The Mystery of Simply Scripts by Andrew Roby - Short, Thriller - Don has been murdered and the murderer is on the loose. It is up for the two heroic men, Andrew Romance and Bert, to save the day and stop all the evil. Featuring over 10 people from the Simply Scripts gang. With a twist you will never forget. - html, format

It was funny, yes, but thetr were a few things I didn't understand.
-Why didn't they  like Andy? Why did they dump her with Alan?
Okay, that's it. And you're right. There was a twist ending. A good twist. But the thing is, this is exactly like all the other Smiplycript gang scripts. Simplynoir, Smiplyscripts vs Giant Monster. And that western with HElio in it. But the thing that sets this apart is the ending. I honestly didn't see it coming, which  is a good thing for a comedy. But it follows the same formula again-Don dies, Wesley  and others try to find out who did it. It's kinda repedtive.

I tried my best to make is stand out from the others. Thanks for taking your time and reading it.

I will answer all questions (including yours) once everyone had a look at it. Maybe even someone else will answer it.  


Andrew

Don't get me worng-It was still good, it made me laugh. So it succeeded.

Out of 10 stars I would give this 8. I took of two stars because it does fallow the same path of the other simplyscript movies. Anyway, this was pretty good. It was an easy read and over all pretty funny.

Good writing!

As I'm starting to read, I think I know who wrote Triplut...Andrew, really need to change that title tag in your html files...

I don't know where that came from. Haha. But that is not the title tag i gave it.

Quoted from -Ben- But the thing is, this is exactly like all the other Smiplycript gang scripts. Simplynoir, Smiplyscripts vs Giant Monster. But it follows the same formula again-Don dies, Wesley  and others try to find out who did it. It's kinda repedtive.

I find that kind of odd since SS vs. GM didn't follow that formula at all, and I didn't think That Time I Saved The World did either.


I read it, and I laughed a few times, so I'd say Mission Accomplished Andrew, since that's the whole basis of these scripts anyway.

Good Job

Well, I read it.

Sorry, Andrew, but it just wasn't all that funny to me. I found some stuff that was amusing, but it just felt forced. Some of the jokes were just random with no setup (such as the E.T. thing), so only if I were 'in' would I get it. Naturally I got the 'I like cheese' thing you had me do, but it came out of no where and disappeared into the same place...kind of like my character did. Bert said inferno clearly referring to the 'in' joke that was referenced a few times here and there, but again, it wasn't funny because it had no setup. I also suspect Topher's final line was another 'in' joke since it had no setup as well. It did have a twist, but it really fell flat for me.

Sorry, but with all the incredible spoofs we've had around here lately, this one came no where close to the quality of them. As a standalone, it wasn't that great either. It felt like a random set of tableaus created for the sole purpose of reminding a select set of people OF jokes as opposed to creating its own humor. What has made the other scripts work is seeing how we think our co-horts around here would function in a given humorous situation. The jokes are simply a by-product of the drama.

Perhaps a rewrite is in order.

I found the script funny and amusing at some points, but I did found it fun to read. I agree with George Willson, the twist ending fell flat.

My character didn't have any lines, but I was mentioned

Jack Black was too cool in this. The turning into King Kong was a little random though. Andy got a pretty bad rap in this. I don't understand why no one liked her aside from her having a vomit covered t-shirt.

Otherwise, this was a good read. The ending was cool and set it apart from the other SS scripts. Good stuff.

Hehe

I read this and I did laugh a few times I gotta be honest..

Yeah maybe this script needs developing more with some stuff George has pointed out but I reckon this script was written really fast as a last minute thing..

It reads at a really fast pace, amazing to create a rapid tempo like that, cor, had me spinning..

The story was okay and we all know the characters and I reckon in the spirit of in jokes this script did capture some funny moments about the characters on SimplyScripts..

Like George said, with anoher re-write, make it a little less rapid, slow it down a tad, this could be really good..

I expect this was written for a laugh and that's how I read it with that in mind so me thinks it works on that level..

Like I said, pretty good for a larf..

Kevan

I really enjoyed this and not just for the fact that I was in it. It was entertaining and had me laughing. The only obvious and major problem has already been mentioned before, your pacing could use some work, everything seemed rushed.

Good job

-Zavier  

I know this was written for a laugh, and I can appreciate that, but when you look at some of the other spoofs we have, they did more with the material than just the laughs.

With SimplyNoir, some of the situations are relatively funny whether you know the people or not. They are made funnier when you see who is being hit and that inside humor is being layered on top of what's already there.

I sent Andrew my comments when I was one of the first people to read it even before it was here... Ha

I did say he should flesh it out a bit but as it is I thought it was pretty readable and has some value as one of the originals.

We're just getting the hang of what goes on with this "fun" concept so give him and others a chance to let it sink in. Trust me, in time Simply Noir will look like A Uwe Boll film compared to what you guys do with this idea in the future.

Infant stages people, that's the key.

"That's gonna take too long. Their
are hundreds and hundreds man. But
i know a good place where we can
start at piglet."
YES!

"HIGGONAITOR
Jack Black does not have moves like
me."
If andrew wrote it, it must be true!

Anyway, yeah, this was okay.  I think it would have been more funny if posted earlier, because as said before, most of the jokes have been told in Previous SS scripts.  So, A for effort Andrew.  B for humor.  A for piglet.

I had a problem. The turning into King Kong thing was corny. And my character wasn't even mentioned.

Quoted Text And my character wasn't even mentioned.

Riiiiiiight......

Quoted from Old Time Wesley Trust me, in time Simply Noir will look like A Uwe Boll film compared to what you guys do with this idea in the future.

Now I know this looked like a shameless plug, but geez, you didn't have to go there...  

Quoted from George Willson I know this was written for a laugh, and I can appreciate that, but when you look at some of the other spoofs we have, they did more with the material than just the laughs. With SimplyNoir, some of the situations are relatively funny whether you know the people or not. They are made funnier when you see who is being hit and that inside humor is being layered on top of what's already there.

I reckon you've created a bit of a monster with 'Simply Noir', partly because the script is very good in itself as a good example of a well structured story, plot, characters, dialogue and formatting in a screenplay. The very fact you have achieved this and set the bar very high with your efforts means others on these boards, it appears, want to emulate your achievements..

You should be very proud that a lot of the younger members of SimplyScripts have been inspired by your talent. Each one of them can see you are very talented, and the other guy who co-wrote ‘Simply Noir’ with you. This is testament to how good it is that you guys have a following of acolytes who simply want to write with the same attention to the craft as you guys do..

Problem is, the writers make the same mistakes because when they write screenplays they concentrate on the story, with little attention to plot, characters based upon what they think they know rather something with more depth and their dialogue tends to be pulled directly from conversations culled from these boards rarther than central to the actual plot.

But, and this is a big but, these writers have been influenced by you George, they respect you so much, you have become a mentor to them.

Your problem is how best to use this gift.. Personally, I suggest you offer screenwriting classes on these boards to best illustrate the correct craft of writing a spec screenplay.. Maybe a George Willson Spec Script Secrets thread where other members of this board can visit and discuss these issues of the craft itself..

The fact that the younger writers are emulating ‘Simply Noir’ is quite amazing in itself but they haven’t assimilated the overall craft so this is where you come in George because you are more than capable of helping these guys because you obviously have these skills..

Rather than set up writing competitions where everybody makes the same mistakes over and over again, the ‘Spec Script classes’ would at least go towards acting as a guide in solving a lot of basic issues in their writing.

So, you must take some of the responsibility here George, these guys are your acolytes who are very much influenced by your success and they like to show their hero that they are able to replicate what you do too..

Hehe..  A bit of a Frankenstein…

Golden opportunity here George, me thinks..

Hey, could lead to you writing your own book on writing the spec screenplay and at the same time providing classes on these boards..

You're a 'mentor', man.. Hehe.. In your own screenplay nightmare...

I'm serious, I think in time you, Bert, Andrew and once mine comes out we'll all learn and move ahead with a better idea of what to do and what people want.

All I ever wished was that I could live a little longer, my death seemed like Andrew just got sick of the character and killed him off or he was trying to do more with him and couldn't so he killed him quickly.

Quoted from Kevan George...has...a big but...

Hey Andrew.  I am away from the computer this weekend, just got a couple of seconds now.  Can't wait to read this.

Well, Bert, I'm glad my oversized posterior is so interesting to you...  

Of course, this is made all the more disturbing when you consider that a recent revelation places him as the author of Paramour's...

jeez. Was it really that bad?

It was okay, except u tried to put alot of jokes in it. But the doggelbe one was hilarious

Well anyone else gonna review it or does anyone have more things i can improve on in the future overall. I would always like to improve on something on every script.

And if you think i haven't improved at all then take a look at my first script.
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-horror/m-1082321854/

Andrew

I took another look at this script to see if I could offer you something..

After reading it again I thought to myself the problem with why it reads so rapid is the lack of action, for the first half to 3 quarters of your script the story is told through dialogue. And although this in itself isn’t a problem, the fact that any action is extremely brief forces the story to take on a really fast pace when one reads the characters dialogue.

I noticed you started to expand at around a third the way through and there was more text in your scene descriptions and your action this  slowed the pace down some and gave the peice more dymanics..

Personally I don’t see a problem with the dialogue and jokes you used, maybe you could construct a story and have the characters dialogue be directly related to the story and plot and at the same time slot in the occasional quote or two in these character’s dialogue so this then makes references as in-jokes to the intended readership..

Alternatively, just write a good little story with a plot and characters which do not make references to people on SimplyScripts then do a re-write of that script and insert the members from these boards into your script and have them speak as they do on these boards. Once you have your story with plot and characters you may discover you have a structure you can then play around wth, at this point you can then play around with the script and make in-jokes from what people say on these boards..

Personally, and this is my opinion, I reckon this is how ‘Simply Noir’ came about. The guys had a decent little story with characters and a plot and an ending then played around with it and made their characters reflect some of the members from SimplyScripts. Once they did that it probably took on a life of it’s own and developed into that great script we’ve all read icluding some specific things people say and how they talk etc...

You don’t have any problem with dialogue or telling a story, Andrew, maybe just bulk it out a tad with better scene descriptions and photograpable action – make it more filmic.. Everything else will just follow that..

Hope this helps any? Just a few thoughts..

wow wow wow
thanks a lot kevan.
that really helps.
I'll make sure to refer back to your post and all.
really thank you

I'm being type-cast in these.  Oh well.  Still a fun read.

Quoted from bert Hey Andrew.  I am away from the computer this weekend, at a lesbian convention.  Can't wait to read this. Yours truly, Bert - Author of Paramour's aka Assume the Position

Tee Hee Hee

I didn't mean the type-casting thing as a complaint.  This is really good, and I like it

Haha. I was waiting for someone to catch that. Good work.
What did you think of the script overall?

Quoted from Old Time Wesley Trust me, in time Simply Noir will look like A Uwe Boll film...

I am with George here...I am sure you don't mean this as a slam, but I think I take exception with this statement just the same....

Andrew, looks like you've been taking some hits on this one.  I don't think it is all that bad, considering how quick you wrote it, but at the same time, it does feel a bit rushed.

And I really have to question your strategy of saying, "If you think this one was bad...check this one out!"  But anyway, on with the:

[SPOILERS]

*  Ah, I left a tip and a wink.  So you were paying attention.
*  I like having George as a contract killer.  Heck, I'd hire him.
*  Oh boy, you might have to answer to Andy on this one...
*  Sh*t...I thought I was going to be the hero.  Oh well, at least it looks like I took a few people out with me.
*  I got the last line, and I loved it.  If you actually meant to imply some sly commentary regarding all of us here at S.S., I think this is the best joke in the whole darn script.  Very funny.

So this wasn't the best of these, but I liked it just fine, even if parts were a tad random.  But getting back to the "rushed" thing -- past history shows how eager you are to get your new stuff out -- submitting within hours of typing your final fade.

You are clever, no doubt about it, but you need to get a handle on your enthusiasm.  If you set your completed works aside for a little while -- then return to them and revise accordingly -- I would think you couldn't help but improve.

Try it with your next piece and see if you don't agree.

Thanks a lot for checking it out Bert and i am glad you enjoyed it. I agree with you on how eager i am. I am so focused on how it will and i want it done a.s.a.p. The script i have in the works now (crossing the frame) is almost done but not everything is done. I have 30 pages written but it's just the basic storyline. I still need to take things out, add sub plots and violence, drama and what not. So i have basicly a 30 page extended plot which i need to expand to a script. When i finish it i will check it everyday for a week or two and make sure everything is top notch. I really want this script to do good.

The main reason for this (TMOSS) is to entertain. The storyline was important but i was more focused on the bogus situations and what not. So i'll say i succeeded and failed. 50/50

Again thank you for taking your time and i'm not doing a rewrite but another SS story with more effort and i won't rush it. I just don't think everyone will reread this even if i make it better.


Andrew

Is it just me, or has #747 appeared in The Mystery Of Simply Scripts and SimplyNoir, even more, they are both at the ending!

Wow, when I rewrite it I can use these scripts as a marketing tool!

#747 didn't appear in SS vs. GM, however, you did, and you were spectacular.

Please send check or money order to:

Mike Shelton
123 Fake St.
Takeaguess, IL US

You're welcome.

Quoted from bert *  Oh boy, you might have to answer to Andy on this one...

Uh-oh... I will read this as soon as I can... a bit scared now.... sheesh...  

xxx

oh boy. should i run now or later?

Quoted from Antemasque oh boy. should i run now or later?

OMG. There I was thinking you were going to reassure me and now I get the feeling that I'm in for some grilling..... no more love for doctor Jones then, huh?  

I'll take it with a pinch of salt, lol...

Funny little script. This outsider go the jokes! All the gripes have been posted before me so I won't bore you.
Seriously somebody needs to write there own version of 747.

I like your script Andrew it was a very good reading.

I have just a comment about my participation in it: the graft where I appear reminded me the old years when I was child and my dear father was a manager of a B- movies theater.  Sometimes, he grafted to a movie a different scene of other movie  in order to complete the lost scene ( scratched by the film projector ) and its length – as if you was very attentive seen a thriller and suddenly, entered part of a Western movies!

Very fanny!

Oh, Andy. I'm sure you will get a laugh from what i did to your character. I mean who didn't laugh at Andy at least ONCE in this script? Huh? Huh?

i'm incapable of laughter of any sort. JK JK. I got a laugh out of the goonies refrerences although already mentioned in mystery of simply' Your probably getting enough of that. There's only so much you can do with these simply scripters scripts, I'm not blaming you for emulating what they did entirely. The things that you can poke fun of in people are usually the most obvious.

Nice and funny but i detected that a certain character was missing...looks around....hmmmm.

Quoted from the goose Nice and funny but i detected that a certain character was missing...looks around....hmmmm.

That certain character is not missing from "That Time I saved the World", as well as Andy...

Desperate?  No, just, um ... yeah, desperate.

I've not forgotten hon, I just want to read all the western stuff first and then get to these after.

Andy xx

Cool Andy, thts good to know.  I hope you enjoy them.  Yor reading mine, Mikes, and Andrews?  I'll be um...curious...as to what you think of Andrews.

Please delete my name and likeness -- and the reference to my series -- from this script.  Thank you.

Quoted from Higgonaitor Cool Andy, thts good to know.  I hope you enjoy them.  Yor reading mine, Mikes, and Andrews?  I'll be um...curious...as to what you think of Andrews.

Yup, gonna make sure I read all of them! Also, I'm not really bothered if I have the mickey taken out of me. I know it's all in good fun and won't be sending in the mafia to hunt you all down...... not yet, lol, hee hee.

The Godmother  

haha. So you know Andy. All of this was a joke and no hard feelings if you take something offensive. (Though you shouldn't i just never know)

I liked the ending and the whole Jack Black Higgonaitor deal. Andy copped a bit, but I'm sure she can take it. However, I was surprised our friend Heretic didn't bob up.
All in all it was a pretty good effort. Oh by the way, Higgonaitor looks like Jack Black because he actually is JB. I think it's time you came clean buddy.  

aaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You do man. hahaha.

Ya big Goonie hater, Andrew!!!!!!!!!!!! ((Pokes tongue at you ))

Oh my God, Bert told me to shut-up...not once, but so far...twice.... I'm flabbergasted at the very thought of this........lol - BERT - Ya big Andy hater!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, ok, ok so what really is the Inferno?!!!!!!  

OMG - Freak turned me down too?????????? Oh the shame of my online rejection.

Eeeeeeeeeeeewe about the puke on my shirt, gross  

Am I the only one who thinks Jack Black is HOT???? Well, I think he is.... So... how you doin', Higgs?  

Hey Andrew, I really enjoyed this. Very good story you have here and I liked the way JB was brought into it. Sorry for the late read, but I had it on my PC for ages and was able to finally get around to it. I enjoyed the inside jokes, although the Inferno gag is still lost on me...

Really a fun read hon,

Love, Andy xxxx

Quoted from Andy Petrou Am I the only one who thinks Jack Black is HOT???? Well, I think he is.... So... how you doin', Higgs?

Darn, to bad I look nothing like Jack Black, or else Andy would think I was hot.  Oh well; There's always my quick wit.

haha. i'm glad you enjoyed it Andy. It's a lot of fun to make fun of you. hahahaha. and i love the goonies.