Quoted from Colkurtz8 That's fine, you're taking the David Lynch vow of silence.

I like that idea. I was doing more of a Harpo Marx thing but it's a Lynch silence from now on.

Hopefully I'll come back to this at some point and do a feature script from it.

R

I like the idea of this being filmed in a straight forward manner.

If the audience has the chance to put the story together, just as the reader does, no matter what conclusion is drawn it will be exciting.  Maybe because each segment of the story seems complete and each seems to be the most important.

The viewer, like the reader, can find what seems to be the one true thread of the story, no matter where he or she looks.

For example, this last time I read it, it seems like they're all just terrorists.  Well, Caroline and Paul, anyway.  She requiring a show of violence, he watching for a news bulletin -- both of them thinking they have the power.  Both of them sitting ducks...  

I like the scene where Caroline exits the van and thanks Joseph (for the ride? for solving her problems? for not killing her?) and then Joseph asks if she has cash for the train ticket.  His concern seems like kindness, it's a surprise, then of course no, he's assuring that the operation runs smoothly... or both, or neither.

In any event, this is a very impressive creation, really, very skilled writing.

Thank you for that, CM.

You've read closely and got it. I worked on this for a long time. You mention some of the things I intended. In skilled hands it would make a good short film methinks.

Much appreciated.

I would say the cheque is in the post. But I don't know where you live. And I haven't got any money. Or a chequebook.

R

Hello Ren,

I really enjoyed this. Thought the writing was pretty spot on. Had no gripes with the end. But I also love ambiguous endings. I'll admit I don't fully know what happened but have a few Ideas. That makes it kind of fun. Have no real critiques as this story feels like it's one that just is what it is. Nice job. And agree with LC it has potential to be a great piece for a showreel. Nice job.

Jimi,

Glad you feel like that. It's one of my favourite scripts.

The ambuguity was the point. Piddled off a few but what can you do? It's gratifying to know you enjoyed it. No higher compliment can be paid. Perhaps.

Naturally I thoroughly agree it would make a good piece for a showreel. Just got to find a director, sort out the locations, get a couple of really good actors, source some fancy mask for that bit, then shoot it well. Doddle! Oh, some funding would be handy and all. Maybe one day. You never can tell.

I'm reading yours shortly. I do hope you enjoy Blood Group. Either way I'll be interested in what you think.

Keep at it.

R

Alright Renners, Old Boy.


Nice script here. Read it about five times and couldn't make any definite conclusions about the story. Not sure it matters.

Do have a concern that a concept such as this would essentially be lost on a movie audience who only really watch something once and move on to the next thing.

I would be tempted to suggest that you should find a way of telling the audience that they need to interpret things themselves...make it an overt part of the script, if you know what I mean. Like have a character say something about how life is complicated, it's all about perspectives...whatever...just something early doors to prepare people for the type of film it is...otherwise I fear it will be interpreted as a story that's not properly constructed.

Rick

Glad this one popped up in the Portal. Enjoyed it very much -- the writing especially. Efficient, spare, and that air of knowing something we don't.

I didn't read the comments until later (still haven't read the logline) and was surprised at some of the reaction. I figured I understood the deal, but then again...

Henry

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films Alright Renners, Old Boy.

Steady. Less of the old, STF. I'm in my prime. Good to hear from you.

Hang on, 'Renners, old boy' ? Are we in a Wodehouse novel? If so, I'll have a dry sherry. Splendid.

Many apologies for the delay. I've been away. No, I didn't. I was innocent. That money was just resting in my account. Holiday, honest. I was in no way evading anything.

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films Nice script here. Read it about five times and couldn't make any definite conclusions about the story. Not sure it matters.

I'm glad you think so. I still think I've peaked with it.

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films Do have a concern that a concept such as this would essentially be lost on a movie audience who only really watch something once and move on to the next thing.

Not really. I'm hardly David Lynch, I'm not even Brad Ratner, but I think if you show them something intriguing they will puzzle and ponder. Or else run away and move on, as they did with the end of Interstellar. Mind you, that was a bit of a stretch, even for me.

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films I would be tempted to suggest that you should find a way of telling the audience that they need to interpret things themselves...make it an overt part of the script, if you know what I mean.

Hmm, not really. Do go on....

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films Like have a character say something about how life is complicated, it's all about perspectives...whatever...just something early doors to prepare people for the type of film it is...otherwise I fear it will be interpreted as a story that's not properly constructed. Rick

Ooh I dunno about that. Sounds a little on the nose for me. Hmm, maybe you've got a point though. I'll have a think about it. Many thanks for the read.

R

Quoted from Stumpzian Glad this one popped up in the Portal. Enjoyed it very much -- the writing especially. Efficient, spare, and that air of knowing something we don't. I didn't read the comments until later (still haven't read the logline) and was surprised at some of the reaction. I figured I understood the deal, but then again... Henry

I thought I'd posted a reply to this already.

Hmm. It may have been one of those nights when I was a little 'tired and emotional' and unable to focus on the buttons. Or focus at all.

Obviously an unusual occasion these days. I never normally touch the stuff. That's my story, officer. And no, this isn't my car.

Glad you liked it, Henry. The script that is. I'm not doing that other thing again. I don't care if you bought me flowers and chocolates. It's just not right.

It is rather good, isn't it? The script I mean. Like Hugh Grant after that hooker business, I'm not one for blowing my own trumpet. But someone has to now again. I don't mean go with hookers. You can if you want.

Then again indeed.

One day someone with more talent and money than me might make this.

I've got about twelve pound fifty at the moment so here's hoping.

Many thanks for the read. Many apologies for the delay. You could have grown a beard Brian Blessed would be proud of in the mean time. It's just not good enough, is it?

R