Hi Col - Thanks so much for the review, it really helps to get feedback like this and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

The main negative feedback from the original draft on Simply Scipts and elsewhere is that people didn't like Carla going all kick ass. Although it was 'cool' the general consensus was she didn't actually learn any lessons from encountering these two psychopaths, losing her family and life in the process. She was still essentially the same self-obsessed annoying teenager.

The Director agreed and suggested I try a more positive solution to Carla's 'Final Destination' scenario, plus cutting out the gunfight would reduce costs as a bonus and as I was financing/producing this I was happy to do so.  

This forced me to flesh out Marvin into a much more deeper character with his own warped sense of right and wrong, philosophy and ways of looking at the world and it forced me into developing Carla more as well.  If you look at the original post I've linked the final draft of the script which changed the second half so she basically relives the whole day again but on a positive note. Although she doesn't consciously remember being killed, sub-consciously she does and this makes her re-evaluate her life like someone who's had a near death experience. In her acting differently and going down a different path Marvin decides he doesn't need to kill her or her family, he chooses a different side on a whim but it's very close. As you've probably sussed out Isabella is the more dangerous one and she always wants to kill them, the only controlling factor of the two crazed siblings is Marvin.

It is much more obvious in the final draft script that it is a second chance and is a full rewind of the day but this changed during production. We had a lot of challenges which forced us to improvise in some areas and the Director and actors put their own spin on things which is a natural part of the whole process.

Although the second half now can be interpreted several different ways I really like it and I am extremely proud of it. I'm sure some will be confused, there is the danger of that but hopefully most will come away having enjoyed it and with their own version of what happened. I also think it encourages thought and multiple viewings as there are a few subtle Easter Eggs we've planted in there. Here's a clue to one, look at the licence plate on the car as they drive off near the end

Thanks again for taking the time to watch this and write a review. I'm passing it onto the Director and other producers, they will appreciate the feedback also.

Mark

Quoted from MarkRenshaw The Director agreed and suggested I try a more positive solution to Carla's 'Final Destination' scenario, plus cutting out the gunfight would reduce costs as a bonus and as I was financing/producing this I was happy to do so.

- Yeah, as well as Carla shooting them up being implausible and somewhat counter intuitive to the theme of the story, I imagine the practicalities of shooting it made it number 1 on the list of changes in the director's mind.

Quoted from MarkRenshaw This forced me to flesh out Marvin into a much more deeper character with his own warped sense of right and wrong, philosophy and ways of looking at the world and it forced me into developing Carla more as well.  If you look at the original post I've linked the final draft of the script which changed the second half so she basically relives the whole day again but on a positive note. Although she doesn't consciously remember being killed, sub-consciously she does and this makes her re-evaluate her life like someone who's had a near death experience. In her acting differently and going down a different path Marvin decides he doesn't need to kill her or her family, he chooses a different side on a whim but it's very close. As you've probably sussed out Isabella is the more dangerous one and she always wants to kill them, the only controlling factor of the two crazed siblings is Marvin.

- As I said, all the performance were solid but Marvin in particular was a standout and he needed to be. Although he is not the protagonist, the film's primary ideas are conveyed through him so we needed to believe that he believed in what he was saying, regardless of how psychotic he appeared. He could've easily come off preachy and didactic but manages to straddle that fine line, in part due, ironically enough, to his craziness. Both siblings gave the film's mood a suitably off kilter, disconcerting vibe which was particularly palpable in the those first 8 minutes.

Quoted from MarkRenshaw Although the second half now can be interpreted several different ways I really like it and I am extremely proud of it. I'm sure some will be confused, there is the danger of that but hopefully most will come away having enjoyed it and with their own version of what happened.

- Yeah, I think most will take away there own meanings and interpretation of Carla's pre-cognizant/foreshadowing vision/dream or "second chance" while the central notion of the script remains evident for viewers paying attention.

Quoted from MarkRenshaw Here's a clue to one, look at the licence plate on the car as they drive off near the end

- I followed this up: PRG-TRY. Something "try" obviously but I can't work out what "PRG" stands for. It's only meaning I can find, acronym-wise, is Prague international airport! Can you help a slow brother out here?  

Quoted from Colkurtz8 - I followed this up: PRG-TRY. Something "try" obviously but I can't work out what "PRG" stands for. It's only meaning I can find, acronym-wise, is Prague international airport! Can you help a slow brother out here?

It short for Purgatory. The Director had this dea that in the second half she is in fact dead and in Purgatory, so we placed that easter egg so one could interpret it that way as well. As it's all a bit surreal that helps perpetuate this idea if someone interpreted it as such, or if they think maybe this is all just random images in her head as she lies dying on the floor.

Thanks for all your other comments, they echo what we were trying to achieve with this short and it's great to see that someone completely impartial gets it.  

Quoted from MarkRenshaw It short for Purgatory. The Director had this dea that in the second half she is in fact dead and in Purgatory, so we placed that easter egg so one could interpret it that way as well.

- Ah, I see. So it has nothing to do with Czech Republic's capital city?

Quoted from MarkRenshaw or if they think maybe this is all just random images in her head as she lies dying on the floor.

- I never considered the immediate-post-death-vision angle actually. The second "happier" version where she and her family get away unharmed is like some idealistic projection in her brain as the last flickers of consciousness leave her body.


Something along the lines of...



SPOILER ALERT if you haven't seen it...

































Jacob's Ladder.

Hey Mark!

Congrats on producing this one!  It looks good!  Excellent acting jobs with the leads.

- Mark

Quoted from Colkurtz8 - I never considered the immediate-post-death-vision angle actually. The second "happier" version where she and her family get away unharmed is like some idealistic projection in her brain as the last flickers of consciousness leave her body. Something along the lines of... SPOILER ALERT if you haven't seen it... Jacob's Ladder.

Exactly!  

Quoted from rc1107 Hey Mark! Congrats on producing this one!  It looks good!  Excellent acting jobs with the leads. - Mark

Thank you very much!

-Mark

Mark,

I just watched this. It's impressive, well acted and has some interesting ideas. I was a little puzzled over some of the later story choices. The first half was solid, up there with the better stuff I've seen done on a limited budget.

Whilst at first I frowned at the pair of killers, I was very pleased you strayed far away enough from NBK for it to become its own story.

The visuals were great, professional quality and the acting carried it through. Some good lines in there too.

If the director is looking for scripts then send him my way. Good work, fella. Have a chocolate teacake.

R

p.s. Some of the ideas in it are stuck in my head, like a good tune.

Really enjoyed watching this tight production. Great stuff.
The Natural Born Killers-style first half flew by.
Had I seen this before? Yes, but it was still very effective. Kudos.

Comparatively, the Jacob's Ladder-style second half was problematic.
In that nifty film, the audience is slowly introduced to Jacob's true condition.
Scenes are intercut through the film, creating an inevitability we come to accept.

However in your tale, we see the trigger pulled.
So, my first instinct was we were Tarantino/Groundhog Daying your scenario.
The cinematography was the same, so I figured: non-linear narrative.
However, the license plate was a nice touch. Helps sell everything.
Jacob's Ladder also had strict lighting rules for the "ambiguous" scenes.

Some kind of post-production process could visually cue audiences better.
Other than that, I can't wait to see the next thing you guys produce!

Regards,
EDreamer

Quoted from rendevous Mark, I just watched this. It's impressive, well-acted and has some interesting ideas. I was a little puzzled over some of the later story choices. The first half was solid, up there with the better stuff I've seen done on a limited budget. Whilst at first I frowned at the pair of killers, I was very pleased you strayed far away enough from NBK for it to become its own story. The visuals were great, professional quality and the acting carried it through. Some good lines in there too. If the director is looking for scripts then send him my way. Good work, fella. Have a chocolate teacake. R p.s. Some of the ideas in it are stuck in my head, like a good tune.

Thank you Rend, I am very pleased you watched and enjoyed this. The second half was very much a post-production edit to rescue the entire movie. It was a 3 day shoot and the police shut us down on day 2. A woman turned up with a horse show! I’m not making that up, we found this deserted picnic spot in the middle of no-where, thinking no-one would notice and a horse show turns up, then this lady who organised it called the police on us.

Anyway the Director had to improvise and he did a great job finding another location quickly and making lines up to bridge the gaps. Even so, we spent best part of 2 months sorting out post-production. I linked the pre-shooting script at the beginning of the thread, in the script it’s very obvious after she is shot she gets to relive the entire day making slightly different choices which result in her not getting killed. However instead it’s kinda open to interpretation and a bit Jacob’s Ladder but I’m very happy and proud of it.

Even though I say so myself, people have said it works even better on multiple-viewings.

PS – The director is MINE! You can’t have him!!!

Quoted from Electric Dreamer Really enjoyed watching this tight production. Great stuff. The Natural Born Killers-style first half flew by. Had I seen this before? Yes, but it was still very effective. Kudos. Comparatively, the Jacob's Ladder-style second half was problematic. In that nifty film, the audience is slowly introduced to Jacob's true condition. Scenes are intercut through the film, creating an inevitability we come to accept. However in your tale, we see the trigger pulled. So, my first instinct was we were Tarantino/Groundhog Daying your scenario. The cinematography was the same, so I figured: non-linear narrative. However, the license plate was a nice touch. Helps sell everything. Jacob's Ladder also had strict lighting rules for the "ambiguous" scenes. Some kind of post-production process could visually cue audiences better. Other than that, I can't wait to see the next thing you guys produce! Regards, EDreamer

Cheers Ed, really appreciate you watching and commenting. It is appreciated. See my notes above to Rend regarding some of the post-production issues.

It’s interesting you mention the Tarintino/Groundhog Day comparison. In the original draft I had it very Tarintino with testicles being kicked in, guns blazing and bullets galore flying everywhere but the Director talked me into writing a non-violent third act. I’m glad he did actually, I think it works really well.

Quoted from MarkRenshaw Thank you Rend, I am very pleased you watched and enjoyed this. The second half was very much a post-production edit to rescue the entire movie. It was a 3 day shoot and the police shut us down on day 2. A woman turned up with a horse show! I’m not making that up, we found this deserted picnic spot in the middle of no-where, thinking no-one would notice and a horse show turns up, then this lady who organised it called the police on us. Anyway the Director had to improvise and he did a great job finding another location quickly and making lines up to bridge the gaps. Even so, we spent best part of 2 months sorting out post-production. I linked the pre-shooting script at the beginning of the thread, in the script it’s very obvious after she is shot she gets to relive the entire day making slightly different choices which result in her not getting killed. However instead it’s kinda open to interpretation and a bit Jacob’s Ladder but I’m very happy and proud of it. Even though I say so myself, people have said it works even better on multiple-viewings. PS – The director is MINE! You can’t have him!!! Cheers Ed, really appreciate you watching and commenting. It is appreciated. See my notes above to Rend regarding some of the post-production issues. It’s interesting you mention the Tarintino/Groundhog Day comparison. In the original draft I had it very Tarintino with testicles being kicked in, guns blazing and bullets galore flying everywhere but the Director talked me into writing a non-violent third act. I’m glad he did actually, I think it works really well.

Hey Mark,
    I see that new things were posted here.  This was how we met, for those who don't know this.  I watched the short and was blown away by it, and contacted him, and Mark and I have been chatting ever since.

I really enjoyed it.  I was at the edge of my seat for this one.  I'm glad you didn't do the guns blazing either.  I like this one.  

It's about second chances and how long term decisions can alter your life in ways you can't imagine.  In a way, I think that's true.  Karma does exist and we might never know what choice we made that might have an impact years later.  

I actually enjoy writing like that in my series.  I have a lot of tough choices that my characters have to make, and they do matter later on.  Sometimes, to the point of creating alternate universes or pocket realities.

So, how is the short doing in the festival circuit?  I hope you entered quite a few of them and that it does very well and wins a few things.

Dan

Quoted from DanC So, how is the short doing in the festival circuit?  I hope you entered quite a few of them and that it does very well and wins a few things. Dan

Hi Dan, thanks for the kind words.

Strangely enough, talking about film festivals, I’ve written an article on my experiences so far and submitted it to Simply Scripts to see if it’s something they’d like to publish on their home page!

Getting back to your question though, I’ve submitted it to 19 festivals at the latest count. I’ve had 5 rejections, 2 acceptions and the rest I’m waiting to hear from but they are months away, so I won’t hear anything for a while. Of the two that have accepted, the first one called Top Shorts runs early July, so I’m getting all excited – ooooh!

Mark,

This was a solid production you should be quite proud of. I was impressed with the acting as well as the shots and editing.

I would bring more notes to the party, but this is a finished film. There were a few things that threw me off... Like calling our skinny killer guy "thunder thighs."

I did like the dialogue about the angel and time very much, but I was miffed by the end of it. I feel I need to rewatch it to get it.  I haven't read the script or comments, I'm sure you clarify that somewhere here.

Fantastic work!

James

Trailer was cool as fuck I thought, sick job on that Mark.

Did you make any bank off this bruh?

Mark,

I just finished the film, great stuff.

A good line that bridged the actions the family was "The power of if only". I thought it gives all characters a reason to be there together in the moment. The second part was also well handled, and the resolution felt much richer than how it was originally written. When she told Melvin about what her father said, it was a welcome contrast into his mind, which also gives insight into Carla.

The acting was really good, performances that did your story justice. Good luck as it makes the rounds and keep us updated on its success!

Johnny

Congrats, Mark! I can't watch it these days as I reached the point when I get heavily depressed when I watch these types of dramas. But it sounds like a very good movie, so congrats on that. I wish you further success.