Higgs, I think this was an obvious one of yours, I don't know how no one else figured it out. As obvious as one of Helio's.
..and that's a comliment just so you know.

I was surprised you guessed correctly.  What gave it away?

Quoted from Higgonaitor I was surprised you guessed correctly.  What gave it away?

Nothing in particular. I just think your brand of humor and the way you word things and your imagination is very distinct from everybody else. Which is a good thing. To me, it's an enormous compliment to be able to not blend in with the crowd.

Quoted from Steve-Dave I just think your brand of humor and the way you word things and your imagination is very distinct from everybody else. Which is a good thing. To me, it's an enormous compliment to be able to not blend in with the crowd.

Wow, well, thank you very much.  I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I didn’t feel very scared personally, but I can see you worked on the horror angle. And there’s definitely milk in here. Good job on that.

I’ve got mixed feelings about the concept.

(spoilers)

The meteor hitting the cow without killing it and just turning it into a source of “zombiefying” milk, really pushed my capacity of suspending my disbelief. On the other hand, the lactose intolerance problem was cleverly used in order to choose the protagonist for this story.

The execution could be improved a bit. I would have preferred to see this threat unfold in a more slow and subtle way. That would have been more creepy.

Didn’t like the joke at the ending. If it works or if it doesn’t… that’s not relevant. Since this is supposed to be an horror short, I’d suggest you to end it in on a darker tone, not with a laugh. Just my opinion.

Hope this helps.

OK, so we've got an alien invasion of the body snatchers going on starting with the cows. This feels like an episode of Veggietales...Larry Boy and the Fib From Outer Space, I believe it was. Granted, it's more horrific than Veggietales, but the premise of the aliens snatching the cow first is right in line.

The takeover was swift and definitely creepy, so you got that and the milk theme intimately involved. Your only real character was Alan and while we got a weakness, we didn't get much else out of him. Could have used a bit more backstory or something to give him some life.

The big chase is pretty good as he is cornered in the classroom. Nice suspenseful scene with his being trapped and the school being at the door.

The ending is weird though. You set up this whole green eye thing and then completely drop it at the end for a joke leaving the story totally open ended. After the setup you gave us, that really breaks down the ending to just a farce and ruins everything you worked up to. Like the others, we get minimal info on what is going on and the story ends before there is much of a resolution.

So not bad, but we could use a little more story and no punchline.

Mr. Z, thanks for the read, sorry I'm so late in getting back to you.

About the cow, yeah I agree that that is a weak part of the story, a little too "the blob" or "Slither" instead I was thinking of involving a more alien component to the story, having the asteroid replaced with a some type of tiny machine or container shot out from a spaceship conataining an alien virus, something along those lines, in order for the aliens to wipe out the human race and take over...through milk.

The joke is definetley going to go.  Although it did amuse me...

George, thank you as well for the read, and I am also sorry for getting back to you so late.

Huh.  I did not want this to be like veggie tales.  Oh well.

As for Alans characther, I tried to flesh him out with his dialogue with Ben, but I guess that didn't realy work out well enough.

And, as I said before, the joke is has had it's three strikes and is outta here.  Instead, i plan on having the plan mentioned above revealed somehow to Alan.

Thanks guys.

Tyler.

Hmm. Well, I didn’t find the milk people all that horrifying. Most of the time as I read, I wasn’t sure if this was supposed to be Horror or Comedy. After the ending, I was of course inclined to think it was the latter.

I’m not much into zombie fare but I do love “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” and stuff like “The Stepford Wives” (the original). Those are more what came to my mind, especially “The Stepford Wives” when milk was being politely offered. Which is why I was a little disappointed in the ending. Personally I think it would have been more satisfying if Alan had escaped only to be overtaken outside the school. Maybe he finds out it’s the whole town and he gets clobbered by zombies in the middle of the town square. That’s if it’s serious and not comedy. I’m still not really sure what you were going for.

A piece of plaster falling from the ceiling onto the overhead projector, thereby turning it on and blinding Alan was a bit too coincidental. Not impossible though, I suppose. But if the projector was in storage in the cellar, what are the odds it would even be plugged in?

If you keep the ending, I really think it would be better to just use milk instead of Silk. Silk just really confuses the reader at a time when the smooth flow of the dialogue is vital.

There were quite a few grammar errors. I’ll chalk most up to the deadline but it’s stuff you don’t want to get into the habit of doing.

I’m one of those radical people who think the word Earth should be capitalized when referring to the planet formally as opposed to mere dirt, but I understand I’m in the minority on the issue.

It’s eyes - its eyes - no apostrophe in the possessive. Same thing with “its wooden exterior.”

Utters - Udders

At the beginning of the cafeteria scene, you mention a “she” filling milk pitchers but don’t tell us who “she” is. And why have pitchers instead of cartons?

Teenies hand - ahh, here you do need an apostrophe and left it out. I now suspect a conspiracy -- haha

I think “entranced” or something might work better than “seems somehow distant.” I don’t know. It just seems kind of odd.

Darts past her rushing past her - this is redundant.  You could just say he darts past her and into the boy’s locker room.

Serate - separate

Students poor - pour

Rest of the student - students

Coaches quarters - coach’s or coaches’

Celing - ceiling

Windowup - window up

Mans nose -  man’s

To fond - too

Overall it has elements I like but seemed to be in early stages of development or as though you just weren’t quite sure where you were going with it at times. That’s not necessarily a bad thing - just an early stage thing for some works.

I thought it was amusing.  As horror, it wouldn't stand but as a send-up it would. If you were to go the send-up route you could keep the end joke. However, you would need to ramp up the humour content in the rest of the script - come up with some milk jokes.

The typos and grammar errors have already been pointed out - so I won't go there.