Quoted from Forgive Hi Harry. You raise some interesting points. You script is clearly in the back-drop of certain events that make it make sense. Point is, that you haven't laid out those back-ground events. And the annoying thing is, that you could have easily done that

Well I adapted this screenplay from the feature length, the scenes with the shop keeper etc don't really happen. Although there is a bit of the 'much-loved' sequence where Iwan is practicing his speech - however he is being followed by cameras due to a mockumentary style, so I think the adaptation on that fell flat.

As for this being in the backdrop of other events, I thought it might be a bit too blatant and contrived to have something like a news broadcast, I felt that with the activists and the dialogue about the epidemic it gave away enough.

I'm debating finishing off the feature length and putting it on here - however I'm worried it may have a pre-conceived frosty reception due to the feedback that this short has garnered.

I realise I've probably written several essays with my comments, but I've been on and off this site for several years now (after being a major player after this board was initially launched) and have noticed some aspects have shifted to it being more of a 'proof-reading' service, with the additional flavour of the occasional "this was so intolerable that I couldn't get through even the first few pages" thrown in to add some spice to the scripting stir-fry. When I was first on this site between say 12-17 (no one knew my age) if some of my scripts (which were awful) had received some of the stuff I've seen written to writers here who have written fairly decent pieces - then I'm confident that I would never have written again. Although, as my writing clearly shows - I haven't in a while.

I've got 'Sharks & Snakes' posted on the series if anyone fancies giving that a look too; it has some characters who interact a little like Iwan.

And in other news its a lovely day - who fancies a premium lager?

I disagree, as I think I can "persevere" so long as there's some style, some flair, going on.  I've read scripts (even fan-fics) that didn't totally stick to the formatting standard, but the style and substance of it, kept me hooked.

Ouch! Haha, no I know what you mean! Thanks for giving it the time of day at any rate!

Agh... I didn't really mean to draw an "ouch" comment from you.

To me, that's the worst.  I feel like I deeply offended you now.  

Regardless, I will check out any other script you post because of 2 reasons.

1- you seem like a genuine good guy around these parts, and

2- you read and comment on the work of others.

Hmmm

try  http://www.simplyscripts.com/scripts/sharkssnakespilot.pdf out for size.

Thanks for making me your first post - almost feel honoured.

I'd prepare a speech for such an honour, but at heart I am but a humble man.

Haha, nah - I enjoyed offline I think it is definitely a well written piece!

On another note - do you have any scripts up on this site that I could perhaps use as divine inspiration/a template?

Thanks again for the read.

You're joining a great board, head over to the getting to know you page and introduce yourself, what you write and where you want to end up. It didn't come off harsh as a first post, but in many ways its like - a few acquaintances discussing a dodgy jumper one of them is wearing.

Instead of saying "hi I'm...." You've just rolled right up to them and denounced the offending garment. Which, as constructive as it is, may not be the most effective way to make an entrance. The guy in the jumper might even think you only walked over to provide a fashion analysis.

As for over-writing - at heart I'm a novelist so it catches up. Sometimes.

Goose, I've followed along here and tried to stay out, but I can't.

It seems like every comment that isn't glowingly positive offends you.  You don't seem to want to hear about what's wrong with your writing and you seem surprised when peeps don't read your entire script.

Telling it like it is, is the only way to go, otherwise peeps don't ever know what they're doing wrong...and never will.

Don't be offended or upset by comments intended to help.  Take everything in and don't make up excuses about why you did this, or didn't do that.  You can and should learn from all this..you really should.

And I don't mean this to be harsh at all.  But I think you do need to hear it.  Be thankful for everything you get and use it to become a better writer.

Good luck, man.

Haha, yeah I see what you mean - as you may have gathered from my other posts on this board I'm never one for much conflict.

I've followed this board for a while now quite passively, as well - but just here
I've raised a few issues that have been sort of troubling me slightly for a while now, unfortunately I haven't come across as well as I hoped. In the end making myself look like the classically scorned 'artiste' who has taken it upon himself to defend his flawed 'masterpiece' from the masses of well-meaning critics. Raising issues in response to comments on your own script is a bad choice, for future reference!

Although I'll be honest with you, it does surprise me when someone says that they couldn't make it through a script. On many other scripts, asides from mine -yes there are some that are formatted so far away from industry standard that it is impossible. But if someone has their INTs, EXTs and dialogue etc in the right places then I will always try my best to get to the end of that script before summing up my views, because personally (and this is all opinion) I would like to sculpt a well-rounded review from the whole thing. Coming from a teaching background, however, maybe I'm a little softer in my approach to criticism.

Anyway, in short, I'm going to leave my points at the door from now on and continue here (unless the next post is so challenging that I can't stop myself from replying haha!), because I love the community - especially after seeing it grow from a site that didn't even have a messageboard to what it is now.

However, if anyone would like to message me to discuss things further then I'm more than happy, because I do feel that I have some input I've just chosen the wrong thread to go into it.

Happy writing!

Goose, responding to feedback and even defending your opinion is fine and appreciated...always.

The point is this - any feedback you get has to be considered good feedback and it's free and everyone is giving their time to read and comment on your script.  You really shouldn't say things like, well, "I wish you would have read the entire script", or "I don't need an editor, I need story advice", etc.

You know?

Not trying to be an ass at all, and your input on these boards is appreciated as is everyone's.

Pre-emptive lock at author request to avert any potential silliness.

From the tone of the email, he might even be concerned about the potential for silliness on his own part.

Just a temporary measure, I am sure.  Will open back up at author's request.