Matt

This was indeed a slice of severe ebony black comedy. I actually enjoyed it too, contary to most of the comments above. You squeezed a lot in there for 6 pages, with all characters omitting an evident cuthroat coldness about them, indifferent to what was happening, taking it all in their stride as if it were a game of one pair leading the other two along until their eventual demise. The lesbian undertone added an intriguing dimension to it also.

It is heavily directed in places but you obviously have it mapped out vividly in your min. Anyway I think that the direction assisted the script in telling its storytelling rather than detract from it.

Are you planning on directing this yourself?

Good job, still needs some work though.

I also agree with Dreamscake and Tommyp...only slightly though.

A few questions. Did the two girls have a hand in both the murders?

...and if they did, are they supposed to be femme fatales?

Did the swings represent "something" between the two girls?

I noticed some significance with the word 'jaw' (Ben wanted to shoot his 'mommy's' jaw and both guys got shot in the jaw)...then I realised they were playing strip poker and one of the girls had to remove their bra which was the only thing they had left on....Yes, they really must've been jaw knockers...

And for the record I'd like to "see" what happens after...   (Only joking!!!)