Quoted from lesleyjl21, posted March 22nd, 2004, 5:26pm at here And you, my friend, are a beautiful poetic mess of youth intertwined with superb intelligence and self gratification in your unique musings.

Hahaha that's the greatest description of Jordan I've ever heard.  If you just added something about 'tall and athletic' it would be perfect.  Pretty good considering you've never met him.

And thanks for the VERY kind comments on my poem Lesley.  Nice to hear.

Thanks Lesley and everyone for those great lines. This has become a terrific tread for poetry. Keep it up

And you, my friend, are a beautiful poetic mess of youth intertwined with superb intelligence and self gratification in your unique musings.


i have to admit.....it sounds sooo nice....thank you!!


this has become a pretty sweet thread i think

For definite.  It's quickly becoming my favorite area.

All boards and script talks aside, it's a personal exhilaration to see how in depth psyches can go when people allow themselves not just to conform to the traditional format of screenwriting.

But then maybe I say that to boost my own morale because I wanted a higher grade on my portfolio short I turned last week in to class (wasn't a good draft to begin with).  I got a "B" and an "I'm sorry Lesley, I can't help you any further if you wish to discuss this one on one because you've gone against what this entire class was about, which is narrative storytelling.  Your experimental ways are beyond my realm of capability because that's you inside your own head."

Sheesh... thanks.

(goes off to hang head and mope eleven weeks down the drain.)

You should of said "Thank you" and seem all satisfied. Like that is exactly what you wanted. I have been doing that a lot in all my classes and the greatest thing, they still give me A's because they know I will bitch them out if they don't give me a good grade. I am the arguer who will have 100% in the class but a B+ on something will piss me off. Don't listen to this puppets of society they are useless and the only reason they are teaching is because they have no talent in the first place to be creative enough to have their own successful career. They can go to hell. I feel you all the way. Take it easy.

By the way. Nothing is a waste if it made you feel good. Grades are superficial and nothing but a little graded by a uneducated hypocrite (this is coming from an all A's student so I am not failing). If your poetry style you enjoy do not change it. PERIOD, STAY THE WAY YOU ARE. Just keep writing but don't fail your class of course just munipulate the system to get a good grade like I do.

some of the best achievers in the world didn't get A's all the time...

i get really sick of the education board thinking they're educating us in things that will prove relevant sometime in our future....because most of it is simply redundant.  if teachers didn't get paid, it might be a different story...that is, they did it willingly, is what i mean. 

too much bureaucracy and 'mind' control...

they learn from the hand book '1984.'

Elrond, man, thanks for the encouraging words.  I think it was just disappointment in my gross mismanagement of time.  Maybe I should be up and running 24/7 instead of 20/6....  I just had too much other stuff going I thought took priority over my writing (which is what my concentration was in the first place, my main motivation for going to school) and in the end there I was Thursday at 2 a.m. falling asleep at the computer trying to revise a first draft that turned out to be a crappy second draft.

Who needs sleep anyway, right?  But then I'm told this could be misconstrued for a life crisis, so there you go.

Anyway, I'm getting off topic.  Poetry forum, no?  I see Don's really gotten in threads on all the forms.  I'd forgotten about quatrains.   

1984....ah yes...

try Alduous Huxley's 'Brave New World' for a similar theme...

You guys might think this is kind of mushy, but I wrote it for my boyfriend of 5 years. He had a light in his eyes that was blinding to me - magical. He said he was probably high! Go figure. Well, here it is:

MY BELOVED

What a light seen glistening in your eyes...
It's the light of the divine that I see.
A place where Heavenly angels have awakened,
Azure oceans - shallow unto thee.

Oh, dearest one, my only love,
hearing the sound of your name
brings a rhythm of love.

My spirit is light - soaring high above,
Lifted gently by the wings of you - My Beloved.

Your mystical hues boldly mask Autumn's bloom.
Enfusing - encapsulating me with the crimsonest of reds.
My heart  (an overflowing fountain)
My soul ( you have fed).

A new moon shines brightly from above.
Still waters double the joy of a celestial love.
In passion - mortal heat warms the blood.
Encircled in the arms of you - My Beloved. 

Cindy

I liked it. It was very well done. I don't think the thee and other old time words are needed it stands for itself without those. But do as you please. Good Work!

i think it was good....thees, thous, and such add a certain creative liberty that when used right can increase the emotion you feed into your work

To me the thee and thous is crappy and it distracts me. I can't read it when it has this talk when used nowadays makes you seem like you trying to reach to older style poetry but you can't. It seems forced, childish and ill in thought.

mhmmm
to each his own

here's another....

the waxing of immortal brilliance
a second sun that meets the dawns approach
star shrouded shafts of white in millions
defiant thee the orbs domain encroach
what fearful wail that pierce mine hearts defense?
clarified in the shrieks of rancorous flame
where passions celibacy therefore sent
'gainst mine own will towards which the goddess named
the thorn of ardour endured till Time's end
and i the moth of this gossamer flight
defelcted from this luminary blend
by misery of corporeal sight
blessed adoration of my seraph bound
below, the atavistic lover found