I wasn't convinced with Brad's obsession.  It seemed a little forced to me.  Wanting something that you can't have is a great theme for a story, but I didn't believe that Brad's life would crumple so quickly because of a lock of hair.  Maybe if he found more than that, a photo or a letter.  Otherwise, you told it very well.


Phil

Wow. I was really impressed with the writing. Great job.

I didn't really like the story, but I loved the way you told it. I liked that a majority of the dialogue was voiceover. It really gets into this guy's mind, and his ideas almost seem real to the audience. You have to ask yourself: what would you act like if you found some hair in a new piece of furniture? Your mind would come up with all sorts of scenarios, and this is just one of them.

Good work. Keep writing.

Hey Michel,

Fabulous piece of work you have here. it reminded me of Poe. It flowed perfectly. The dialgoue was great. Nevertheless, there some problems:

I didn't really get the obession. The connection wasn't made clear. As I was reading, I thought you should add a scene or something each time the character is with the hair to reveal what he experiences. Like if he is in a far distant land watching a female or something of this sort.  

You should also consider in having the female speak so that the guy becomes really obsessed. It shows his reality breaking and adds some terror to it.

Hope this helps,
Gabe

Thanks to everyone,

I've been recently very busy and I'll try to get on the saddle again writing a new version.

See you all soon

Michel

Michel, hey,


I don't know if there is more than one definition for "necrophilia" but if I hear that word I think of someone who likes to have sex with dead people. It's funny, though, my friend and I had a conversation last night about necrophilia and we were trying to explain it and everything, saying how it was more of a disease or fetish rather than an impulse or whatever.

I liked this short, though. I thought it was weird and kind of eerie, and I like both.

Just one thing: your descriptions. I saw some "us" in there, which is very close to "we sees" and I don't know if it's bad since the comments I've read so far don't mention anything about it. But yeah I don't know if using "us" is okay or not.

But other than that, this was good. I liked it.

Sean