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Logline: A young black male college student is falsely accused of having a substantial amount of illegal drugs in his possession causing him to suffer an unwanted consequence that could’ve been easily avoided.
Another screenwriter’s suggestion:
A young black male college student, falsely accused of a crime, suffers an avoidable consequence
Okay, you don't really need 'young' seeing as most college students will be of a certain age. You could even leave out 'male' unless it's essential, but it likely is.
The main thing to me is that 'unwanted consequences' and 'easily avoided' are very benign statements, as is a 'substantial amount' in relation to the drugs e.g., there needs to be more dramatic impact to entice interest.
For example, is your character in a foreign country where the drug laws can attract a death sentence? Was he framed/set up? Did he take the fall to protect someone else?
Now this is just as an example, cause I have no idea what the specific plot is:
While studying in a foreign country a black male college student must fight to prove his innocence when he is unjustly accused of a crime he did not commit and finds himself on death row/ or facing a death penalty.
Now, this is over the top and not likely to be your story, but it has a clear goal, stakes, and urgency inherent.
Someone else’s advice: A young black male college student, falsely accused of a crime, suffers an avoidable consequence This is better but still the 'avoidable consequence' is too static, consequences here could be anything from him losing his scholarship, or being kicked out of college etc., not high stakes unless he needs the scholarship to become a doctor and save his family from a life of poverty
What about: While attending an HBCU, Jamal is framed and betrayed a friend that causes him to get arrested for illegal drugs in his possession and must deal with the consequences of the justice system that takes years to overcome.
When he's wrongfully accused of a drugs-related crime, a black undergrad is forced to fight a corrupt system hell-bent on dishing out the maximum punishment.
When he's wrongfully accused of a drugs-related crime, a black undergrad is forced to fight a corrupt system hell-bent on dishing out the maximum punishment.
When he's wrongfully accused of a drugs-related crime, a black undergrad is forced to fight a corrupt system hell-bent on dishing out the maximum punishment.