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Hi Ste, Have to say I was impressed with this one, well written and well paced. An enjoyable in the darkest way story because it seems more likely the events in your script could have ( and probably have ) actually happened. I was reading an small interview from Andy McNab the other day and he mentioned the effects of war on soldiers who return back to a normal society and how many of them have either killed themselves or pretty much gone round the bend. I dont think it is a brand new topic to cover but I think you what you did so well was take a very realistic situation and portray it as honest as possible - if that makes sense? I guess what Im trying to say is that there was no need for excess gore and monsters and zombies to make it horrific - the horror was in the fact this so easily could happen in real life. I think you pulled it off very well and seemingly with ease, so much credit to you for that.
It was a little slow to start for me - there were one or two many times when the seargent appears and gives his orders - but I wouldnt worry about that. It all comes together and I think it was neccesary to have included all that you did, so that the final breakdown of Peter was pretty crystal clear.
I thought the ending was spot on and fitting to the mood of the script. A happy ending would really not have done justice to it. And I did like how you wrote the images Peter had of Michelle and Erin, it gave it a nice but depressing touch! Plus, very nice title by the way - very apt.
Yeah maybe I could have replaced the scene with Alf, and had a hallucination of Peter back in the war. I think you're right in that there's one too many scenes with the Sergeant, but if I could have gotten a scene with him 'real', then that would have helped.
When writing stories like this I try to make them as honest as possible, so pleased you thought it was.