SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is September 15th, 2019, 6:09pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for award consideration
The August/September Challenge has begun!

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Family Scripts  ›  Frecklebug - WT
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Frecklebug - WT  (currently 1299 views)
Don
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 11:24am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
13257
Posts Per Day
1.95
Frecklebug by Anthony Cawood (AnthonyCawood) writing as XXX - Short, Family, Children's Fantasy - A father reassures his daughter about her freckles, neither of them realising the magical nature of their creation. 3 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  April 20th, 2018, 9:42pm
Logged
Site Private Message
MarkItZero
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 1:16pm Report to Moderator
Regular



Posts
730
Posts Per Day
0.59
Lighthearted and fun. Weird alien bug. I'll take it!


That rug really tied the room together.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 22
AnthonyCawood
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 2:54pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
UK
Posts
3020
Posts Per Day
1.41
Nice premise, think the bug needs more to bring it life.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 2 - 22
JEStaats
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 4:09pm Report to Moderator
Regular



Location
Tucson, AZ
Posts
828
Posts Per Day
0.73
This could easily go horror with little effort. It's sweet but makes my skin crawl too. What is that bug doing to leave that mark?!

Nice story. Simple and effective.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 22
HyperMatt
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 4:40pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while



Location
London, UK
Posts
468
Posts Per Day
0.51
Not usually my thing a cutesy story, but I thought it was quite good for a one pager. Especially the end, sense of magic, reminded me of Pan's Labyrinth.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 22
ScottM
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 8:37pm Report to Moderator
New-ish


Posts
61
Posts Per Day
0.11
What's BG stand for?

So is this a fantasy world where this is normal, or a fantastical occurrence in the real world?

Hard to give it what it need in one page.


Any thoughts on my work in progress would be appreciated.

The Digger

http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1521688645/s-0/#num2
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 22
Zombie Sean
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 10:45am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


A boozer, a user, and a two-time loser

Location
Anywhere there's a zombie...
Posts
1458
Posts Per Day
0.29

Quoted from ScottM
What's BG stand for?


I think it stands for background?

Cute story, though I feel like nothing much happened. Granted, it's one page but I feel like you could've done a little more with this. Reduce the dialogue and include more action. Maybe have the girl wake up in the middle of the night and see the bug before it flies off, and then she says "Special..." and falls back asleep. I dunno. It felt like there was more to this!


MY WEBSITE

CLICK A POSTER
Logged
Private Message Reply: 6 - 22
Stumpzian
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 12:57pm Report to Moderator
Regular



Location
North Carolina
Posts
681
Posts Per Day
0.35
Is a Frecklebug part of children's lore? Or did you invent it? If so, props to you, Dad, (if you are one).

A lot of people here seem to think a script is lacking if it doesn't have a twist. I don't agree. This one accomplishes exactly what it set out to do.



Logged
Private Message Reply: 7 - 22
PrussianMosby
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 4:38pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Posts
1369
Posts Per Day
0.64
Frecklebug

Nice little children tale… What else there is to say? This could work at the right place-
4


In the Head of the Driver (3p - drama, sports, SF)

Those Infinite Wolves  (8p - psychological horror)

Logged
Private Message Reply: 8 - 22
Warren
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 8:23pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Sydney, Australia
Posts
2619
Posts Per Day
2.18
Cute little story. Not a whole lot to it, but enjoyable regardless.

Another one with no fade in or out that would have exceeded the page count.

Maybe it's just me, but I feel like a screenplay needs a transition in and a transition out, even if it is one page.

I'd be interested to know if the writers of the no fade in/out scripts generally don’t include them.


To View All My Scripts Please Use The Link Below

My Website

My IMDb

Revision History (1 edits)
Warren  -  April 3rd, 2018, 11:20pm
Logged
Private Message Reply: 9 - 22
RJP
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 10:26pm Report to Moderator
New-ish


Posts
79
Posts Per Day
0.14
Nice story overall. There's some things in the dialogue that stuck out for me. Mostly your use of the word "but" through a series of exchanges. I'm guilty of using "well" a lot when I write dialogue so I know the pain.

Just thought I'd give you a heads up on that but you might want to ask someone else for their opinion.  It might be a personal nit of mine and nothing more :p
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 10 - 22
eldave1
Posted: April 4th, 2018, 10:07am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



Location
Southern California
Posts
4901
Posts Per Day
2.62
I thought this was well written.  Crisp and clean. The story is a small one - but those are the types I enjoy. Good job


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 11 - 22
CameronD
Posted: April 4th, 2018, 12:21pm Report to Moderator
Regular



Posts
606
Posts Per Day
0.29
Decent


http://www.TheFilmBox.org Movie reviews, news, and fun!
http://www.screenplaywritenow.com Write a screenplay. Write. Now.
http://www.SchismSEO.com Separate from your competition. Affordable SEO services
http://www.MyEasyGifter.com Because nobody likes receiving gift cards
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 12 - 22
jayrex
Posted: April 4th, 2018, 4:16pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Cut to three weeks earlier

Location
London, UK
Posts
1447
Posts Per Day
0.31
It's like the fairy tooth mother but for freckles.  I thought it strange the girl would quietly cry and say she thinks she likes the frecklebug.  Not unless it's cries of joy?  It just doesn't go together for me.


Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 13 - 22
ajr
Posted: April 5th, 2018, 6:11am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Posts
1268
Posts Per Day
0.35
Enjoyed it. Cute and heartwarming.


Click HERE to read JOHN LENNON'S HEAVEN https://preview.tinyurl.com/John-Lennon-s-Heaven-110-pgs/
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 14 - 22
 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Family Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006