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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Hi Mom! Moderators: bert
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  Author    Hi Mom!  (currently 2441 views)
mcornetto
Posted: November 30th, 2011, 10:23pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Conz
is it acceptable to say "i wasnt really trying to write all that interesting a character?"

I mean, it's really a skit I guess, I'm not looking to create deep characers here, it's just a one-off little segment.

thanks though.


It's acceptable to say that.  

I got a bit more from it when I read it.  Maybe that's why I didn't realize it was a skit.  It sort of has this melancholic undertone to it that's pulling it toward drama.  Like a sad clown (as someone stated above).  It's a good thing and if you wanted to take it in that direction, you probably could successfully.  

But since you want a skit, I would try to remove the stuff that drags it into drama, tighten it and point it toward the laughs.
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albinopenguin
Posted: November 30th, 2011, 11:25pm Report to Moderator
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hey Conz,

i would LOVE to help you with your formatting, but to be honest, it's a little over my head. you would need to ask someone who's more experienced than I am. all i know is that it didn't read very smoothly. when i run into these situations i tend to re-imagine ways in which i could recreate the scenes and still have the same effect. most of the time, i end up scaling everything down. so perhaps that would work here. i definitely agree with everything that James is saying. furthermore i LOVE how you're trying to exploit internet celebs. just focus on that a bit more


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TheSecond
Posted: November 30th, 2011, 11:27pm Report to Moderator
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I'm surprised you have to explain this Conz.  Perhaps if you put a vampire or two in it, then your script would be receiving high praise!  hahahaha....

The story is a rags to riches affair based on the lunacy of today's internet culture, and its a good one.
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albinopenguin
Posted: December 1st, 2011, 12:00am Report to Moderator
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I'm going to have to disagree with you "TheSecond." I don't think it embody's the lunacy of today's internet culture at all. It has the potential to do so, but simply waving to the camera isn't enough. Even phrases like "boom goes the dynamite" were somewhat unique.

I once took a comedy class in college that taught us that comedy is simply taking one element of every day life and making it abnormal. i hate to classify "fred" as comedy, but the theory explains why he is so popular amongst tweens. he talks in a super high pitched voice. nothing more, nothing less.

in a way, this is why monty python was so popular. they featured sketches where one guy walks funny. thats it. and it worked to an extent.


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TheSecond
Posted: December 1st, 2011, 12:10am Report to Moderator
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Consider the Budweiser meme, whazzzz uuuuppp.  That is just as simple as Hi Mom and every last mullet I know was imitating it.  Not trying to split hairs.  Perhaps we have different perspectives of culture.  All good.  
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albinopenguin
Posted: December 1st, 2011, 1:43pm Report to Moderator
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same here TS. by no means am i trying to start an argument. so my sincerest apologies

to comment on your "whazzzzzzz uuuppp" meme, even that had a different ring to it. if the characters in those commercials just said "what's up" then no one would have imitated it. in the same way, "hi mom" is not absurd in any way. then again, if the character said, "hey-o mumsie!" then it would have stuck out a little. the only reason i bring this up is to inspire the writer.


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