Hey K!

Thanks for reading! Glad you enjoyed it and don't really have any qualms about it. I figured you'd like this one since it's on the tamer side compared to my other work.

Glad you like the poster, too!

Stay Spooked!

Sean

Hiya Sean,

I've gone over "The Nightly Trash Pickup" several times and even gave it a
couple of nights to marinade. I come to this conclusion: Not bad... and considering
"you," one of the horror maestros on the site, wrote it,  it's kind of disappointing.
Your reputation precedes you and sets a rather high bar. I don't think
you've reached that standard.

CONCEPT: A
POSTER:   A
STORY:     B
CHARACTER
    DEVELPMENT:  C-
EXECUTION:  C-
FINALE:    B+

Sean said:

Quoted Text Yes this was a slow-burn from start to end with not much happening in between or anything really that scary. I didn't know what else to categorize it as besides horror (instead of just leaving it as a 'short')

I'll qualify that by saying, if what you wrote here is exactly as intended and you
aren't concerned with making further changes, I respect that.
Your vision, your masterpiece.

Just my six cents for the record.
Scenes 1 and 3 of Henry and Beth walking and talking are duplications. Maybe
Scene 3 can be studying in a library, where they can peruse the net for the Creep's
(creepy house) back story.

Quoted Text Henry gulps as he looks up from the paper. Before him stands the garbage man, his face unseen.

Just a thought: What if Henry doesn't see the garbage man? But we do.
Maybe from the POV of the trash container, as Henry is trying to read the note,
behind him looms the faceless worker from phantom garbage truck.

Overall, there is a lack of horror that would give this script a boost. But there
is also a lack of tension, and your phrasing and scene choices are generally passive.
It's like you are writing this for the PG-13 audience.

If you are inclined to, boost the terror, the conflict and the stakes.

Beth kinda recounts the creep's story as if she saw it on Netflix.
I want her to tell the story as if it's an experience —in as few words as possible—
more like she visually saw what one of the victim's looked like when authorities
fished "her broken body from the lake." (as an example)
  
At the end of the third scene, I don't like that Beth "dares" Henry to talk the
old creep.  Have her stick to her horror that the creep is real.
She should implore, plead, beg with Henry not to go near the creep.
She is super cautious. Maybe Henry is super reckless and macho. That's
a good conflict to push between characters and generates tension.
We will see who is right by the story's end.

If done right, I can see this being a feature. A really good feature, which might
include Henry and even Beth sneaking into the creep's house.

Despite my disappointment, Sean, I think you have so much more to offer here.
The phantom garbage truck rolling silently through the neighborhood is eerie
and a fantastic image. The poster has sold us. Good luck...

Hi Sean,

When I read the word 'note,' I remembered a creepypasta with a similar storyline. And sure enough, the ending confirmed it for me. I'm not saying both are the same, but the concepts are alike. Other than that, the writing was nice and clean. Overall, nice effort.

Good luck.