Just some little stuff, but it kind of sticks out: "INT. DAY/ FUNERAL HOME" should be location THEN time of day, for all slugs. eg INT. CAT HOUSE - NIGHT "ELSA walks in. She is not wearing black, or sunglasses and she looks very tired." Why would you specifically describe what she ISN'T wearing? I know it's a funeral home, but it's better to have "positive" descriptions of what she IS wearing, rather than isn't -- leave no specifics upturned. "Elsa looks around, nervously playing with the ears of her folder" Ears? "A couple of days later" - how do we know?? I'm halfway through the script and the words "not customary" etc have been used too many times. We get it, it's a weird request. I'm stopping here because I'm realizing English isn't your first language and it's not fair. I didn't get into the conceit and the language is too distracting. Please keep practising.  |