Sorry, I keep calling it "Barstool Confessions" instead of "Deceptions."  My bad.

"Barstool Confessions" come after the "Deceptions."

Quoted from Abe from LA This is a really smart piece of work. It all works and works well: the atmosphere, the dialogue, the twist ending. I read both, your first story and the revised story ending. The tweak is perfect.

Thank you! I mean that.  

Quoted from Abe from LA I think the theme is, maybe 'Seeing is believing' or 'Don't believe everything you see' I only asked that question because in my return to more serious screenwriting, I've spent the last few weeks delving into screenwriting basics.

I didn’t write much, if at all, for a couple of years during the pandemic. This year I realized that I missed it and wanted to get back at it, but like you, I knew I needed it to be a more serious effort. I’ve posted a few shorts and just finished a rewrite of a horror feature and I’ve been trying to focus more on the human story, character, and dialogue rather than just plot with a twist. One of the hardest things for me to get a grasp on is theme. I still feel lost in that regard, but I’m starting to get just a little better at the other stuff I just mentioned, so maybe theme will come to me one day as well.

Quoted from Abe from LA The one thing I don't like is the title. It is so Bukowski. But if nobody else has a gripe, then it's just me complaining under my breath.

I’m not married to the title at all. I don’t think I spent more than five seconds coming up with that.

Quoted from Abe from LA I was curious as to how you want readers/audience to feel because it could have some bearing on how the script is perceived or even altered. Jessica's dialogue is snappy and fascinating. It's also parsed in a way that sounds realistic and coming without bias or emotion. That's great. It's enough if that is all that the story is saying.

Much of this script was based on what family members who served as missileers at the Minot AFB have told me. Some people believe aliens exist and some of them believe they are already here and then there are those who don’t believe in them at all. I guess I intended for people to stop for a second and think about it. Do they exist, are they already here, or pure fiction?

I’m glad the dialogue worked. As mentioned earlier, it’s one of the things I’m trying to get better at, so I’m pleased that you liked it. I also had to be careful with Jessica’s dialogue especially to give a lot of information, but at the same time not spell out exactly who she is. Fine line.

Quoted from Abe from LA Ryan doesn't ask a question or two that is primal in nature.  Are humans in danger? Do the aliens have a sinister agenda? etc.

Is that a problem though? I know what you are saying, but maybe he would’ve asked if the conversation had not been cut short by the flight announcement and getting a bit drunk.

Quoted from Abe from LA Your story has similar vibes to some pretty good pieces of work. I get the same vibe as Matias' "Numbers." Obviously two different story lines, but the bar setting, the sharing of information and that fabulous choice of words, that really draw us in.

I saw that film. It was filmed in Tokyo, I believe. He was everyone’s favorite writer, I think. Maybe still is. I haven’t read anything of his in years now.

Quoted from Abe from LA I'm also thinking of two TZ episodes that had a related topic: Will the Real Martian Please Stand Up" and "Mirror Image." The latter story was loaded with suspense because the Vera Miles character was experiencing something unexplainable. And yet, she recalled reading something about a duplicate existence. Anyway, good stuff.

I’ve seen all the TZ episodes and even have them purchased on Prime, but I don’t recall those two right now. Easy enough to check on though. I loved all of them.

Quoted from Abe from LA If you are satisfied with everything about "Confessions" then I'm good with that. It's very cerebral, but not boring. I did... see that twist ending coming even before reading. Without one of them being an "alien," the story is not satisfying.

IMO, it’s just a short that was mostly written in order to take a break from the feature Pet-Cam, so I will probably leave it as is. No takers yet, but I could also shoot it myself. Would be easy enough to do. All I need is a bar.

Quoted from Abe from LA I love the fact that Ryan discovers too late that he has nothing substantial on his phone recorder.  My last thought, is maybe move the line... "What do they look like?" just before Ryan sees himself. That's a timing thing.

That is a great suggestion. My only objection to that would be that the conversation about being able to look like anything they want wouldn’t work.

Quoted from Abe from LA Nothing more to add. Just a lot of thoughts and appreciation for a wonderful short. Hopefully somebody picks up "Confessions" and stays true to your vision.

Thank you, Gary! Don’t be a stranger and please share when you have a script.