Back into the doldrums of Feburary we dive. The late year avalanche of films competing for an Oscar is behind us, leaving ahead a slate of films that are too poor for studios to release during the course of the year. One of the very first on this docket is "Cocaine Bear."  Somehow, even with the simple premise of a cocaine infused bear on a killer rampage, to have a title like that, sounds like a slam dunk, right - they ended up making an absolute snooze-fest.

Bear with me, but it feels like they just did the bear minimum.

This is one of the films where it depends on your sense of humor and you either like it or find it boring and scary even. I will say, it wasn’t the most logical storyline with memorable characters, I never expected it to be Shakespeare or anything like that - just a solid funny and entertaining nonsensical time. Banks did her best to make a b schlock but the separate stores are all over the place. It's funny. You'd think that since Hollywood runs on cocaine, they'd know how to make a film with characters accurately high off cocaine. These were some of the most annoying human characters I've ever seen on film. I rarely talk during movies, but during this I had to force myself not to scream "Shut the *expletive* up" at the characters inhabiting this movie due to how unbelievably frustrating they were to listen to. The third act was a let down. Lastly it was confused in what it wanted to be.

If they had just gone the slap stick route with better jokes, a little bit of pointless nudity & awkward moments it'd of been a better film overall.  Better yet - they should've just pulled this into a world of total insanity. Have the bear do copious amounts of blow, it gets horribly addicted, starts acting less and less like a bear and more like either a horrible, eldritch monstrosity, or an actual human being approximation. Having it just be "a bear, but it does a bunch of blow" seems funny at first, but loses steam... well, about as fast as the actual Cocaine Bear did in real life.

In all fairness in an era where everything follows a cake recipe, "Cocaine Bear"  doesn't take itself too seriously which is refreshing to see in cinema. I did have a laugh here and there for some of the more ridiculous and over-the-top parts, but overall the movie was boring and stupid and not stupid in a good, funny kind of a way.

Summing up, this is one of those movies that I just don't care enough about to dislike it. I'm indifferent to this one. However, If your date night trip to the movies with your loved or "soon-to-be-loved one" and you enjoy popcorn and Pepsi, rather than caviar and champagne, then this maybe the perfect film to clutch one another...  -A

Nailed it, Ghostie. This movie SUCKED for all the wrong reasons. Should have been dumb fun, instead it's just dumb.  

These types of gimmicky movies have zero appeal for me.

And, I'm pretty sure I just got way more entertainment from Andrea's review than I would if I watched the actual movie.  

This is the kind of movie that, when I was younger, if my date wanted to see this, I’d know instantly we probably didn’t have a lot in common. That’s not to say I wouldn’t go anyway.

Quoted from SAC This is the kind of movie that, when I was younger, if my date wanted to see this, I’d know instantly we probably didn’t have a lot in common. That’s not to say I wouldn’t go anyway.

Quoted from LC And, I'm pretty sure I just got way more entertainment from Andrea's review than I would if I watched the actual movie.

Thank ya kindly.

Quoted Text This is the kind of movie that, when I was younger, if my date wanted to see this, I’d know instantly we probably didn’t have a lot in common. That’s not to say I wouldn’t go anyway.

LMAO.

Eh. I thought it was fun. I'd rather studios fund stupid stuff like this for ~20 million than spending 500 million on the 14th capeshit movie of the decade

SPOILERS

Yeah, it wasn't great, but like Ben I appreciated the type of movie that it was.

I giggled with an audience and got to see Margo Martindale fly out of an ambulance and get her face shredded. That's worth a cheap night ticket for me.

It was definitely inconsistent. The climax in particular was underwhelming, poorly staged, and somewhat of a betrayal of the movie's general ethos. But I dunno. I like bear attack scenes, and I like scenes where children eat cocaine.

This is this generation's Snakes on a Plane. And like that movie, this was pretty bad.

Quoted from Demento This is this generation's Snakes on a Plane. And like that movie, this was pretty bad.

I think you're onto something there.
Nice to see you, Demento.