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I'm just getting back on the boards after a while and saw you're pretty active so I thought I'd check out some of the stories in your signature.
I read this through first, then went back and read some of the comments. I saw this was written for a 3 page competition, and I think you did great for that forced amount of pages! But now that that parameter's been lifted, I'm curious if you've considered visiting this again without that constraint? I think it would work really well and there's more you'd be able to do!
Also in the comments, I read that the observer was actually a younger version of the surgeon. I didn't get that at all, so I went back and read it again, and still didn't get that gist. Then, I read further in the comments, and saw that was originally how the story went, but this was an updated version, and now the observer was the son. And now it makes sense again!
All in all, I did really like the story and I think it's a really cool premise, but it did leave me with a few questions... The main being 'Did the surgeon know it was his son the whole time?' It seems that he did. And if he accepted the body knowing it was his son, it does show how cold and callous he really is. But then the tears at the end of the autopsy don't really ring true. At least to me.
But that's really the only problem I had with it. And like I said, I understand the short page count, but I also think this one could be explored just a little deeper to get an even bigger arch of the surgeon's emotions, and maybe give a little more rationale of his tears at the end.
I'm liking your writing so far and I'll be checking out some more of your stuff!
Yeah this one chopped and changed a bit after getting helpful advice from the boards.
The idea behind the final version is that he was cold and callous and so put his own sons body forward for medical training, but as he goes through the organs and scars he starts to actually see what his son went through, and gets to know him more now than he ever did when he was alive, and is hit with the guilt of that.
Good point though, Iíve never actually considered extending it past 3 pages which I can do now.
A student filmed it last year but Iíve yet to see the finished version.
Thatís again for checking it out (I havenít updated my signature much, you might find the quality of scripts varies as some are from quite a while ago lol) I do have a feature on the boards somewhere (42.2) that I should really add to my signature