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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Everquenching Lemonade Moderators: bert
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  Author    Everquenching Lemonade  (currently 3694 views)
steven8
Posted: March 26th, 2009, 3:25am Report to Moderator
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I saw the link to this in your signature, and came to take a look.  I have to say, Tyler, that I've read a fair number of scripts so far on this site, but this has to be my favorite to date!  This was so fun to read I rushed through it to see what was going to happen next.  And I kept hoping the reporter would stick her mic into the mom's mouth.  This was like an ultimate Jimmy Neutron's early years episode.  During his dad's first marriage, that is.  His mom would never be that terrible.  Anyway, I love it!
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Posted: March 26th, 2009, 5:48am Report to Moderator
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I didnt really get into this. I like the concept but Bobbys constant sighing and complaining didnt feel real to me, i was fed up with him!. The pushy parent is a good angle but it is HER son so her treatment of him is not very believable for me.
Its a good idea but a content bobby at the end with his parents locked up is a bit far fetched, he is 6 years old.
Its a good writing style though and the overall story of it building up and up while alienating bobby is a good one, maybe its written for children and ive missed the point of it all!
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tonkatough
Posted: March 26th, 2009, 4:50pm Report to Moderator
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Not to shabby this one. I liked how you made mother out to be an attention hogging whore when the media is in her face and the simple journey of boy who go from lemonde store owner, to messiah and Jesus knock off and then shut down.

quite a remarkable stroy arc from such a humble begining.  


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