An Ethical Hitman by Chuck Conaway - Short, Drama - Hitman is contracted to kill someone, then gets hired by the intended target to kill the other guy. Abiding driven ethics, the hitman solves the matter very efficiently.

Production: Three roles, plus one brief off-screen role via phone chat. 7 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Nice twist at the end. I wonder if anybody had "Dang!" as their last thought. (Reference to a previous favorite intended.)

I also like the irony in the title.

Hi Chuck.

I thought i'd give this a browse as it's a short one.

LOW CLASS BAR? I have a problem with this because how do you define a low class establishment when that's just an opinion?

Also enhanced breasts in your description of the barmaid is a cliche. She either has big boobs or not. No need to point this out since most barmaids are of a particular type if you're going down that line.

"Answers a cell phone in the b.g?" I'll assume it's background for now, but I feel that's a little lazy on your part if it is.

Fork it over? Never heard this term before.

I would use close ups: Photographs no need to hide them. This would add more intrigue, so now we know what's going on.

DIMITRI
(to Betz)
"I get five hugs for starters. I get twentyy-five more after you're history"
He doubled his price when speaking to Kepler in the last scene.

UPSCALE APARTMENT? Same answer as before. LUXURY APARTMENT is better. It gives us more of an idea what you mean by upscale.

Not very professional if he's ringing Kepler at home to give him the meeting place. A sure way to get caught since they also discuss the fee.

Another piece of evidence when Dimitri stomps out his cigarette.

Why don't you show us when he ties up Betz and puts him inside the boot of his car?

How does Betz speak with his mouth duck taped? Interesting idea. Is this a comedy?

Next action line: Kepler pushes himself up. Isn't Betz the person tied up in the boot? You've lost me buddy.

There's a lot of killing  and betrayal with this short. I would change the title to BETRAYAL.

Even though the whole premise is kinda surreal to say the least, I was driven to keep on reading. I thin k this needs a lot of forensic work to get your story straight.

Dimitri isn't professional at all. He makes huge errors with the phone call and the cigarette butt.
Zora isn't clever enough to pull that stunt IMO.
Betz and Kepler sound more like Laurel & Hardy.

G
I'd give this a proper work over. You have many issues with slug lines and at one point you become confused between Kepler and Betz. Just my honest opinion but feel free to ignore that.

Good luck with this and thanks for sharing.