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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Horror  ›  Scavenge
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Don
Posted: August 5th, 2020, 4:56pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Scavenge by Steve Miles - Short, Horror - A backpacker stumbles upon an abandoned campsite only to discover he’s not alone when it comes to an appetite for scavenging. 5 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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Yuvraj
Posted: August 6th, 2020, 3:37am Report to Moderator
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Hi Steve,

Liked the script. Although not that creepy for me but still a nice read. Writing is evocative and easy to follow.

Good luck.


Most recent script: DEAD AHEAD
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_ghostwriters
Posted: August 7th, 2020, 4:01am Report to Moderator
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Very good Steve . Nice piece of work. Good visuals. I'll try to come back with something more constructive, but that's from the gut. I wasn't tripped up once and was into every word like I was seeing it rather than reading it.  -ghostiegirl.


"When I dive... I go deep, only to surface the hub when necessary."

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BarryJohn
Posted: August 7th, 2020, 11:31am Report to Moderator
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Nice... well written. Good twist at the end. I can see this easily filmed.


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stevemiles
Posted: August 7th, 2020, 4:49pm Report to Moderator
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Hi all, thanks for taking the time to read, always much appreciated.  Been away from the short script side of things for a while so it's been fun to finally blast something out - especially with all the down-time of the last few months.  Not sure it's entirely 'horror' as such - I guess potentially a touch of dark humour in there as well, depending on how you see it.

If I can return the read, just point me in the right direction.  Always happy to take a look.

Steve


My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:


http://stevemiles80.wixsite.com/sjmilesscripts
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bert
Posted: August 10th, 2020, 1:38pm Report to Moderator
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No dialogue.  Nice.  This would take a clever effects crew, but based more on practical effects than budget-breaking stuff.  The right group of students could really make this work, hope it gets noticed for you.  Well-conceived and would be a fun watch.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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stevemiles
Posted: August 11th, 2020, 7:23pm Report to Moderator
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Thank you, Bert.  Appreciate the read.

Took a bit of a gamble with this one as it would take a dedicated crew (and a fair bit of sand) to pull off.  I've been pleasantly surprised before, so fingers crossed.

Steve


My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:


http://stevemiles80.wixsite.com/sjmilesscripts
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eldave1
Posted: August 14th, 2020, 5:39pm Report to Moderator
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Not much to add here - this was really solid, IMO.  Never hit a moment where I wasn't interested.

Thought you handled the landscape visuals really well - I could feel myself there.

Very nice job.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Busy Little Bee
Posted: August 15th, 2020, 1:32pm Report to Moderator
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Hey, Steve

I agree with eldave1, especially that last part "Never hit a moment where I wasn't interested" And that's pretty much the goal, right. Nice read. Well written. Good char intro. Nice call back at the end there.


BLB


Commodus: But the Emperor Claudius knew that they were up to something. He knew they were busy little bees. And one night he sat down with one of them and he looked at her and he said, "Tell me what you have been doing, busy little bee..."
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stevemiles
Posted: August 18th, 2020, 6:28pm Report to Moderator
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Dave, BLB - many thanks.  Anything I can read in return just let me know.

Steve


My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:


http://stevemiles80.wixsite.com/sjmilesscripts
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jwent6688
Posted: September 14th, 2020, 8:33pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Steve,

This is an insanely descriptive short. You write like a director, which is a good thing. You know exactly what you want to see down to every little detail.

The writing here is exemplary. Very nice. The story feels like the start of something much bigger. Everything here would be easy to film right up until the end. If anyone made this on a budget you'd probably have to have the major action take place off screen and then just show the aftermath as the next hiker comes along. Either way I enjoyed it.

James


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stevemiles
Posted: September 16th, 2020, 5:32pm Report to Moderator
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James,

Thanks for the kind words and feedback.  I sat on this one for a while because of the potential problems in filming the end scene.  It would be pretty tough to get right but I'm holding out that a filmmaker with some practical know-how might take an interest.  Got a couple of bites so far which is nice, just feeling them out to see we can make it work.

Cheers,

Steve


My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:


http://stevemiles80.wixsite.com/sjmilesscripts
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RobbieD
Posted: September 16th, 2020, 8:40pm Report to Moderator
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Yup, really liked this Steve - well done.


MADAME DORA, CLAIRVOYANT (Horror, Short)
MALLORY GOODE  (Horror, Short)
DIRTY GRANDAD DOT COM (Comedy, Short)
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