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Now, I knew it was going to be something good, or there'd be no irony, but I didn't connect the dots on my own. It makes sense that the police were over-terrified Americans. As we've all learned in the last few years, aliens are mostly diseased rapists and criminals.
I liked this one. It was well written. I do think that it's pretty damn close to the TZ episode it was inspired by, maybe a little too close. And, maybe I need to go back and read the rules again for this challenge, but I'm pretty sure it said "low budget". This one definitely wasn't low budget -- been seeing a lot of shorts with big set pieces.
I liked the twist -- though it's current, I have a hard time believing the aliens would come all the way to earth to give us a vaccine for COVID. I realize that it's affected millions and killed far too many people, but the impact of the reveal didn't feel very strong. And that reveal, the COVID vaccine, was pretty much the only twist on the original TZ episode, really.
Other than that, the dialogue was real strong -- the Pegg character was kinda funny, not up to date on current trends and technology. And his "They speak American" line was good. Overall, pretty good, I enjoyed it.
Mmmmmm... me too, need to go back and read the rules, I thought no COVID scripts allowed. Just kidding. Not sure I was suppose to laugh, but found some of it funny. Pegg was kinda quirky. Some very nice writing on display. Great descriptive touches. Dialogue A+. Not much to add.
Okay, I see what you did there, but only cause it resonates pretty much on par with the original. The idea is the same, somewhat, but the stakes have changed regarding the gift; cure a virus as opposed to a disease.
The takeaway here, I guess, is the visitor wanting to return Earth to its former lifeline, before all this lock-step bullshit, but I digress. We’re moving into a different state of thinking, wherein the people don’t really need healing anymore, we’re pretty much done for… it’s the planet they want to save. The gift, in my opinion should have been a big ol’ nuke that kills humans only… the great reset without any boundaries.
Writing is good IMO, and you got a knack for dialog, so kudos to the entry and working the story into the modern-day trivialities that everyone has gobbled up hook-line-and sinker.
My main issue with this one was the COVID vaccine reveal at the end -- it just seems like something that can (and I think will be) attainable and made possible by humans. Especially if someone were to read this a year or two from now, it might seem silly.
LANSING The Doctor means that he's not in the picture, so it can't be a selfie.
This! I so hate any picture now being called a "selfie" - drives me nuts. In the news there was the line "Man takes a selfie with hijacker" - but someone else took the picture, so it's just a bloody picture not a selfie!... sorry, I digress.
PEGG He speaks American?
Not heard of that language before.
Covid vaccine, cue eye-roll lol I've had enough of that bloody virus. I guess you wrote this purely for the challenge and not to actually be produced? because that Covid ending gives your script a very short shelf-life.
It was well written, nice and concise and flowed fine. It was comical but not overly funny. Lansing seems a bit of a pointless character. Could have just kept it at the Doctor and Pegg.
IMHO, this was not really a new spin on an existing idea. It was basically the exact same story. All you did was change cancer to Covid-19 and placed the event in a parking lot. The writing was fine, but you failed the mission, IMO.
How have I never seen this episode? It doesn’t even sound familiar. Guess I need to go back and watch.
I like how you just jumped into this story. I like to use “shoots a glance” a lot, but I’d recommend steering clear of that in scenes involving a bunch of guns. Nitpick
I imagine people are telling you think alien discussion/selfie bit is bogging it down, but I love a little injection of levity.
… although as I read on, this whole sketch type back and forth with the doctor and cops is getting a little long in the tooth. too schticky.
No idea what ichor is, but I’ll roll with it.
Yeah, it got a little tedious there, but I enjoyed it I guess. Cops got annoying in the end.
Great little twist to modernize this, but it really is just a re-write. I also like how the original uses an alien that looks like man better too, but I understand using the Grey to get all that explanation/realization out of the way for a 6 page max limit.
I'd list my "work" here, but I don't know how to hyperlink.
"Career" Highlights -2, count em, 2 credits on my IMDB page. -One time a fairly prominent producer e-mailed me back. -I have made more than $1000 with my writing! -I've won 2 mugs... and a thong. (polaroids of me in thong available for $10 through PM)