The Pearl Earring by John Stone - Series, Thriller, Edgy TV Drama - An undercover police operation into drug handling is blown when DC Kiki Carruthers loses a vital piece of equipment.  63 pages

Treatment - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Awesome story. The only thing I didn’t like was the ending in that, well, the story ended. I was fully absorbed. You literally left me wanting more. That is textbook story telling. Well done.

I didn’t see any typos. The only possible problem was near the bottom of page 18. In a dialog line spoken by Kris, he says, “What the fuck was doing with that?” It doesn’t read right. On the other hand, that could be the way he talks.

John, I gave this a read (due in no small part to D. A.’s review above). I agree, it is a very compelling and well-written story. I have no trouble seeing this as a premier episode of a series. I did have some trouble, being American, in deciphering some of the British phrases and also identifying the character titles (DI, DC, etc.) although I’m sure they would be familiar to a British audience. Unlike D. A., I did find a couple typos (fare instead of fair, Caio instead of Ciao) but those are easily corrected with a quick polish. Overall, this is great work and has the heart and soul of a detective type thriller. Excellent work and thanks for sharing here!  

Hey thanks man.

Appreciate you taking the time to read through my script.

And thanks for picking up those typos. I will correct them, and I look forward to reading some of your work.

This reads much better.  

I like that Kiki has more back story. Her flashback was quite powerful.

I love the way you worded the ending, “…lies muddied, bloodied and dead.”  It has a ring with a sardonic sting that made me smile.

I noticed that you are numbering the order of the Kiki episodes. While the order is obvious with regards to the trilogy of The Pearl Earring, The Bigger the Storm and Before She Died, I was wondering if The Blue Room (my favorite by the way) was in front of these or after.


I’m not sure if these are typos but they didn't read right to me.

On the top of page 15 in DI Pearson’s dialog, “… and as your acquainted…”.  I think you meant, “…and as you’re acquainted...”.

On page 28, the first line of action text reads, “She shakes her head definitely. ”  I think you meant “defiantly.”

On page 33, In the middle of a block of dialog spoken by DCI Must it reads, “…it involves and undercover operation…”. I think you meant “an undercover operation…”.

At the bottom of page 41, Kiki says, “I doubt it. He was hardly ever at the there.”  I think it would read better as, “I doubt it. He was hardly ever there.”

Well picked up Michael. My right eye has developed a floater. Can’t always spot those misspells, typos. Even with spellchecker they somehow sneak into a script. I find this really annoying especially as this screenplay is being considered at the BBC Writers Programming. So annoying but I’m happy you enjoyed the script. Oh, and the Blue Room? Watch this space.