Hello all,

Here is my logline for review.

Known for his prank phone calls, a popular radio DJ may have played his last shenanigan as the joke turns into a humorless situation.

Thank you in advance for any feedback that you can provide.

Hi there,

Welcome to SS.

I think your logline works fine. It gives a clear picture of what to expect.

Good luck with it.  

Can you not shorten this...

"Known for his hilarious prank phone calls, a popular radio DJ..."

to this...

"A popular DJ prankster..."

I liked the first part “Known for his prank phone calls, a popular DJ”
The rest didn’t draw my attention. I think it could be more concrete. As it is, it’s vague and the only thing it does is suggests a thriller. It could be more maybe

Quoted from Matthew Taylor Can you not shorten this... "Known for his hilarious prank phone calls, a popular radio DJ..." to this... "A popular DJ prankster..."

I agree!

Hello! … popular radio DJ. I like that. I wouldn’t change it. I think popular DJ prankster leads us to believe he might be a club DJ or a wedding DJ or whatever else. Radio DJ offers clarity.

My issue is the end of this. Life or death circumstance is a bit ambiguous. And who is the recipient of this life or death circumstance?

Cool concept.

Don't think you need hilarious - prank gets at it already.

Like Kham - I'd like a little more specifics on the last part -

A popular radio DJ, and prankster, won't find his final prank so amusing.


Or


A popular DJ prankster may have pulled off his best, and last, prank yet.

How about...

"A popular Radio DJ may have played his last on-air prank when the 'victim' turns psycho and comes looking for revenge."

Not sure if the ending is where the story goes but seemed kinda implied.

Known for his hilarious prank phone calls, a popular radio DJ may have played his last prank as the joke turns into a life-or-death circumstance.

It's a bit repetitive. You don't need the word "radio." He's a DJ. Radio is a given. As others have mentioned, I'd also lose the word "hilarious." As witnessed by the fact that someone wants to kill him over his prank phone calls, not everyone in your script finds them hilarious. By calling them that, your logline is speaking from one specific character's subjective viewpoint, not the script's objective viewpoint. And it's the script that your log line is supposed to speak for.

I know it sounds persnickety. But one word can make or break an entire idea, give a wrong impression, distract from your intent. It's important to pick and choose your words specifically. A story can be ambiguous, or subjective, or open to interpretation -- but the words you tell it with shouldn't be.

There's repetition in the second half as well. You say "may be his last prank," which implies a life or death situation. And then you immediately follow it by stating concretely that it's a life or death situation. It's redundant. Also, "life or death situation" is a pretty common expression. Imagine how many writers have used those exact words in their log lines. What's another way we can get the same point across?

Here's a take -- understanding, of course, there's no guarantee to its accuracy without having read the script:

A popular DJ, known for his prank phone calls, finds himself the unwitting target of a demented listener intent on exacting lethal revenge for his public humiliation.

Thank you for your feedback. I am really new at this and I will take ALL of the advice, criticism, help and schooling that  I can get.