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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Action / Adventure Scripts  ›  No Time For Love (was No Way Back)
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  Author    No Time For Love (was No Way Back)  (currently 740 views)
Don
Posted: November 5th, 2023, 1:16pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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No Time For Love (Was No Way Back) by John Stone - Short, Drama, Tragedy - A working holiday to Israel goes horribly wrong as war breaks out. 41 pages - pdf format

Beatsheet

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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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Revision History (5 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  January 17th, 2024, 9:30pm
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kcranford
Posted: November 5th, 2023, 5:39pm Report to Moderator
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Features:  Christmas Joe

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Wow John!  Not sure which adjective describes this most: troubling, touching or more importantly so relevant to this moment in time. I’m not Jewish so I had to Google “kibbutz” to get the exact meaning but that just created a deeper meaning to the story. This is well written and again, so very timely. Only a couple nits: their falling madly in love seems a bit rushed but then again you have only 24 pages to get there and who am I to question love at first sight anyway?  Also, do a quick re-read, there are a few minor typos that you’ll catch, but easily corrected. Overall, I love the story, even though the ending is tragic. I fear far too many have experienced this in their real world of late. Thanks for sharing this. Excellent writing on display.


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D.A.Banaszak
Posted: November 5th, 2023, 6:51pm Report to Moderator
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This was touching and relevant. I have a few high school friends who volunteered to work on a kibbutz. One of them went on to join the army. I have worked with a couple of Israeli engineers so I'm fairly knowledgeable about life in Israel and the culture.

You nailed it.

I caught one of the typos. It's on page 13 where Aki is introduced.


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Shakespeare on Toast
Posted: November 6th, 2023, 7:48am Report to Moderator
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Challenging the status quo and pushing boundaries

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Thanks guys.


“Asking for comments can sometimes be a disaster .”

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Shakespeare on Toast  -  December 24th, 2023, 3:59pm
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D.A.Banaszak
Posted: December 30th, 2023, 6:46pm Report to Moderator
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I like the new ending. It was definitely worth the extra work. For a moment, I had some hope for Josh.


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Shakespeare on Toast
Posted: January 15th, 2024, 1:35pm Report to Moderator
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Challenging the status quo and pushing boundaries

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Thanks Michael. Just to let you know another 10 pages added and Beat Sheet.


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