The Status of Things by James Williams (jwent668 - Short, Comedy - A third date goes bad. 5 pages - pdf, format

I liked the facebook part at the beginning very much. --very funny and makes sense actually (makes me want to look up  statuses)

But then he became suddenly way too angry only because she called someone "skank". Then he became upset over a check and told her that right in her face - seems strange that she was with him through two dates and he was quiet all the time about paying. That might be just me though.

but loved the first part and the end too.

First, thanks to Don for posting as always.

This was an attempt for me to write something extremely low budget. Always seems like things fall through when someone wants to shoot my script because they're so difficult.

I think, with a couple of strong leads, this would be fairly entertaining. I also needed a  break from my magnum opus.

Khamanna,

Thanks for the feedback. You always read the scripts here. I wanted Jim to get angry, just might have jumped the gun a bit. Glad you liked the beginning and end.

Gonna try to be good boy on boards for a bit. Lost my cool for no reason last time here. Even deleted my account. Thanks to Don for recovering.

Hope you guys at least get a mild chuckle out of this one. Tis based on some real life experience for me.

James

Cleveland Jim, what up, bud?

Sorry, but I can't say I like this.  It's just very dull and juvenile.  BUT...biggest issue is that it's 2 talking heads, talking about boring ass stuff, like Facebook. Blah...

Just doesn't do anything at all for me.

Sorry Jeff, May have shot a blank with this one. As I said, was going extremely low budget. Which means two talking heads in an easy location. At least to me.

I'm gonna guess you're not very active on Facebook. Guess that's for us young'ns. Ha!

Thanks for reading. Sorry it didn't work for you...

James

Yeah, what happened to you, James?  Where'd ya go..and why?  Maybe a PM on that.

No, I will not do any Facebook...PERIOD!  Everyone tries to get me on there, but I'm just not going to go that route.  For one thing, I think Facebook is a very, very dangerous thing...as in people from your past popping in and getting your ass in biog trouble.  Or maybe even people you just met last night

Definitely trouble I don't need.

Facebook is mentioned in 40 percent of divorce cases nowadays. true statistic. You can flirt with all your ex-gilfriends there. Even married ones.

Being single... I love it. You need to get hip to it.

James

Get hip to being single or Facebook?

Last I heard you had a gal. But, get hip to facebook first. Then when time comes, find yourself another... Although you keep moving. FB mat not help you there much.
All my exes are less then 20 minutes away.

Also, No PM needed. Like everyone to know. Called out jonnyboy for not reviewing my opener on his offer exchange. He did in fact. Never saw it in a PM and attacked him. Felt like a total ass.

Plus, think I've had a big mouth of late. Gonna tone it down. Up to you Jeff, to sort out the arses. Don't have the somach for it anymore.

James

jwent6688

I have a son who is 24 now and married. Your script just described a conversation between him and his wife (before they were married).

I liked it. I am very very new to FB and I do not post any information on that site even remotley personal but it amazes me how the world revolves around my sons generation regarding FB and other sites.

Your writing was clean and sharp.

Jeff said something that was right on when he said " It's just very dull and juvenile"
That is exactly how my son and his wife sounded and it was over the exact thing you wrote.

For accurcy, you were dead on. For people who don't know or who don't like FB, this will be a slow read. For those who do live for it, you just gave a snapshot of what most likley is going on all over the world on a daily basis.

Good job.

Shawn.....><

Shawn,

Thanks for reading. Glad you liked it mostly. This was targeted to get young film makers interested.

Gonna catch some shit because a good deal of writers on these boards are out of touch with todays social networking.

I read the first ten of Chernobyl a long time ago. Was engrossed by it. Like so many other things, I never finished.

You're a fine writer and I appreciate your comments.

Your son is 24??? No wonder you don't get Facebook.

James

Anytime,

I think this will get attention from the younger audience. It is spot on.

You have to remember, my generation believes that social networking actually means going out and meeting each other.

I can say, It seems the lost art of inter-personal communication seems to be slowly replaced by the "extended arm self picture" of ones self along with a litney of information about me, me and me.

Whats at risk is, when we lose the compassion for listening to another persons thoughts and dreams in person, we lose site of the human element and become slaves to a grave reality. One of complete self indulgence.

By the way, I was only 10 when my wife and I had twins

As for Chernobyl, it is in a re-write with help from fellow posters here at SS.

Shawn.....><  

Quoted from Ledbetter Whats at risk is, when we lose the compassion for listening to another persons thoughts and dreams in person, we lose site of the human element and become slaves to a grave reality. One of complete self indulgence.

Sounds seriously like the '80s... And, not to be the cynic here, but I think compassion for other people, for the most part, disappeared a long time ago.

But, it's true. Social networking sites are good to go on from time to time for people but when you live on them, it's really not such a good thing. What are you gonna do, though?

Quoted from Ledbetter Whats at risk is, when we lose the compassion for listening to another persons thoughts and dreams in person, we lose site of the human element and become slaves to a grave reality. One of complete self indulgence.

Not self indulgence. Just solitude. I can prepare some great responses to girls, friends, when writing them. Because they're prepared. But, socially, I am not good on the fly. Which places like this do not help. Gotta get out there. Meet people. Converse. Whether you are looking for a woman or pitching your script. I totally agree.

Quoted from Ledbetter By the way, I was only 10 when my wife and I had twins

I commend you. Mine didn't even work at that age.

Quoted from Ledbetter As for Chernobyl, it is in a re-write with help from fellow posters here at SS.

When it's up, I will finish it. PM me if I don't notice it first.

James

Mr. Blonde,
One could make that augement regaring the eighties. The ME generation. But your second line truely hold water. When you live on line, your identity becomes what you want others to percieve you to be. Many people wind up living a lie on line and lose (as Jwent put it) the ability "be good on the fly".

Jwent, I also like your take on Solitude, verses self indulgence. I have a friend who is completly sold out to WOW. I mean he can do 48 hours at a time, sleep and get up to do it again. When I talk to him, he rambles on about his online world as though it were the most important thing going.

When I ask him what he actually has done on this side of reality, he gets bent.

Moderation, I suppose.

Shawn.....><

Hey James,

I thought this was a cute little script, but some parts worked more for me than others.  I laughed out loud at the guy's quip about moths flying out of the chicks purse.  I think we've all been there and can relate.

As far as the whole social networking angle, I think it's a good one, and one that we will be seeing more of in the future.  Although I'm not sure that I will see it, the coming attraction for the Facebook movie did look interesting.  It's funny, because my mother recently joined facebook, and I've already been on the receiving end of some raised eyebrows regarding my use of language.  Haha, well what can I say, the world is changing.

With regard to your script, as I said, I enjoyed it, but in the end it was simply a send up of a social phenomena.  Nothing worng with that per se, but I thought it hinged too much on the whole facebook thing.  I'd like to see you add more of a story here if I may be so bold.  That said, I realize that you were looking to do something low budget and that can sometimes affect our overall story.

Also, I've been off the market for a while, but I realize that the whole 3 dates things is when things are supposed to go to another level, but why not make it 5 dates or something a little longer.  I mean, although I enjoyed the moth line, I don't think I would get too peeved about having to pay for three dates.  Five or six on the other hand when all I've gotten in return are a few pecks on the cheek and we are talking a different story.

Anyway, nice attempt, and look forward to reading more.  Beast of luck.

Craig

Hi  James!

Basically a two talking header with potential. Easy to film, yeah, but it's been done. This was okay for me until I read the last  two words. Right on.

I liked the description phrases you used "leans in" and '"forks in mid air" were good. I took the phrase "moths flying out of her purse" as a double entendre. I laughed!

I think the story may have had more impact if it had started out with both parties secretly messaging their friends about their date before it was over (that's another reason he was in the bathroom). it might be funnier if they also read about the date before it's over too. A duel in cyberspace and reality. One way to go. Spice it up some from the git go.

Gary

Quoted from Craiger6 It's funny, because my mother recently joined facebook, and I've already been on the receiving end of some raised eyebrows regarding my use of language.  Haha, well what can I say, the world is changing.

First rule of Facebook, never friend your mom. I refuse to. She'd die @ some of the shit I've said on there.

Quoted from Craiger6 I'd like to see you add more of a story here if I may be so bold.  That said, I realize that you were looking to do something low budget and that can sometimes affect our overall story.

Was just trying to create an angle whereas social networking ruins a relationship before it even starts. This could be bolder though. Just wanted to keep it short.

Quoted from Craiger6 Also, I've been off the market for a while, but I realize that the whole 3 dates things is when things are supposed to go to another level, but why not make it 5 dates or something a little longer.

Depends on how expensive your date is. I've been on some. Have to sit in my house eating rice cakes waiting for my next paycheck. All for a peck noneteless.

Thanks for reading. Glad you enjoyed it mostly.

James

Gary,

As always thanks for reading. This does lack some punch. Got a real good review somewhere else, though I'd try it here.

Your input would work great if i venture to make this longer. I always feel the closer you get the the 10 page mark, you need to have a good twist. Couldn't think of one here. I think this would make a nice situational short for a couple of aspiring actors. Nothing more. Thanks for reading...

James

J,

Liked this one for what it was.  Nice and light, but lacking any payoff at the end.  Format was clean and the pages looked good.  As someone already pointed out, it seemed that Jim just got too angry too quickly at Amanda for merely suggesting they change their Facebook status.  Maybe if amanda had done something to really piss off Jim, it would strengthen the story.  At the beginning, Amanda is doing nothing but sitting by herself while jim is at the bathroom.  What if Jim had left his blackberry at the table and Amanda comes up with the bright idea to go into his Facebook account and change his status to "relationship."  And she does the same on her account.  Then she announces the big change when he gets back.  Jim would have a reason for gettin' steamed.  

From there, you could turn it into a Facebook battle as they each wield their blackberries and start changing all kinds of shitt in their accounts.  As for the ending, whatever twist you come up with should mock the whole Facebook phenom, IMO.  Nothing pops into my head right now.

I think you're on to something with this, you just need to dig deeper and really go after Facebook.

Ryan

Ryan,

Thanks for reading. Knew there wouldn't be much payoff. The way you suggested...
Could vere off in a thousand different directions with that start. I like it.

Was just trying to keep this reaallly short. Prolly isnt enough on its own that way. Gonna try to come off with a twist for it, and yes, Jim does get pissed off too easily. I just viewed at as sexual frustration and he just paid for a third dinner and will be going home unsatisfied again.

James

James

I liked this, what I would call a "dialogue" or "scene" as opposed to an actual "short" but either way it made me smile. I'm on Facebook for a while now but I would classify myself as one of those rarely posting, always wary (like Jeff) reluctant members of the said phenomenon and condescend oh so grandly to those who live on the fu?kin' thing. People say the stupidest sh?t on there, particularly on their thought of the day or quote thing beside their name at the top of the page, man it drives me nuts.

Anyway, I’ve gone off point, I found this to be well written, witty and of course very topical. Came off as something Woody Allen could've written by in the 70s if FB had been around, full of biting sarcasm and cynical undertones. For a five pager you constructed a snappy back and forth rapport between the two which had me nodding along with familiarity.

Nice job.

Col.

Thanks for reading Col.

I think I may be a bit more familiar with FB then most on this site. I don't post shit like "Heading to the gym now." Which nobody gives a fuck about. But i actually did end a relationship early over a very similar fight. So I thought this was funny. Probably moreso to me then anyone.

Glad you liked it. It does border on not being a complete story. Really only a beginning, middle, then punch line.

James

In my view, you need to make this much tighter. The first Facebook gag made me chuckle and I think you could and should cut everything leading up to it!

Unfortunately, the last Facebook gag (the punchline) felt a little flat and needs to be reworked. Maybe have the Waiter come up with a funny line?

Hey James,

Yeah, I could actually see this argument happening in real life with a couple.  As for the story, it wasn't bad at all and I actually did think it was cute.  I had a smile on my face at the end of the story, so you did a good job of putting a little bit of cheer into my day.

True, this may just be only a 'scene' and only part of a story, not an actual story itself, but it was good for what it was.

Myself, I've never even visited FaceBook and really have no interest to.  Besides, it would probably just cut into my SimplyScripts time.  :-)

Not bad work, though.

-  Mark

Rolo, Thanks for reading.

Quoted from rolo The first Facebook gag made me chuckle and I think you could and should cut everything leading up to it!

Don't quite get what you mean. The short should start out with her saying they should change their status to "In a Relationship"?? That chases all the humor in the first punch away for me. She says it at the top of pag two. Anyways, glad you got a chuckle.

rc1107,

Thanks for reading. Glad you liked it for what it is. I admit, not much. Just a simple scene.

I deliberately wrote this to see if someone would film it. It doesn't get any easier. I've already been contacted and gave one director the go ahead. We'll see if it pans out.

As i said, wasn't trying to do anything earth shattering. Just a quick, fun scene IMO.

James

That was pretty cool. A vehicle to get those one liners on about Facebook and relationships.

Thanks for reading Clorox. Glad you thought it was cool. It is what it is. Just a fight in a restaraunt. May make a funny little film with some decent acting. Thanks again..

James

Hi James,

It was a breezy read for me. Some good dialogue in there. A situation that I think could happen quite frequently.

However, it was more like a scene. Girl and guy argue, girl leaves.

What they're talking is intriguing, but the ending falls flat. The punch lacks zip.

I'm not sure if you want to expand this, because if your intention is to dramatize that scene, then it works the way it is.


Herman

CH,

This is the worst script I've ever posted here. I wrote it over a cup of coffee. For one reason. Somthing easy to film.

It's getting filmed this wedsneday. According to the producer. It's easy to tear apart, yet easy to film. In light of the "Social Network" movie coming out it is timely appropriate.

I see you did a 7WC. I will read the first ten pages tomorrow. If they're good, I'll continue. If not, I'll tell you why.

Thanks for reading.

James

I liked this alot - prob one of the best I'ev read here in along time. Usually, talking heads don't appeal to me, but this was interesting, funny and had a ring of truth to it. Thumbs up.

Quoted from jwent6688 This is the worst script I've ever posted here. I wrote it over a cup of coffee. For one reason. Somthing easy to film.

Wow, that's your worst already? To be honest, I enjoyed your "worst" script. I couldn't have written anything over a cup of coffee.

Quoted from jwent6688 It's getting filmed this Wednesday. According to the producer.

Congrats on having it produced.

I must say, reading this while listening to The Dust Brothers get their Fight Club on worked out smashingly!

Dig the Facebook man fag countermeasure muchly!
Skanktastic anger bitch bastard bickering in the middle left me flat.
Fuck Facebook! Nice wrap up! Good show, chap!

Badbaz,

Thanks for reading. Glad you enjoyed it. PM me if I can return the favour

Quoted from Coding Herman Wow, that's your worst already? To be honest, I enjoyed your "worst" script. I couldn't have written anything over a cup of coffee.

May have been two or three cups.

Quoted from Coding Herman Congrats on having it produced.

We shall see. More times then not these things fall through.

Electirc Dreamer,

Thanks for the read. Glad you liked it. Started out getting 50/50 reviews. Seems like it's leaning towards the better of late. The heated debate may have come across too fast. I agree. Glad you liked it... As always, PM me if you need a read.

James

The Status of Things has been filmed!!!!

First thing of mine to ever get made, aside from Cornetto working on The Environmentalist. William's a member of these boards. So, he'll probably read any critiques or suggestions you have. He's already gotten my two cents on it.

James

http://vimeo.com/16197396

Congrats, James!  Nice work!!!

Big time double congrats James!

How does it feel to have something in the can and online?
I like the look and feel of this, but I struggled with the sound mix.
Perhaps some generic restaurant musak would be more appropriate.
I think that tacky piano stuff makes bitchy dates funnier. =p
This is a big step and next time you're in L.A., the first round's on me!

Regards,
E.D.

Nice work on getting this filmed. I really liked your script. I can't say the same about the finished product however. It might be alot to do with personal choice etc and the way a director executes a script, but I imagined this alot differently. Alot of the shots and close ups are clunky and I'm not convinced by the two actors, which is a pitty and the biggest problem with this piece IMHO. They haven't developed these characters and there's plenty to work with. My two cents.

Check it

Hey James -

Liked this one.  Cute, sharp - good punchline.

If you're so inclined to do a rewrite (not hard, it's a short script) I'd polish up the dialog, just a bit.  A few lines - to my ears - could've been slightly smoother:

p. 1 I really like you, Jim
p. 2 Uhp (huh?).  Look at me, everybody
p. 3 I think you're special.  And I want this to work...
p. 4 Why change things now?

Sorry.  That's just me being picky.  But definitely enjoyable, and an easy script to digest...

And....definite congrats on getting it filmed!!  (Just saw the above post...I don't read other reviews until after I've formed an opinion...)

Hey James.

Congrats my man on getting this produced.

I thought the observation/comment on the "now" technology and social networking was spot on.

But the secondary message I got from this little gem, is that this type of conversation between a guy and his girl, has been and will be around for time immemorial.

Good work, very entertaining and also evocative.

Very best regards.

Martin.

I think I gave about 10 people permission to shoot this. Here's another. This is actually a big production. I'm not gonna ask Don to re-host my short over and over, I just want you all to see how pretty my name looks! and its behind the director on intro....

You have to click the lower right hand box, if anyone can fish out the youtube link, please send it to me. They renamed it "The Facebook Date"...

http://www.runwayprincess.com/#!gallery

James

Quoted from jwent6688 You have to click the lower right hand box, if anyone can fish out the youtube link, please send it to me. They renamed it "The Facebook Date"... James

Hey James,

Congrats, again.
They got a hold of a nice set for this production.
Though that's gotta be the most well lit restaurant, ever.
I couldn't retrieve a YouTube link, says it was private.
Then again, I'm no expert on the matter.

I was expecting a F*ck Facebook Bollywood musical number at the end.
They shoulda totally Slumdog Millionaire'd that up!

Another feather in your cap, good on you.
And yes, your name does look pretty in this one.

Regards,
E.D.

Quoted from Electric Dreamer I couldn't retrieve a YouTube link, says it was private. Then again, I'm no expert on the matter.

Thanks for trying. He said they didn't release it yet because its still in post production.

Quoted from Electric Dreamer I was expecting a F*ck Facebook Bollywood musical number at the end. They shoulda totally Slumdog Millionaire'd that up!

Ha ha. They actually did it in their native language too. I haven't seen that one though.

There's one more version of this in post. By a Britt. Watched the main actors film reels on IMDB and was REALLY impressed. She is smoking hot and hilarious. Plus, the director reversed the roles. Made her the man. That one I may ask Don to slap on the homepage. Thanks for watching E.D. And, yes, it was a more well lit resaurant then any Dennys I've been to. Adjust the aperture and dim the lights!

James

Hi James,

I remember reading this one a long time ago. I liked how their third date spiraled out of control, how the argument escalated.

Congratulations on achieving your goal by getting this produced...

AND on getting it produced by two different people.  

Cindy

Thanks Cindy!

I'm sure you'll see another one of these floating around soon. I get like one or two emaills about my usual scripts. This one I got 16. Just told them all to have at it. Just give me writing creds...

James

Hey James -

Congrats again!  Actually, doesn't this make three productions?  And...your name does look great.  

Congrats James!!

Kind of a weird website to have the film on. Would be nice for you if it was available for everyone on youtube. Maybe their plans are to take it to festivals?

Good work again!  

Wow. Great script. Loved it.

The dialogue flows so well and sounds very believable. The last 2 words

You had me chuckling at the end.

Very easy to film too and I see someone has! Off to watch it now!

Great script. I loved it.

It seems so real and true to the times.

Great job and congrats on getting it filmed!

Thanks for the reads. I've had this produced about 6 times now. I let the film makers know that there were other versions out there. Here's one that Don posted on the home- page, but I never stuck it in this thread...



Thanks again for the reads...

James