At the end of a family barbecue by Helio J Cordeiro - Short, Drama - To be or not to be eaten that's the question.     A July, 2006 One Week Writing Challenge Entry - pdf, format

Ok, this one was definitely a different take on it.  I'm guessing that this is one of our foreign friends, or someone who wrote this entirely too fast.

The story itself was good, humorous to a point, but not over the top.

Overall a good effort.

Good effort here.  Interesting take on the entire concept which is always good.  The grammar isn't that spiffy which makes me think that one of our foreign writers with less than perfect English wrote it...or it was just rushed, whichever.

Overall, the creativity was there.  It's nice to see different takes of all kinds on this.  SO, good job!

another funny one.  Talking Hamburgers....HA

Not really much to say here, but it made me smile a few times and there was some funny dialog

This was an odd, short script, but hey, from the ones I've read so far, all of them are odd in their own little way. This one, as other people said, seemed rush and it seemed like you did this in a few minutes (or maybe an hour, maybe) just before the deadline.

Oh well, it was still funny and good.

Sean

I liked the different take on the OWC.

You managed to create some drama here in just 2 pages. That's good!

This quirky little short with a twist at the end makes me think this was written by the same guy who drank a 30oz Morrito at the Simply BBQ.

Haha! "Those idiot humans" ha!

Yeah, this one has "Helio" written all over it. I'd be surprised if it isn't yours, my friend.

And yes, it felt a little bit rushed, like the author could have milked the concept a bit better, given he had more time.

This was a cute little script.   Whoever wrote this thinks outside the box, and is very creative.
I've been guessing at some of the other scripts, so I think this one is from helio.  

Good effort
Cindy

Okay, I too am thinking Helio. For one, the grammar suggests someone for whom English is a second language. Two, it’s very short. And three, its title is the theme. With Helio’s last entry for the shoot me deal, his script was one page and the title was the same as the theme. Oh and four, Helio is whacked -- haha! And so is this script.

Somebody had trouble coming up with an idea for this challenge. I don’t blame you. I thought the theme was just boring and uninspiring. I can really see the difficulty in finding inspiration in every script I’ve read so far.

This one is okay. I’ve only read I think four scripts from this so far but I doubt if any are going to really stand out as inspired. The theme just doesn’t really evoke a lot of inspiration.

I guess I have to admit I did chuckle a bit as read this one but it doesn't appear as though alot of thought went into it.  

I haven't read too many of these yet but so far most of them have played out as comedies.  It sort of defeats the purpose of this exercise to change the established criteria like that.

Oh, for Pete's sake -- is there any doubt who is behind this one?

A quick read -- goofball dialogue laced with the requisite obscenities -- but at least everyone ends up happy, yes?

I'm kinda' with Brea in terms of the theme this time around -- I don't intend to bust anybody for straying too far afield -- but this one is whacked.

However, given the mind behind this tale of two burgers -- I'll just take it at face value and let the author know that I smiled a bit at this one.  Not the author's best work, but good enough.

I agree with you Bert. I'm sorry to the author of this piece, but I have to say one truth, he has a screw loose! Oh my!

So talking hamburgers who would rather be leftovers than fed to the dog. Interesting and yet completely bizarre. Then again, if you're a hamburger, what do you have to look forward to? You go from a cow's ass to someone's mouth. I digress.

As for this bit of gold from our 1 1/2 line spacing friend, I thought it was simple and decent. An original take on the barbecue theme, so kudos for that. Can't complain much about the two pages of work except the weird dialogue. Nice effort.

This was different...very different and you definitely get points for originality but this one falls short in the drama department. Which honestly doesn’t really bother me. Not really that much else to say. Three pages (well two, not counting the title page) kind of leaves the reviewer looking for stuff to say, so I’ll just finish by saying good job.  

-Zavier

Well well well... this was pretty fun. I'm guessing it didn't take long at all to write but it was funny to some extent. I still enjoyed it. 2 pages of hamburger talk is pretty entertaining. I'm just glad it wasn't too long or else the joke might've burned out with the barbeque...

I'm definitely thinking this one is Helio... but I'm rarely correct at guessing...

Still, a funny little episode that doesn't really fit in with drama but the theme is fine so it's all good! Nice one.

GBM

i found nothing dramatic in this script. if it's Helio's work (and probably it is, like anothers say) i must say that he had olways strange stories but much better stories that that one. Helio, congratuletion for your script which was optioned and keep produce strange stories.

Hey, thanks to all of you guys for reading this little metaphor effort of mine.

I know it was very hard you know who wrote it, I'm sorry about that, fellas. I'm sorry George Willson if SS's members confounded it as a George Willson writing.

Just as well it wasn't a challenge entitled At the end of a Indian family barbecue! It wouldn't be impossible!

This one was a little weird. It reminded me a little of GBM's but is even weirder since his had human characters. The talking hamburgers were way out of left field. Amusing but, still, very bizzare. Nevertheless, I don't think there's much harm in calling this a drama. It's humorous but I think it's safe to say that the hamburgers' plight is dramatic (to them, anyway). And you had your little moral at the end as well. Sometimes life doesn't turn out the way you want it to. I liked that and it definitely gave the story a dramatic flare, even with talking hamburgers.

Don't know what to think of this one, exactly. Not sure if I liked it or didn't like it. I'm on the fence. In any case, the story certainly stands out and I'd say that's a good thing. Good job with that, Helio.

Hi James

Thanks for your comments. I’m glad to know you were just one to mention the metaphor in the script, maybe the others noticed it but didn’t mention about.

I don’t know if I achieved a satisfactory result using two hamburgers to be the messengers. I’m not sure if I choose other type of instruments to say that, like humans for example I did succeed. I think the hamburgers were good doing this type of job, weren’t they? Another thing was about didn’t extend more the script. Sometimes my scripts finish so soon because I’m afraid if I continue writing it becomes boring and unneeded, do you know what I mean? So, thanks again for the reading!

Helio, mon ami, I knew it was yours. What a nice story, looking a bit like a commercial from the 50's. Very good attempt to be original.

Michel

PS: what is "chit"? (LOL)

Merci, Michel!

Yeah...well...think with me mon ami, "dog chit" is better than "dog xit", but certainly both of them are worth than "dog shit", aren't they?

{)