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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Hannah's Demons Moderators: bert
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  Author    Hannah's Demons  (currently 6017 views)
Mr.Ripley
Posted: June 29th, 2016, 5:16pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Warren,

Decided to return a read. Seeing Lullaby has been picked up (Congrats on that), decided to do the review on this one.

SPOILERS!

Like the story however, I think this could end earlier with the girl beating the hunter at the rock scene...unless maybe something else distracts her from that. But the phone conversation at the house could take place at the woods.

Other than that, it's good.

Hope this helps,
Gabe
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Warren
Posted: June 29th, 2016, 6:15pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the read, Mr. Ripley.

Yes very excited about Lullaby.

Your view on when the story should end is shared by atleast one other reviewer. I did feel that it took too much away from the story, so I have decided to leave it alone at this point.

Thanks again


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Warren
Posted: July 8th, 2016, 12:32am Report to Moderator
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Very happy to announce that Sinister Films will be producing Hannah's Demons as well. Production is set to start once filming for Lullaby is complete.


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MarkItZero
Posted: July 8th, 2016, 11:34am Report to Moderator
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Nice Warren! This should turn out to be a very suspenseful film.


That rug really tied the room together.
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Dustin
Posted: July 8th, 2016, 12:11pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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Good luck on both counts.


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Wes
Posted: July 8th, 2016, 5:42pm Report to Moderator
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I do find myself asking which is  a psychotic hallucination and what is reality.
So, did she really kill her dad? Is there any point in killing him after she’s been forced to take the pills?
Were the pills a hallucination?
I did see the twist coming when the pills were revealed.
Over all, solid work. Thanks for sharing.


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Warren
Posted: July 8th, 2016, 6:25pm Report to Moderator
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The psychosis subsidies at the end, I feel I made this evident not only through Hannah's realization of the situation but also her father's eyes turn from black back to a normal colour.

We first see the pills from our own perspective, not Hannah's. I felt this would show that they are infact real.

Thanks for the read and positive comment.


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James McClung
Posted: July 8th, 2016, 7:10pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Warren,

Apologies. I actually read this and Evil Karma but neglected to comment. Think I might've been drinking, but I reread this one. Actually both remind me of the kind of stuff I was writing when I first started in the sense that it's immediate, tension-driven storytelling. It's an excellent place to start in terms of learning basic drama and dynamic forward momentum. The writing itself is sorta stiff and repetitive, but I appreciate the focus on clarity, and I still struggle with that business somewhat myself.

I appreciate your spirit and positive attitude though. Keep at it. I think you're on the right track. Congrats on getting picked up. Will try to keep an eye out for your work in the future. Hope you don't mind my comments are sorta on the general side, but figured I'd say something regardless.


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Warren
Posted: July 8th, 2016, 7:40pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the read, James.

Comments and feedback are always appreciated, general or otherwise.

I'm still relatively new to screenwriting, so definitely still learning and trying to develop a style for myself.

I can't wait to see my shorts come to life. It's all very surreal.

Cheers


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SteveClark
Posted: July 9th, 2016, 11:46am Report to Moderator
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Good job Warren. Congrats!


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Warren
Posted: July 9th, 2016, 1:27pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks, Steven. Appreciated..


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khamanna
Posted: July 9th, 2016, 2:37pm Report to Moderator
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Nice job, congrats Warren!
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Warren
Posted: July 9th, 2016, 4:50pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks, Khamanna.


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Nomad
Posted: July 24th, 2016, 2:21am Report to Moderator
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Hey Warren,

I wanted to test my Gimp abilities so I thought I'd make this up for your script.



P.S.  I don't own the copyright to any of the images I used.


Read my scripts here:
SOCIAL EXPERIMENT 8pg-Drama
THE BRIDGE 8pg-Horror
SCHEISSE 6pg-Horror/Comedy
MADE FOR EACH OTHER-FILMED
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Warren
Posted: July 24th, 2016, 3:16am Report to Moderator
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That is AWESOME!!!

I love it, even looks like the Hannah I have in mind.

Thanks for sharing, made my day.


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