There were a couple little typos, but I enjoyed the read.
Nothing to add, no suggestions, just a solid piece of work.
Cindy

Doctor Shopping

"tall back, leather, swivel chair"

why so complicated? Don't lose yourself in such things. You use far too many adjectives in many descriptions.

Another example of bad decription is:

"With ever-increasing pain fighting against his every
movement, Howard manages to take a seat."

Choose words that describe visually.
How? How does he manage to take a seat? How does it shows that his ever-increasing pain fights his every movement?

Otherwise I think I like it. The hypochondriac theme intrigues me somehow.

I liked that it went quicker and better from p7 to the end. Good balanced of you to acclerate in third act. Too often this part lacks and falls off. Not here.

If I understood it right he died in the kitchen and this whole surreal burning-thing happened while he's passing over. Sold his soul I guess.

I enjoyed it, especially from the moment we met Dr Death. Well done

You need periods after "Dr" and "Mr" - for some reason you skip them every time.

Sentences just don't read well, as they're all overwritten with way too many adjectives being employed.  You can just look at Page 1 and see how dense it is.

This opening scene runs to Page 4?  Really?  Too long...way too long.

I don't see any story here.  I don't see any UL here.  I'm out.

I quite liked this, although the ending left me a little flat.

The writing seemed ok to me, with a few typo's here and there, but nowt major. A very good friend of mine suffers very badly from health anxiety (I think this is the correct term for hypochondria these days?), so the dialogue between the Doctor and Howard would be exactly how I would imagine it to be.

A good little story.

Quoted from Dreamscale You need periods after "Dr" and "Mr" - for some reason you skip them every time.

Not when you're from the UK you don't. It is an aesthetic choice as both are grammatically correct.

The logline says hypochondriac, which Howard is not. IF Howard was a hypochondriac then I saw this starting out differently and Howard is not who I imagined. I imagined a healthy guy fearful of every little thing that goes on in his life, kind of like me. Overweight, shaggy beard, and coughing, looks unhealthy so I expect unhealthy. Turns out this is not about Howard being a hupchondriac but Howard being a drug addict and Dr. Williams states as much.

Ok, so I was misled by the logline.

What about it's merits?

I would have left out all references to doctor shopping...to me...that is on the nose...let me understand what is going on without that being said...for instance in the second Dr. office the receptionist says this. However Dr. Williams already said it so we know Howard is doing so. Leaving it unsaid in the second office is better, simply saying the Dr. won't see you and done.

We end up with Dr. Death and what happens to Howard.

He feels no pain as his body comes apart after mishaps.

How can Howard, with his spine paritally exposed, live?

Not for me.

This is an entertaining script, but the writing is better than the story, IMHO.  On film we will see that Howard is a pathetic addict and it won't be funny.  In the script, the writer's skill gives us enough distance from Howard to be quietly amused.  Happy ending though, the writer is so graced with talent that a revised version of this script will be presented in due time.  So say I.

I enjoyed the build up to this but wasn't completely satisfied with where it ended up.  The scenes with Howard meeting different doctors seemed to drag a little but they did set up his character and goal nicely.

I was intrigued by the mention of Dr Death, but when we finally met him he didn't live up to my expectations. The rest was ok. I would've liked to see Howard having a little more fun after he took the pill. Not a bad effort, but nothing too memorable.  

Competently written and constructed Twilight Zone-ish story.
The set up’s a little draggy before getting to the much more interesting but all too brief Dr Death scenes.
The ironic death of Howard could be better constructed as to why and how it was surely going to end that way, as is its convolutions seem rather random while nonetheless entertaining.

Writing style:
Good.

Dialogue:
I liked it a lot. Especially his conversation with the first Doctor. Even that it was exposition, but it didn't bore me. It was well done. I wished his talk with Dr. Death was more enjoyable. I would loved to have death throws in some witty lines.

Character:
They felt very real. Howard addiction gave him depth. I really related to him. Even when he badmouthed the doctor and the nurse, it was natural. The Doctor also felt real. Well done. You, sir/ma'am, can bring characters to life.

Story:
It was intriguing. I was hooked how this tale of addiction and Doctor shopping will end. I wouldn't say the ending disappointed me, I wouldn't say it satisfied me either. It was average. Everything that led to the contract was well done, after that I wished for a more interesting meaning for the contract. Feeling no pain is dangerous yes. Pain is a gift. But I wished for more.

Overall:
This is a well written script. It deserved a better ending.

In regard to Dr Death, I made it obvious intentionally as I wanted to keep it a little tongue in cheek. I may change that, as it is a very serious subject matter that I am highlighting in this story, albeit not very well with this draft.

I do agree about the end. I was running out of time, the page count was rising and I needed an ending. So I stuck one on then used the remaining hours editing down what I had, managing to cut two pages, which would have given me room for an alternate ending, but I still didn't have time to write one. I started writing it on the Wednesday after reading that we didn't have to reserve an urban legend before entering.

I want to do so much more with this story. Maybe even rewrite the concept altogether when I get some time and a non-restrictive page count.

Cheers.

Quoted from DustinBowcot In regard to Dr Death, I made it obvious intentionally as I wanted to keep it a little tongue in cheek. I may change that, as it is a very serious subject matter that I am highlighting in this story, albeit not very well with this draft. I do agree about the end. I was running out of time, the page count was rising and I needed an ending. So I stuck one on then used the remaining hours editing down what I had, managing to cut two pages, which would have given me room for an alternate ending, but I still didn't have time to write one. I started writing it on the Wednesday after reading that we didn't have to reserve an urban legend before entering. I want to do so much more with this story. Maybe even rewrite the concept altogether when I get some time and a non-restrictive page count. Cheers.

It would be a great theme. Here in the USA - NFL players are suspended for weed but NFL Doctors have no problem filling them up with opiate based pain killers. Phama companies bribe Doctors to increase the number of prescriptions they issue and our drug stores are allowed to sell personal prescription  information to Pharma companies. All in all it's a train wreck and I do think it would be a great concept for a script. I would like to see a story that starts with someone who is otherwise a health nut (e.g., a soccer player, boxer or something) who slowly gets into the painkillers through his coaches and team physicians and when he (or she) is no longer needed because they can't play anymore - they spend their retirement as a drug addict shopping from Doctor to Doctor. Anyway - there is a story that needs to be told here.