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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    Short Comedy - April '07 One Week Challenge  ›  Tall Tales
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  Author    Tall Tales  (currently 5504 views)
Posted: April 29th, 2007, 5:56pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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Tall Tales by T.J. Hundtofte (death monkey) - Short, Comedy - A man contemplates the best way to tell his wife he's lost his job. < 15 pages - pdf, format

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Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  May 13th, 2007, 1:20pm
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Zombie Sean
Posted: April 29th, 2007, 8:37pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer

A boozer, a user, and a two-time loser

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Well, Ootah (If that's your real name )

This was a funny short. I loved Harrison's imagination and the crazy things he thought up of for the excuse he was going to give his wife.

Though I think instead of "CUT TO" you use JUMP CUT if you want to jump from one moment of time to another at the same scene only a few seconds later or so.

Other than that, I liked this. I gave a few chuckles and I liked it.



Swan Song - Short, Drama (for the September 2021 OWC)
The Dead Body - Feature, Horror
Don't Go In The Shed - Short, Horror
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Posted: April 29th, 2007, 8:45pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients

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Another good effort here.  Harrison's little tale really escalated into the ridiculous side, making for some pretty good humor.  And it's definitely not easy to have humor in dialogue, especially when it's someone just talking to "themselves".  The impromptu audience at the end was a nice touch as well, and served as a good way to tie things up.

I was a little bit distracted by all of the Cut Tos and CONT'Ds, but not enough to where it took me out of the story.  I'm guessing you just have it all turned on in your software, but they're definitely not needed in future works.

Anyway, a solid effort.

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"I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper." - Steve Martin
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Posted: April 30th, 2007, 3:33am Report to Moderator
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Well done. It made me chuckle. The formatting was a bit off but then I can't blame you - being distracted by the exploding copiers and the terrorists and all.  The end was warm and cute and it gave the piece a wholesome family sort of feel.  
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Posted: April 30th, 2007, 6:08am Report to Moderator
Guest User

This was pretty good I thought.


Harrison tell some tall tales indeed.

I liked how he told this totally crazy idea to an 8 year old and then listened to her advice.

My only problems perhaps would be some over description. Especially in the beginning. I also would have liked to know what he did get fired from.

Finally, I think he was a little too happy in the end for someone who'd just lost their job.

This was a good entry however and well written too.   
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Posted: April 30th, 2007, 12:26pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group

Burnaby, British Columbia, Canada
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I thought this wsa good.  The escalation to a totally ludicrous story worked well and the dialogue was pretty funny.  You'd need a hell of an actor to pull this off but, yeah, fun script!  It had that nice harmless family feel to it, too, like it could've been Steve Martin or something.  Haha.

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Posted: April 30th, 2007, 11:11pm Report to Moderator

Write NOW! Perfect LATER!

Seattle, WA
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Very creative! I enjoyed your short. The only thing that seemed to bother me was all of hte "cut-to" direction. Stop it!

Great job.


I got nothing.  
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Posted: May 1st, 2007, 12:24am Report to Moderator
January Project Group


New York
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I enjoyed this tale as well. Very narratively written as a novel sort of except for the Cut to's, which must be deleted since it interrupts the readers flow. The whole tale he told was funny especially when it went to defeating terroists. But I doubt anyone will believe this. Poor fellow.


Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages.
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Posted: May 1st, 2007, 6:20am Report to Moderator
Old Timer

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This was a cute script. All of the crazy things he kept dreaming up...  
I would have liked to seen a little more action though. Some things that happened at the office while he is doing a V.O. and making up these whoppers.
Good effort.  

Award winning screenwriter
Available screenplays
TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy
ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror
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James McClung
Posted: May 1st, 2007, 2:39pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients

Washington, D.C.
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Haha! This one was great. Short and sweet and the humor felt laid back and natural. Harrison's "tall tale" is obviously ridiculous and completely unbelievable but I think that's what made it great. I wanted to see what he'd come up with next. The twist was decent as well though I expected something to happen along those lines. Perhaps not his daughter but his whole story seemed to be leading up to... something. I honestly didn't have many quibbles with this one. I'd lose the directing but the story and writing worked well for me. Good job.

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Posted: May 3rd, 2007, 2:50am Report to Moderator

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Cute and short. It reminds me of a commercial, I just cannot remember which one.  Think it was for Kinko's/fedx.  Still, the lies and stories built up well to a good climax.  Good Job.  Was a nice read.  


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Posted: May 11th, 2007, 7:41pm Report to Moderator
Been Around

(40.717261, -73.600087)
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I just wrote a really long review for this iand my computer deleted it.  I'm sure you share my dissapointment, because I'm not going to completely re-do it.  i will give you a re-ash of it htough:

It was funny.

The reveal of his daughter was funny, but I expected more.

I'm not sure Why I expected more, perhaps its because it seemed cliche due to the popularity of "the landlord"

good job


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Death Monkey
Posted: May 13th, 2007, 11:37pm Report to Moderator
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The All Spin Zone
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Well, I too would like to thank everyone here for reading.

There's not much I wanna address. The CUT TO's were a mistake. I had never really used transitions other than FADES before I didn't know how to convey the quick cuts in time. JUMP CUTS seems like the solution, yeah. So I learned something.

I think this is the first (and probably last) time I've ever had my work descrbed as "harmless, family fun" haha! I liked that!

But it seems like people were generally satisfied with it, which is a boost of confidence. I was looking to write a < 5 page short before the exercise because I generally tend to always write 20+ pagers, so the challenge came like a godsend.

Again, thanks for reading, everyone.

"The Flux capacitor. It's what makes time travel possible."

The Mute (short)
The Pool (short)
Tall Tales (short)
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Posted: May 14th, 2007, 1:00pm Report to Moderator
Been Around

Buenos Aires - Argentina
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I liked this one. It was pretty amusing how a little lie snowballed steadily towards an epic tale of heroism and self sacrifice, haha. And adding the little girl was a nice touch as well.

The transitions were a little distracting to read at first since there were a lot, but then I get used to them and the story flowed well.

Good job.

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The boy who could fly
Posted: May 18th, 2007, 8:18pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer

British Columbia, Canada
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I liked this one the most so far of all the entries I have read so far in this OWE, some really creative stuff here.

For some reason I was picturing Nicolas Cage as Harrison, maybe because of all the hand gestures and stuff, just seemed like a character he would play.

Don't know much more to add other that I thought it was really funny and the end with his 8 year old daughter Crissy, I thought that was a nice touch.

anyways Good job, some really funny stuff here.

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