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------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
Posted: January 21st, 2007, 7:06pm
Don't for a second think I don't know who wrote this.
Maybe I wasn't my sharpest today, but I failed to see how the stuff on the moon and the stuff in the movie theater where related. I know there was a movie showing, but I still didn't see the connection.
Maybe if someone else deciphers this I can be enlightened.
This one was left open. With Pia here, the movie and what was actually happening in theaters didn't seem to relevant. I mean you have the sci-fi on the movie screen, and the popcorn in reality, but how do they go together? And the "CRUNCH CRUNCH" seemed sort of unnecessary in my case, because I thought it was going to lead to something later, but just adding sound effects to show that someone was eating something, well, crunchy.
I didn't really find the last line that funny if that was where you were headed, but it was a good use of irony.
But other than those, this was okay. May needs a little bit of work and you can probably stretch it out a bit.
I agree with the others, but not bad for 3 pages. And you did have sci fi and popcorn in it, so it's not like it broke the rules. and it got pretty raunchy pretty quick, so that's a thumbs up right there. There were a few grammar problems though.
"Picture Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd" - George Carlin "I have to sign before you shoot me?" - Navin Johnson "It'll take time to restore chaos" - George W. Bush "Harry, I love you!" - Ben Affleck "What are you looking at, sugar t*ts?" - The man without a face "Whoever does any work on the Sabbath day must be put to death." - Exodus 31:15 "No one ever expects The Spanish Inquisition!" - The Spanish Inquisition "Matt Damon" - Matt Damon
This was a creative take on the concept but I had diffculty reading the story. It didn't flow right. It simply just cut into one scene after another without letting the reader know there was going to be a transition. The Crunch Crunch was probably was the answer to this but I think it should be described or dialgoued as sounds coming from somewhere else. Description wise, there-there. Needs a bit more editing.
It had pop corn and sci-fi, but as other readers already mentioned, you failed to linked both. There's a physical connection -since the story happens in a movie theatre were a sci-fi movie is being shown- but there’s no dramatic connection between pop corn and sci-fi; the story as a whole feels like a sex joke in which sci-fi has no relevance at all.
There’s some positive aspects as well. The way I see it, pop corn has some relevance in the story and there’s a punchline at the end (Scott’s comment) which gives the story some sense of closure.
Okay, WOW!!! I think I know the writer and to save my own embarrassment I won't guess and be wrong. This was weird, whacky, and yes I didn't get the connection between the moon and the theater. Good job for a one week exercise.
I thought the connection wasn't there between sci-fi and popcorn. And even though both were mentioned it didn't really meet the criteria for the challenge. That doesn't mean it wasn't unusual or different. And as Pia said you did do well with the english.
But there was no lead up to the sexual event. If he was at least squirming because she kept putting her hand in his lap to get popcorn - or if she seem bored and wanted to be affectionate - or it could have been established that she was a prostitue - or even if they were watching a porno sci-fi movie this would have made more sense dramatically.
Also the end didn't work for me. Not the last line - which I got a little chuckle from - but the part before that where she was looking - what exactly was she looking for?
This was kind of a joke I thought. I was just waiting for the punch line at the end, which I got and wasn't disappointed, but the I knew this was more of a comedy sketch or something than anything else.
Also, there are a load of movie theatres entering these scripts. Last time it was milkmen, this time movie theatres.
The movie that was going on on the screen was completely superfluous to the script. It was there simply for the sci-fi element, which didn't even work out in the end. You would have been better off having them watch a hologram of a regular movie, so that a future setting was implied, than what you have here instead. This wasn't sci-fi, it featured sci-fi. There is a large difference.
The actually plot was amusing though, with a funny one liner at the end.