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Road Trip - WT (currently 2707 views) |
Don |
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 11:32am |
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AdministratorAdministrator So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16561 Posts Per Day 1.92 |
Road Trip by Warren Duncan - Short, Sci Fi, Comedy - Everybody loves a good road trip. - pdf, format
Writer interested in feedback on this work |
| Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.
------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
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Revision History (1 edits) |
Don - April 21st, 2018, 8:13am | revised draft | | |
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Gary in Houston |
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 1:22pm |
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Old Timer
LocationTexas Posts1305 Posts Per Day 0.30 |
Bravo. Taking current events and making a fun story out of it.
Best, Gary |
| Some of my scripts:
Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner The Gambler (short) - OWC winner Skip (short) - filmed Country Road 12 (short) - filmed The Family Man (short) - filmed The Journeyers (feature) - optioned
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Reply: 1 - 26 |
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HyperMatt |
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 1:38pm |
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New
LocationLondon, UK Posts440 Posts Per Day 0.16 |
As a SpaceX fan I may be a bit biased but I really enjoyed this. Great twist. Well done for containing all that in one page. |
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Reply: 2 - 26 |
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JEStaats |
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 1:48pm |
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Old Timer No sh*t, there I was....
LocationTucson, AZ Posts1733 Posts Per Day 0.58 |
A good one-pager. My curiosity kept me going to the end as I wanted to call you out on a few issues but they were answered soon enough. I'm still pondering how a song is played silently on the radio? Good stuff, nice reveal. |
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Reply: 3 - 26 |
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PKCardinal |
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 4:20pm |
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January Project Group
LocationKansas Posts1457 Posts Per Day 0.59 |
I impressed myself by calling the setup early. (Do I get a bonus star?)
This is one of my faves. Great take on a recent, ongoing event.
Suggestion: dialogue line beginning with "Ground Control" feels stronger without the words "Ground Control." |
| PaulKWrites.com
60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature
Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror |
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Reply: 4 - 26 |
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ScottM |
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 8:19pm |
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Posts49 Posts Per Day 0.02 |
You got a laugh out of me. I really enjoyed that.
Had an idea where it was heading, but didn’t matter. |
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Reply: 5 - 26 |
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eldave1 |
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 8:47pm |
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January Project Group
LocationSouthern California Posts6874 Posts Per Day 1.86 |
Nice job - well written and topical - kudos |
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Reply: 6 - 26 |
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Zombie Sean |
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 10:40am |
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Old Timer A boozer, a user, and a two-time loser.
LocationI said Texas, she said What? Posts1583 Posts Per Day 0.23 |
This was great. Enjoyed every bit of it. |
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Reply: 7 - 26 |
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Stumpzian |
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 11:20am |
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January Project Group
LocationNorth Carolina Posts661 Posts Per Day 0.18 |
Just the right touches for this one.
The surprise at the end works only for readers. On film, we would see the red Tesla in the first scene. Does that matter? I don't think so. |
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Reply: 8 - 26 |
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PrussianMosby |
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 4:03pm |
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Posts1395 Posts Per Day 0.35 |
Road Trip
This reads as a commercial to me. As an entertaining story it's not connected properly yet; but as said, as a goofy hip auto commercial, it comes across qualified… 2 |
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Reply: 9 - 26 |
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jayrex |
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 4:45pm |
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Old Timer Cut to three weeks earlier
LocationLondon, UK Posts1419 Posts Per Day 0.22 |
I enjoyed this one a lot. Nicely done. |
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Reply: 10 - 26 |
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RJP |
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 11:43pm |
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Posts69 Posts Per Day 0.03 |
Nice bit of comedy. Smart. Well done. |
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Reply: 11 - 26 |
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FrankM |
Posted: April 3rd, 2018, 11:49pm |
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January Project Group
LocationBetween Chair and Keyboard Posts1446 Posts Per Day 0.58 |
Having the words "Space Oddity" on the car's screen makes more sense than "plays silently."
This works as completely silly (so yeah, maybe as a car commercial), but anyone who could interact with a car in space would know that sound doesn't travel there, so why talk to the driver? |
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Reply: 12 - 26 |
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CameronD |
Posted: April 4th, 2018, 12:42pm |
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Been Around
Posts540 Posts Per Day 0.14 |
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Reply: 13 - 26 |
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ajr |
Posted: April 4th, 2018, 5:41pm |
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Old Timer
Posts1476 Posts Per Day 0.27 |
There's a complete story here, and a nice reveal. I'm torn because I didn't get the chuckles that everyone else got. Solid job though and should get a nice rating. |
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Reply: 14 - 26 |
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