Afterwilds: "In a peaceful small town, a moralistic librarian and a red-furred avenger fight against a eugenics-driven government and the coarse construction of a false god."

I'm seeking help to make my logline more cohesive, interesting, and/or ironic. The genre is primarily psychological drama with speculative elements, taking place in an early 2000s setting. I'd appreciate any suggestions/questions that enhance the concept and character motives.
Thank you for your time and assistance!  

Edit: This logline is for an animation set in a unique world with new humanoid species. The challenge lies in making the unfamiliar worldbuilding intriguing without overwhelming the audience.
To elaborate, the story features speculative biology in a world founded without any religion. However, society declines without the balance of science and religion. The narrative explores why society needs both and is set on the precipice of the world's decay, which explains the presence of "eugenics" and a "false god."
Additionally, the characters' unusual appearances are designed to visibly reflect their personalities.
It's a lot to explain, so I need help.

here we go again. Nobody has any clue, what this story is about.

what is a red-furred avenger? it sounds like a cartoon animal.
what does the eugenics driven government want?
how are they constructing a false god?
why are they constructing a false god?
why is the construction coarse, what does that mean?
what will the false god do?
why does the librarian and the other character, want to stop the false god?
what happens, if they dont stop it?

Marty, you may be correct on this one and while I agree we need some elaboration, please be more polite with your tone.

Hey Marty! Thanks for your feedback! This logline is actually intended for animation, so when you said cartoon character, you're not far off. I know my logline isn't perfect, which is why I came here for help. You make a good point about it needing more specificity though.

Quoted from Kamaenly Hey Marty! Thanks for your feedback! This logline is actually intended for animation, so when you said cartoon character, you're not far off. I know my logline isn't perfect, which is why I came here for help. You make a good point about it needing more specificity though.

You could do with explaining the story and characters a bit more. It is all a bit obscure.

Ahoy Kamaenly -- welcome to the boards.

Well it's definitely intriguing, but Libby's right-- the biggest thing I see too is it could benefit from a bit more clarity and focus.

Um, eugenics-- had to look that one up. Personally, I wouldn't include that.  But that's just me.

Red-furred avenger is a bit vague methinks.

Thanks for the animation clarification, which makes sense.

Hope this helps:

"In a peaceful small town, a principled librarian and a mysterious red-furred hero unite to overthrow a eugenics-driven government and dismantle a false god they’ve constructed to control the populace."

Salt to your own taste... or tweek to your own vision. -Andrea

Quoted from Kamaenly Hey Marty! Thanks for your feedback! This logline is actually intended for animation, so when you said cartoon character, you're not far off. I know my logline isn't perfect, which is why I came here for help. You make a good point about it needing more specificity though.

I'm waiting for the answers to my questions. Then we can help.

Quoted from LC You could do with explaining the story and characters a bit more. It is all a bit obscure.

Ya think?

Quoted from ghost and_ghostie gal Ahoy Kamaenly -- welcome to the boards. Well it's definitely intriguing, but Libby's right-- the biggest thing I see too is it could benefit from a bit more clarity and focus. Um, eugenics-- had to look that one up. Personally, I wouldn't include that.  But that's just me. Red-furred avenger is a bit vague methinks. Thanks for the animation clarification, which makes sense. Hope this helps: "In a peaceful small town, a principled librarian and a mysterious red-furred hero unite to overthrow a eugenics-driven government and dismantle a false god they’ve constructed to control the populace." Salt to your own taste... or tweek to your own vision. -Andrea

Hey! Thank you for your kind and helpful response. The eugenics aspect is definitely extreme, so if you have any better alternatives, I'd love to hear them! Or, if it’s best to remove it from the logline altogether, I’m open to that as well.  

Quoted from MartyB Ya think?

Why are you being rude? I know my logline isn't perfect, and that's why I posted it for review. Your attitude is not appreciated.

My understanding of the term 'eugenics' is a way to control the population, right? Lordy I hope so.

Am I saying to take it out, no, I was just saying WE wouldn't have it in there. That's all.

Um, sounds to me like this might be some sort of tyrannical government. That could be a fallback option.

Mind you-- I'm trying to use pretty much what you've written to tweak it. I'll come up with another later on today. -A

Quoted from Kamaenly Afterwilds: "In a peaceful small town, a moralistic librarian and a red-furred avenger fight against a eugenics-driven government and the coarse construction of a false god." I'm seeking help to make my logline more cohesive, interesting, and/or ironic. The genre is primarily psychological drama with speculative elements, taking place in an early 2000s setting. I'd appreciate any suggestions/questions that enhance the concept and character motives. Thank you for your time and assistance!   Edit: This logline is for an animation set in a unique world with new humanoid species. The challenge lies in making the unfamiliar worldbuilding intriguing without overwhelming the audience. To elaborate, the story features speculative biology in a world founded without any religion. However, society declines without the balance of science and religion. The narrative explores why society needs both and is set on the precipice of the world's decay, which explains the presence of "eugenics" and a "false god." Additionally, the characters' unusual appearances are designed to visibly reflect their personalities. It's a lot to explain, so I need help.

Well, that helped a bit, but I have more questions.

Okay, so to start with, who/what is your main character?
Humanoid - so, resembling a human but is it man-made? Robot, android?

Animation like cyberpunk or regular cartoon?

Eugenics is selective breeding so I'm not sure how that fits with something not of this world unless an elite rollout of some intelligent design being?

Where is this set?

Quoted Text Edit: This logline is for an animation set in a unique world with new humanoid species. The challenge lies in making the unfamiliar worldbuilding intriguing without overwhelming the audience. To elaborate, the story features speculative biology in a world founded without any religion. However, society declines without the balance of science and religion. The narrative explores why society needs both and is set on the precipice of the world's decay, which explains the presence of "eugenics" and a "false god." Additionally, the characters' unusual appearances are designed to visibly reflect their personalities. It's a lot to explain, so I need help.

Ok, Kamaenly--

A logline’s job is to sell the story, not tell the story. Just present the basics of the story in abbreviated form, preferably in one sentence, two sentences. It omits character intricacies and subplots. For instance, I'm not expecting a lot of requests for this one:

“When rising temperatures cause widespread drought, a cow struggles to jump over the moon to save the world from global warming.”

It should not be too vague. Don't be coy with your story. What makes it unique?

In your case-- it's unique cos’ it takes place in a world you’ve created with humanoids.

Try to avoid cop-out cliches like: mayhem ensues. Or comedy ensues. Or sparks fly....etc.

Key to every simple logline should include these elements: protagonist, antagonist, goal, stakes, and you’re cooking with gas.

You have the main ingredients;

Protagonist -- the moralistic librarian, of course, with the help of this Red-Ferred avenger.

Antagonist -- a eugenics-driven Government.

Central conflict -- it's there.

The goal -- fight to stop this tyrannical Government...

The stakes -- I'm just assuming -- to prevent a total collapse of society? No?

Do me a favor first... try plugging your information into the following:

(title) is a (genre) about (protagonist--one Guy/Girl, no proper names) who must (goal) or else (disaster that will happen if he/she doesn't succeed)

In the meantime; before I make a second attempt to help craft you a proper longline--based on the updated information you provided-- what I'm really looking for here is to see if I captured the essence of your overall story with this:

"In a world of extraordinary humanoid species, where science and spirituality doesn't coexist, a crumbling society faces its greatest crisis. As eugenics and a fabricated deity emerge to fill the void left by the absence of religion, an unlikely hero must uncover the hidden truth of their civilization’s decline to restore balance and save their world from total collapse."

If it does capture the essence-- I'll go from there. Or is it waaaaaay off base?

-A