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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Review My Logline  ›  Logline review Moderators: LC
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Phillyghostwriter
Posted: November 25th, 2021, 7:58am Report to Moderator
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Hello all,

Here is my logline for review.

Known for his hilarious prank phone calls, a popular radio DJ may have played his last prank as the joke turns into a life-or-death circumstance.

Thank you in advance for any feedback that you can provide.
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Yuvraj
Posted: November 25th, 2021, 8:05am Report to Moderator
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Hi there,

Welcome to SS.

I think your logline works fine. It gives a clear picture of what to expect.

Good luck with it.  


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Matthew Taylor
Posted: November 25th, 2021, 8:24am Report to Moderator
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Can you not shorten this...

"Known for his hilarious prank phone calls, a popular radio DJ..."

to this...

"A popular DJ prankster..."


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khamanna
Posted: November 25th, 2021, 8:27am Report to Moderator
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I liked the first part “Known for his prank phone calls, a popular DJ”
The rest didn’t draw my attention. I think it could be more concrete. As it is, it’s vague and the only thing it does is suggests a thriller. It could be more maybe
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khamanna
Posted: November 25th, 2021, 8:29am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Matthew Taylor
Can you not shorten this...

"Known for his hilarious prank phone calls, a popular radio DJ..."

to this...

"A popular DJ prankster..."


I agree!
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SteveClark
Posted: November 25th, 2021, 9:59am Report to Moderator
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Hello! … popular radio DJ. I like that. I wouldn’t change it. I think popular DJ prankster leads us to believe he might be a club DJ or a wedding DJ or whatever else. Radio DJ offers clarity.

My issue is the end of this. Life or death circumstance is a bit ambiguous. And who is the recipient of this life or death circumstance?


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eldave1
Posted: November 25th, 2021, 10:50am Report to Moderator
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Cool concept.

Don't think you need hilarious - prank gets at it already.

Like Kham - I'd like a little more specifics on the last part -



My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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