Same script, but I combined it with another premise and I actually started writing it. So far I have:

A morose women fresh from prison with a child in foster care, undertakes an experimental sleep study to resolve her disturbing nightmares and help her get her child back. When she falls pregnant to a co-participant in the study who disappears without a trace, she is forced to investigate the study’s origins and the organisation who run it - at great risk to herself, her unborn child, and her already failing relationships with her family.

I hate writing loglines and  I’m not sure what words of parts to include - any advice?

I want to include “get her son” back as more of a goal but it feel underwritten here. The word “sleep study” is also not really accurate to the actual thing she does. Let me know if you need me to write out the actual plot summary.

Had a go at this. I'm not exactly clear on what the main thrust of the story is -- I'm thinking a Rosemary's Baby type deal -- but this version focuses on making it sound like a recognizable horror setup:

A troubled ex-con joins an experimental sleep study in the hopes of reuniting with the son she lost to the foster-care system, but sinister revelations about the study lead her to suspect that she and her loved ones are in terrible danger.

Or if you're set on the pregnancy, I'd just lose the son part. Either way, I think the combination of the current son and the unborn child is too complicated for a logline (the story sounds really cool though, by the way). For the logline I'd just focus on getting the horror hook out there in the cleanest possible way, and let people be surprised by the pregnancy etc. when they read.

Definitely going for a Rosemary's Baby vibe - my favourite horror movie of all time (I can't deal with what Polanski did but I can't bring myself to dislike the film). In fact, it's probably one of the best films ever flat out. So many times that I've taken big inspiration from that amazing dream sequence on the boat where she's having drinks with the Kennedies but it descends into marital rape...

Your logline definitely is crisper -- the pregnancy is important because part of the biggest stakes is that she's a pregnant woman whose lost of credibility and trying to convince people of a conspiracy. (again kind of like Rosemary's).

So idk - maybe just specifying "the lost son" without clarifying that he's lost to foster care?

EDIT: If you're really interested, I'll PM you what I've written.

Hey Heretic,

If you're still into the premise, I posted a WIP with the script readable here: https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1658499949/s-0/