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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Unexpected
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  Author    Unexpected  (currently 490 views)
Don
Posted: February 6th, 2020, 5:17pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Unexpected by Zay Rodriguez - Short, Drama - A Latin woman is left abandoned in her relationship. She later goes on and befriends an attractive roommate who she later realizes is not so perfect after all. 34 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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eldave1
Posted: February 6th, 2020, 8:34pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted Text
FADE IN

ON A DOOR OPENING.

Exits ERIC LOPEZ, a young Latin man, no more than twenty
five years old, dragging a luggage bag. A unhappy face.


Zay - we got a problem. You have no scene header. Where are we????

Latino - not Latin.

No more than twenty five years old is pretty inefficient. Just go with ERIC LOPEZ (25).


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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S.J.
Posted: January 6th, 2021, 12:57am Report to Moderator
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Agree with eldave1's comment. And, I got lost in the camera directions. Can you tell us the story without the camera moves? I'm still going to read this through its entirety because I sense something fresh is to be found inside.
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