SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is April 24th, 2019, 10:00pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for award consideration
The scripts of the April/May OWC have been posted


The Beginners Guide to the SimplyScripts Discussion Board (WIP)

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Dramedy Scripts  ›  To The Last Detail
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    To The Last Detail  (currently 153 views)
Don
Posted: January 25th, 2019, 8:30am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
12904
Posts Per Day
1.94
To The Last Detail by Christina Katsiadakis - Short, Dramedy - A depressed mother finds a rather uncustomary way of making sure her family has nothing to worry about.  11 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged
Site Private Message
Marcela
Posted: February 1st, 2019, 11:59am Report to Moderator
Been around a while


Location
Nottingham, UK
Posts
142
Posts Per Day
0.10
Hi Christina,
it's an interesting short story! I'm not sure why Gabriel decided to keep the requested flowers always in stock? Wouldn't that be a high expense for a funeral home after 15 years? I was expecting some kind of a twist in the story but instead she just died after 15 years.
M.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 2
AlsoBen
Posted: March 18th, 2019, 12:54am Report to Moderator
Been around a while



Location
Townsville
Posts
249
Posts Per Day
0.09
Just some little stuff, but it kind of sticks out:

"INT. DAY/ FUNERAL HOME"  should be location THEN time of day, for all slugs. eg INT. CAT HOUSE - NIGHT

"ELSA walks in. She is not wearing black, or sunglasses and she looks very tired." Why would you specifically describe what she ISN'T wearing? I know it's a funeral home, but it's better to have "positive" descriptions of what she IS wearing, rather than isn't -- leave no specifics upturned.

"Elsa looks around, nervously playing with the ears of her folder" Ears?

"A couple of days later"  - how do we know??

I'm halfway through the script and the words "not customary" etc have been used too many times. We get it, it's a weird request.

I'm stopping here because I'm realizing English isn't your first language and it's not fair. I didn't get into the conceit and the language is too distracting. Please keep practising.


MY SCRIPTS:

I Don't Even Think About You Anymore (Short) 5 pages

Hera (Mystery/Drama) 83 Pages

What A Good Boy Does (Short/Drama) 10 Pages
Logged
Private Message Reply: 2 - 2
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Dramedy Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006