks Billy, no rush. Thanks for the little read.

No don’t worry I’ve done upto 50 pages now just need to type it up I don’t know why I did it on paper

OK. Let's continue and apologies again for taking this long, I really don't mean to.

So how you open you're scenes, I'm really a fan of, you have a talent of using either focused shots which grow into your scenes and I think that's great visual story telling. On page 22 - I know you have the voice over is there anyway to insert a cut instead? probably just my taste but I'm gunna get grilled for the V.O too soon, just been reading some of my diolog and fuck me it sounds cheesy as fuck voice over. I just think with Maddisons mother if there's a way to bring us back to the memory of her saying that or if it's a ghost idk. It don't matter.

I think another big help would be to add in some audio stuff to make us realise how Maddison feels, like on page 22 when she hears the screams of the toddler - make us hear her pulsing blood or something or heartbeat or weird breathing (just a suggestion) don't matter. But you have written psychologically teasingly and I like it.

You're writing for the surgery I think was simple, eleagant and efficiant, it was defo a smooth read and the diolog with Doctor Singh was as real as any doctor I've been to. Maybe if he gave more of a reason why maddison shouldn't stay in the town though? (By the way I could be completetly wrong I'm just saying what I'd do)

Another thing, you're talented with you're scene locations and formatting, reading this script I'm learning from you.
Page 33! Yeah that's some spine tingling horror! I got to give it to you Ben, you got the vision to creep us all out.
I just want to compliment you on the relationship writing between Jamie and Maddison, it's down to earth and believable. I might add to play on Jamie's sensitivities some more, when you write like that, it makes him come across as likeable, like when he's in the car asking if everything was alright after he slept with Maddison, that side of him just makes us love him, and realise he really cares, by showing his vulnerabilities.

I'm gunna keep going my friend unless you want me to stop, if you want me to message instead let me know bro.

I really do like how strange everything turns around Korey, And how you started the movie off with the car accident, you've used that as a pretty good spine throughout the movie.
When Jamie finds out that Zellah is involved, because that's his friend maybe he doubts Maddison for a moment when she tries to call the police or asks for the phone. on around page 50.

On page 51 I really like how everything is turning on Maddison I would suggest maybe that the same policeman is seen ealier in the film or something maybe he's loitering but I do love these types of films in the end when everything turns on them a little Ari Aster! When normal things start to become strange and the answers arn't so logical anymore. Like shutter island too that was a great film.
I think some of the action lines don't need to be there like with Maddison's voice being hoarse I think that should be in the parenthesis on page 52.

I do enjoy your features of the rain and the mud and the visibility it all links up to this horrific aesthetic. Flash flooding on page 54, very good idea, keep them isolated. It also really reminds me of Darren Aronofsky's mother, how you've warped and sent us into some psychotic episode with Maddion.

Thanks for the read Billy, I’ll get going finishing your Arab Spring script. I’m on my phone so I can’t refer to the specific pages you’ve highlighted but I will do so later.

Glad you found it scary, ive not really written horror before so that’s nice to hear.

Agree that there a few scenes that lack clarity and are a bit too unclear so I’ll make sure to fix that up.

Thanks again

Thankyou and your doing good man you’re still a better writer then me and love your script