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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    October, 2019 One Week Challenge  ›  The Frequency of Fear - OWC Moderators: StevenClark
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PKCardinal
Posted: October 17th, 2019, 11:22am Report to Moderator
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Awesome title. Love it.

The sound waves tie back to the title, and are a very interesting element. But, I missed how they tie into the overall story and the final scenes. If you were trying to say that the sound generator messed with his mind and caused his demise, I didn't see it.

Also like the idea that the tornado forces them downstairs, but he knows that's where another threat lies. They say you should put your main character through hell, and you certainly did that.

I, too, found the numerous missing word "the" to be distracting. Not a deal breaker, but a distraction.

Overall, pretty good. If the title and other elements could have been more efficiently wrapped into the story, and Mandy's role more effectively explained, I think it could be really good.


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Dreamscale
Posted: October 17th, 2019, 5:56pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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My last read, which usually means a very, VERY detailed review, but that's not going to be the case here.

I can't even put into words how irritating a read this was.  For some unknown reason, you omitted the word "the" every single time you should have used it.  WHY, WHY, WHY, no one will probably ever know, but please understand you're doing yourself and your script a huge disfavor.  If this wasn't my last read, I would have jumped ship early on.

So many questions as to what the Hell I just read and what you were thinking while conceiving and writing it.

Let's throw a few out...

Whose mansion is this and why did the owner allow 29 and 33 year old kids to hold a Halloween party, including setting up all these elaborate scares?  Doesn't make any sense and is a question that needs to be answered.

How in the world does a tornado just sneak up and destroy the house?  And , please do tell, where is this Tornado Warning Siren coming from?  If they're in a tornado area, it should have been made clear early on.  For instance, I live in AZ and we do not get many tornadoes, but we did have 1 touch down several miles from where I live, but there aren't any warning sirens, because there's such a small chance of threat here.  Without being set up, this is just shoehorned in.

WTF is up with this fire girl, named Mandy?  And why does Tony seem to know her?  It's one of the craziest endings (not in a good way) I've ever read.  Just completely out of left field, and nothing, and I mean nothing, was brought up about this prior to her arrival.

That's about it.  No story here, no rhyme or reason for anything that happened, no characterization, and a WTF ending means this one wasn't for me.

*


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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