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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Romantic Comedy Scripts  ›  Till Death Due Us Part
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  Author    Till Death Due Us Part  (currently 124 views)
Don
Posted: November 29th, 2020, 9:27am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Till Death Due Us Part by Robbie Young - Short, Rom Com - A love story between a teenage loser and a teenage serial killer. 2 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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eldave1
Posted: November 29th, 2020, 12:32pm Report to Moderator
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Really posted in the wrong area - should be Work in Progress.

I like the premise if that is what you are working for. A 16 year old female serial killer is a solid start for something different.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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BryceS
Posted: November 29th, 2020, 7:58pm Report to Moderator
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Um. Cool.

I'm gonna be honest, I thought it was funny for what it was. And I won't lie to you, Robbie, that serial Killer line from the Narrotator made me laugh, but I really think you should have at least finished a few more pages if you wanted an in-depth review of your script. But keep it up, man.
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Yuvraj
Posted: November 30th, 2020, 5:30am Report to Moderator
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Nice one. The writing was good. I felt as if the narrator had a special touch here.

I Would like to read it once it's finished.  

Good luck.
  


Most recent script: DEAD AHEAD, VULTURES
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BarryJohn
Posted: December 3rd, 2020, 6:04am Report to Moderator
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Well written visually. Telling the story from a narrative point of view was well executed - no character dialog, nice.  As it is, it's a good short. Well done


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Dustin
Posted: December 4th, 2020, 10:20am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Action speaks louder...

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I was looking for how the 'due' part played into the script, but it doesn't. This leads me to think that you don't realise the phrase is 'Till death do us part.'

It's a decent opening. What are you looking for in regard to advice/information? If you just want confirmation that you can write, I heard your voice. You have one. It's a good start.


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