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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Horror  ›  Confessions of a Cadaver
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ChrisS and 3 Guests

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  Author    Confessions of a Cadaver  (currently 3387 views)
eldave1
Posted: December 31st, 2019, 4:33pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Matthew Taylor
Thank you both for the comments - I have decided against entering it into the competition as the prize for winning didn't really seem worth it - but I will hopefully do something with it.

Yes, the Son/Cadaver.Observer all being the same isn't meant to be a surprise, viewers will get there quickly - It's more about the revelation for the father as his son's body tells him a story.

Thanks for the reads


My pleasure


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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rc1107
Posted: March 4th, 2023, 3:08pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Matt!

I'm just getting back on the boards after a while and saw you're pretty active so I thought I'd check out some of the stories in your signature.

I read this through first, then went back and read some of the comments.  I saw this was written for a 3 page competition, and I think you did great for that forced amount of pages!  But now that that parameter's been lifted, I'm curious if you've considered visiting this again without that constraint?  I think it would work really well and there's more you'd be able to do!

Also in the comments, I read that the observer was actually a younger version of the surgeon.  I didn't get that at all, so I went back and read it again, and still didn't get that gist.  Then, I read further in the comments, and saw that was originally how the story went, but this was an updated version, and now the observer was the son. And now it makes sense again!

All in all, I did really like the story and I think it's a really cool premise, but it did leave me with a few questions... The main being 'Did the surgeon know it was his son the whole time?' It seems that he did. And if he accepted the body knowing it was his son, it does show how cold and callous he really is. But then the tears at the end of the autopsy don't really ring true. At least to me.

But that's really the only problem I had with it. And like I said, I understand the short page count, but I also think this one could be explored just a little deeper to get an even bigger arch of the surgeon's emotions, and maybe give a little more rationale of his tears at the end.

I'm liking your writing so far and I'll be checking out some more of your stuff!

- Mark


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Matthew Taylor
Posted: March 4th, 2023, 3:18pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Mark

Thanks for checking this out.

Yeah this one chopped and changed a bit after getting helpful advice from the boards.

The idea behind the final version is that he was cold and callous and so put his own sons body forward for medical training, but as he goes through the organs and scars he starts to actually see what his son went through, and gets to know him more now than he ever did when he was alive, and is hit with the guilt of that.

Good point though, I’ve never actually considered extending it past 3 pages which I can do now.

A student filmed it last year but I’ve yet to see the finished version.

That’s again for checking it out (I haven’t updated my signature much, you might find the quality of scripts varies as some are from quite a while ago lol)
I do have a feature on the boards somewhere (42.2) that I should really add to my signature

All the best

Matt


Feature

42.2

Two steps to writing a good screenplay:
1) Write a bad one
2) Fix it
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rc1107
Posted: March 4th, 2023, 3:35pm Report to Moderator
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'42.2' is the name of it? I'll add it to the list! When you find the link for it, let me know and I'll check it out!


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Matthew Taylor
Posted: March 4th, 2023, 3:51pm Report to Moderator
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Yea 42.2 is the title, found the link

https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-thriller/m-1673387831/

Have you got anything up on the boards (or coming soon) you want reading?


Feature

42.2

Two steps to writing a good screenplay:
1) Write a bad one
2) Fix it
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