SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is July 6th, 2020, 11:09am
Please login or register.
Was PortalRecent PostsHome Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for 2019 - 2020 award consideration
The Writer's Tournament is on!

Submit your WT script to simplyscripts.com/owc

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Review My Logline  ›  "Yellow Fever" - Logline Review Request Moderators: LC
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    "Yellow Fever" - Logline Review Request  (currently 145 views)
RShwab
Posted: May 28th, 2020, 12:26pm Report to Moderator
New-ish


Posts
8
Posts Per Day
0.21
Logline: An impulsive American tourist with an assertive girlfriend back home proposes marriage to a small-town Chinese woman, then blunders into an awkward �menage a trois� when his persistent foreign fianc�e arrives at his doorstep .

This is the Rom-Com approach.

Same story, simple logline revised:  In a modernist "Madama Butterfly", a vacationing American tourist becomes engaged to a small-town Chinese woman, but upon his return home he regrets his hasty romance when his persistent foreign fiancée arrives at his doorstep.  

Revision History (3 edits; 1 reasons shown)
RShwab  -  June 26th, 2020, 12:04pm
Logged Offline
Private Message
LC
Posted: June 13th, 2020, 12:17am Report to Moderator
Board Moderator


Do you like to eat pie after a good movie?

Location
The Great Southern Land
Posts
4230
Posts Per Day
0.98
Bit confusing to be honest. Is the assertive girlfriend the same woman who arrives on his doorstep?

Might be a better adjective than 'assertive' too - like demanding, or high maintenance.
And it sounds like the American tourist acts impulsively by proposing marriage while he's overseas, is that right?



Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 6
RShwab
Posted: June 13th, 2020, 8:17am Report to Moderator
New-ish


Posts
8
Posts Per Day
0.21
Yes, he, the tourist, proposes marriage while he is in China.  That makes the woman the foreign fiancee.  The girlfriend is back home.  I was trying to be economical.  Thanks for your comments.

The story is a modernist take-off from "Madama Butterfly".
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 6
ajr
Posted: June 13th, 2020, 8:23am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Posts
1365
Posts Per Day
0.35
If I'm off base, I will delete this comment... I would not call it Yellow Fever. "Yellow" from what I know is a derogatory term for Asian persons.

AJR


Click HERE to read JOHN LENNON'S HEAVEN https://preview.tinyurl.com/John-Lennon-s-Heaven-110-pgs/
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 6
RShwab
Posted: June 13th, 2020, 8:34am Report to Moderator
New-ish


Posts
8
Posts Per Day
0.21
I am glad you noticed.  I put it in quotes, for the time being.  It comes from the Navy Vet  sidekick character as a possible explanation for the protagonists condition.  In Chinese, Huang Bing.  Could go with something like  "Asian Fever".
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 6
eldave1
Posted: June 13th, 2020, 11:54am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



Location
Southern California
Posts
5809
Posts Per Day
2.68
Maybe:

After a vacationing tourist impulsively proposes marriage to a local, l small-town Chinese woman, he must face the consequences when his long-time American girlfriend surprises him with a visit.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 6
Heretic
Posted: June 18th, 2020, 12:43pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Burnaby, British Columbia, Canada
Posts
1800
Posts Per Day
0.30
Strong recommend against the title. I wouldn't use "Asian Fever" either. Spike Lee can do it. We cannot.

I think you should build on Dave's recommendation. The "After (x) happens, the protagonist must (y)" structure is always nice and clear because it matches the way the story will progress.


Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 6 - 6
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Review My Logline  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006