This has some funny parts. It’s a little too much like a Penthouse forum letter for me -- haha.

The single moms slur - it threw me off a bit. I had no idea there was such a stereotype. I’ve never heard anything about single moms being promiscuous. If it is a stereotype it’s not a well known one, which diminishes its intended effect. Also, the fact that it’s not true diminishes the effect. And it is misogynistic but I can separate the character from the author. At least I hope that’s not the author’s personal view. Do men really think this?

Had Santa made a crack about Martha personally instead of all single moms, I would have paid no mind to it whatsoever. As it is, it’s kind of a hang-up.

Cro-Magnon grunt -- It’s funny but we wouldn’t hear the “Cro-Magnon” reference in the actual short.

I thought some of the little rhymes were cute - With a twinkle of his nose he rose, then in a second he froze… -- haha. The problem is that they were sporadic and we wouldn’t see or hear them while watching the film.

I think it would be improved with a narrator to tell the story in rhyme - that way you can tell the rhymes and they won’t get lost in translation to screen.

It’s sometimes cute, sometimes crass, sometimes funny. I don’t think it ever achieved all three at once and that’s part of what makes it so uneven. It’s got potential but then I’m not quite sure what it’s got potential for. Like I said, it might get published in Penthouse or something.

Now I have to go take a shower. I feel dirty! -- haha

Breanne -- Thank you for a great review. I alway respect the best writers on this forum who deliver reviews that are constructive and help me to grow as a writer.

You said something I really agree with. Using a narrator was a thought and I should have done that for some of my rhymes. Maybe if I ever rewrite this one.

All the descriptions that are laced with these little rhymes are nothing more than fun for the reader.  Yes, I know they are not needed.

This entire story was to have fun. It was not to offend. As writers we have that license. The single mom thing. Well, I needed a child to set it up and i needed a woman to fullfil the script. Couldn't be a married mom, so it had to be a single mom. And that is how I got to the single mom in the story.

Anyway, thank you for reading my scripts and I hope you will continue to read and enjoy.

Spencer

This script was funny but a bit uncomfortable to see santa depicted like that. Someone said it was immature but the script is as immature as the ones who read it. Come on you knew what was coming when you selected it.

It was Enjoyable for what is was worth.

spencerforhire, I mean no offense to you, but this is one awful script.

The premise is weak, almost suitable for a porno.  As far as comedy goes, there's no real setup, no punchline, it is simply about finding sexual gratification.  The dildo is tasteless.

The one charming bit of the script is the narration, the rhyming, which the audience will never hear.  I would suggest introducing a narrator, as others have suggested.

While this script wasn't the best piece of literature I've ever laid my eyes on, it was a funny, silly little piece, and I believe the author intended for it to be that way. Just a joke, and I don't believe he intended to offend anyone by it.

Phil thought it was bad and immature and I think he is absolutely entitled to his opinion, and I really don't think his comments were malice and intentionally hurtful, they were just blunt and on the nose...but that's Phil!

Maybe if the words ( abit vulgar ), quoting "Bert", were included in the synopsis, it would've prepared the reader for what's coming next, and maybe some would decline from reading it in the first place.

Reviews should be taken with an open mind; they should serve as a tool to start a constructive discussion. That's one of the main reasons we publish our work on this site.

Very nice, Spencer. Nice...



Wow that really got me into the Christmas spirit, now making me think that Santa is nothing but a big man whore thing. Oh well, it made me laugh. At first I thought the pills were poison or something, but then i read further on and...WHOOPS!

Nice job. Can't wait 'til Christmas.

Sean

Hey spencer,

Loved your script.

Thanks Beaumont. I was trying to write something funny and different. I guess I hit my mark with that goal in mind. If it made you laugh and reduced your stress I am glad to have helped.

Spencer

hey, Mc, let me stealing you frase ..."made you laugh and reduced your stress I am glad to have helped." I used to think the same with my script and I will attach one thing in your frase "...and make you think"...That's is my script porposes!