So I'm writing up a mystery drama pilot and the main body of plot is kinda ok for my purposes...

...but the episode starts with my low-status private eye on a low status stake-out which goes wrong, and the ideas I have aren't working.

The current set up is:

Private eye parked up in an alley behind a chip shop (take-away grease joint for our non-UK cousins) - the chip shop's refrigerators keep getting switched off mysteriously, and all the meat is ruined overnight (alternatives were - coloured dye added to the oil, animal rights slogans daubed on walls) - police not interested as no thefts and looks like staff carelessness - early hours of the morning the private eye hears noises from inside the shop from a baby monitor set up (gotta be super-low budget) - she goes in and grapples the intruder - lots of damage and mess - owner arrives and recognises the intruder as their (ex?)husband/wife/brother/son/daughter - upset over non-vegan/halal oil/meat products - private eye wants payment but the owner refuses because of the damage (and familial loyalty) - owner threatens to call the police and blame private eye for break-in etc - private eye has to leave without payment...

Basically I need a mildly amusing, low low status private eye job where they end up not getting paid by the contractor because it turns out to be family related. Oh, and no more than 3 pages (tops) in length.

Other ideas were a shop that kept getting broken into but only small stuff taken, and it turns out to be the long-lost brother who's now homeless... or...er...

that's it.

HALPZ?!

I was a private investigator for years. In fact, I owned a P.I. firm that dealt with forensic documentation. Crime scene, weapons, autopsies, etc...

I did a job because a friend’s father died unexpectedly in an overnight van crash while working as a medical courier delivering test samples from hospitals to test labs.

They asked that I do the photography of the autopsy as well as the scene where his vehicle wrecked.

I did so on a contingency to prove it was the vehicle that was at fault (blown tire) and not driver error.

During the autopsy, a spent condom was found deep in his a$$ along with a Barbie doll head inside. The Barbie had lacerated the wall of his anus and the poor blastard bled internally for days until he finally surcame to the bacteria being poured into his body from the bile.

The family decided to let the law suit go and he was buried with honors.

To this day, I still chuckle when the pathologist pulled that Barbie head out and said...

Looks like he died getting head.

True story!

Shawn.....><

I just have to say, before anything else, that anecdote is amazing, Shawn.

As for your conundrum, Marriot, I think I'd need to know your genre. You use "amusing" which leads me to believe this is a comedy (in which case, I cannot help you at all) but I can't be certain. However, if it is meant to be comedy, just come up with the most ridiculous situation you can think of, so long as you can top it in episodes that follow it... =)

Shawn that was freaking funny

Maz let me get over new year's eve and ill think of something buddy... Gotta run to work right now

Mark

Oh. My. God. Ledbetter - Shawn - you rock. Seriously you ROCK. That is an awesome post. What a way to go.

Cheers Mr Blonde, the genre is mystery drama - but quirky, not comedy. I put amusing coz I wanted something 'safe' which would prompt a smile but not a laugh. It's meant to be a modern day, British, urban Magnum P.I.

And forgot to add, divorce cases are used in a couple of backstory expositions, so not a divorce/cheating spouse.

Cheers Mark, have a good day at work dude - maybe the New Year will prompt something (depends on what your tipple is... or at least what percentage...)

(Ooh.. drinking fun - pub owner's alcoholic son is sleep-drinking?)

Something specifically where the PI stakes a place out, catches the 'perp' in the act, overpowers them causing damage, then the perp is revealed as a relative of the person who contracted the PI, the 'crime' is revealed as not as sinister as they thought etc - and the PI gets the blame for the mess and thrown out without getting paid. But in the poor end of town. Sorry for the rambling, all I have is naffness so far...

Happy New Year though everyone!

Shawn, seriously you've just made me laugh out loud at the someones death...I feel quite bad but Jez it was a funny story.