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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Action / Adventure Scripts  ›  No Time For Love (was No Way Back)
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  Author    No Time For Love (was No Way Back)  (currently 1233 views)
Don
Posted: November 5th, 2023, 1:16pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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No Time For Love (Was No Way Back) by John Stone - Short, Action, Adventure - A working holiday to a kibbutz turns in to a nightmare for volunteer Josh Gold when all hell breaks out after an attack on the kibbutz. 53 pages

Beatsheet

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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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Revision History (8 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  April 1st, 2024, 3:03pm
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kcranford
Posted: November 5th, 2023, 5:39pm Report to Moderator
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Features:  Christmas Joe

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Wow John!  Not sure which adjective describes this most: troubling, touching or more importantly so relevant to this moment in time. I’m not Jewish so I had to Google “kibbutz” to get the exact meaning but that just created a deeper meaning to the story. This is well written and again, so very timely. Only a couple nits: their falling madly in love seems a bit rushed but then again you have only 24 pages to get there and who am I to question love at first sight anyway?  Also, do a quick re-read, there are a few minor typos that you’ll catch, but easily corrected. Overall, I love the story, even though the ending is tragic. I fear far too many have experienced this in their real world of late. Thanks for sharing this. Excellent writing on display.


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D.A.Banaszak
Posted: November 5th, 2023, 6:51pm Report to Moderator
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This was touching and relevant. I have a few high school friends who volunteered to work on a kibbutz. One of them went on to join the army. I have worked with a couple of Israeli engineers so I'm fairly knowledgeable about life in Israel and the culture.

You nailed it.

I caught one of the typos. It's on page 13 where Aki is introduced.


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Stoneyscripts
Posted: November 6th, 2023, 7:48am Report to Moderator
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Thanks guys.


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Two Moons
The Deadly Fruit Of Original Sin
Bugger Bugger
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[/b]

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Stoneyscripts  -  December 24th, 2023, 3:59pm
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D.A.Banaszak
Posted: December 30th, 2023, 6:46pm Report to Moderator
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I like the new ending. It was definitely worth the extra work. For a moment, I had some hope for Josh.


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Stoneyscripts
Posted: April 1st, 2024, 4:32am Report to Moderator
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So i'm still not seeing an update of this screenplay. Stuck on 41 pages instead of the correct page count. All device is the same. If anyone is eeing the full 53 page count please let me know. Thanks.


My Screenplays

Two Moons
The Deadly Fruit Of Original Sin
Bugger Bugger
The Implosion Resistance
The Pearl Earring (Series)
And many many more...
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LC
Posted: April 1st, 2024, 4:51am Report to Moderator
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John, I'm seeing the full 53 pages.


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Stoneyscripts
Posted: April 1st, 2024, 5:09am Report to Moderator
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Oh well. That’s good. My devices only show 41 still. Must be my cookies. Seems to happen every time I update a script. Thanks Libby for looking.


My Screenplays

Two Moons
The Deadly Fruit Of Original Sin
Bugger Bugger
The Implosion Resistance
The Pearl Earring (Series)
And many many more...
[/b]
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D.A.Banaszak
Posted: April 2nd, 2024, 7:42pm Report to Moderator
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I enjoyed all 53 pages and the beatsheet.

I had a similar site update problem when I submitted a short and it was posted after Christmas. I didn’t see it posted until that Thursday. That’s when I pressed F5 and flushed the cache on my browser. I was delighted to find that it had been posted and that you and Kathy had already commented on it (thank you).

I like this version better. I think that moving the ending to the end is an improvement.  It was better when I didn’t learn what was going to happen to Josh at the very beginning. I also like it that instead of being unemployed, he becomes unemployed along with other issues, and we get to see why he’s at a loose end instead of just taking his word for it.

It’s fun watching the process of growing a project.


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Stoneyscripts
Posted: April 4th, 2024, 12:43pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for your comments Michael. I'll remember the F5 trick to reload pages.


My Screenplays

Two Moons
The Deadly Fruit Of Original Sin
Bugger Bugger
The Implosion Resistance
The Pearl Earring (Series)
And many many more...
[/b]
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