SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is July 20th, 2019, 10:20pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for award consideration
Final Standings

Round Five (5) Standings Posted




Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    Short Comedy - April '07 One Week Challenge  ›  Tall Tales
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Tall Tales  (currently 5067 views)
Don
Posted: April 29th, 2007, 5:56pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
13139
Posts Per Day
1.95
Tall Tales by T.J. Hundtofte (death monkey) - Short, Comedy - A man contemplates the best way to tell his wife he's lost his job. < 15 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  May 13th, 2007, 1:20pm
Logged
Site Private Message
Zombie Sean
Posted: April 29th, 2007, 8:37pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


A boozer, a user, and a two-time loser

Location
Anywhere there's a zombie...
Posts
1458
Posts Per Day
0.29
Well, Ootah (If that's your real name )

This was a funny short. I loved Harrison's imagination and the crazy things he thought up of for the excuse he was going to give his wife.

Though I think instead of "CUT TO" you use JUMP CUT if you want to jump from one moment of time to another at the same scene only a few seconds later or so.

Other than that, I liked this. I gave a few chuckles and I liked it.

Sean


MY WEBSITE

CLICK A POSTER
Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 17
Shelton
Posted: April 29th, 2007, 8:45pm Report to Moderator
Moderator



Location
Chicago
Posts
3612
Posts Per Day
0.72
Another good effort here.  Harrison's little tale really escalated into the ridiculous side, making for some pretty good humor.  And it's definitely not easy to have humor in dialogue, especially when it's someone just talking to "themselves".  The impromptu audience at the end was a nice touch as well, and served as a good way to tie things up.

I was a little bit distracted by all of the Cut Tos and CONT'Ds, but not enough to where it took me out of the story.  I'm guessing you just have it all turned on in your software, but they're definitely not needed in future works.

Anyway, a solid effort.


Shelton's Website

Shelton's IMDb Profile

"I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper." - Steve Martin
Logged Offline
Site Private Message AIM Reply: 2 - 17
mcornetto
Posted: April 30th, 2007, 3:33am Report to Moderator
Guest User



Well done. It made me chuckle. The formatting was a bit off but then I can't blame you - being distracted by the exploding copiers and the terrorists and all.  The end was warm and cute and it gave the piece a wholesome family sort of feel.  
Logged
e-mail Reply: 3 - 17
tomson
Posted: April 30th, 2007, 6:08am Report to Moderator
Guest User



This was pretty good I thought.

SPOILERS:

Harrison tell some tall tales indeed.

I liked how he told this totally crazy idea to an 8 year old and then listened to her advice.

My only problems perhaps would be some over description. Especially in the beginning. I also would have liked to know what he did get fired from.

Finally, I think he was a little too happy in the end for someone who'd just lost their job.

This was a good entry however and well written too.   
Logged
e-mail Reply: 4 - 17
Heretic
Posted: April 30th, 2007, 12:26pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Burnaby, British Columbia, Canada
Posts
1712
Posts Per Day
0.31
I thought this wsa good.  The escalation to a totally ludicrous story worked well and the dialogue was pretty funny.  You'd need a hell of an actor to pull this off but, yeah, fun script!  It had that nice harmless family feel to it, too, like it could've been Steve Martin or something.  Haha.


Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 5 - 17
spencerforhire
Posted: April 30th, 2007, 11:11pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while


Write NOW! Perfect LATER!

Location
Seattle, WA
Posts
200
Posts Per Day
0.04
Very creative! I enjoyed your short. The only thing that seemed to bother me was all of hte "cut-to" direction. Stop it!

Great job.

Spencer


I got nothing.  
Logged
Site Private Message YIM Reply: 6 - 17
GM
Posted: May 1st, 2007, 12:24am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Writing

Location
New York
Posts
2145
Posts Per Day
0.45
I enjoyed this tale as well. Very narratively written as a novel sort of except for the Cut to's, which must be deleted since it interrupts the readers flow. The whole tale he told was funny especially when it went to defeating terroists. But I doubt anyone will believe this. Poor fellow.

Gabe
Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 7 - 17
CindyLKeller
Posted: May 1st, 2007, 6:20am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Posts
1576
Posts Per Day
0.28
This was a cute script. All of the crazy things he kept dreaming up...  
I would have liked to seen a little more action though. Some things that happened at the office while he is doing a V.O. and making up these whoppers.
Good effort.  
Cindy


Award winning screenwriter
Available screenplays
TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy
ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror
A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama
HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 8 - 17
James McClung
Posted: May 1st, 2007, 2:39pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Washington, D.C.
Posts
3436
Posts Per Day
0.68
Haha! This one was great. Short and sweet and the humor felt laid back and natural. Harrison's "tall tale" is obviously ridiculous and completely unbelievable but I think that's what made it great. I wanted to see what he'd come up with next. The twist was decent as well though I expected something to happen along those lines. Perhaps not his daughter but his whole story seemed to be leading up to... something. I honestly didn't have many quibbles with this one. I'd lose the directing but the story and writing worked well for me. Good job.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 9 - 17
Dethan
Posted: May 3rd, 2007, 2:50am Report to Moderator
Been around a while



Posts
105
Posts Per Day
0.02
Cute and short. It reminds me of a commercial, I just cannot remember which one.  Think it was for Kinko's/fedx.  Still, the lies and stories built up well to a good climax.  Good Job.  Was a nice read.  

Dethan


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 10 - 17
Higgonaitor
Posted: May 11th, 2007, 7:41pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
(40.717261, -73.600087)
Posts
1167
Posts Per Day
0.22
I just wrote a really long review for this iand my computer deleted it.  I'm sure you share my dissapointment, because I'm not going to completely re-do it.  i will give you a re-ash of it htough:

It was funny.

The reveal of his daughter was funny, but I expected more.

I'm not sure Why I expected more, perhaps its because it seemed cliche due to the popularity of "the landlord"

good job

-Tyler


NEW!Everquenching Lemonade:Thirsty for a comedy short?
And the Rest!

Watch Squirt! (My web-series!)
Logged
Site Private Message AIM Reply: 11 - 17
Death Monkey
Posted: May 13th, 2007, 11:37pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Viet-goddamn-nam is what happened to me!

Location
The All Spin Zone
Posts
1026
Posts Per Day
0.21
Well, I too would like to thank everyone here for reading.

There's not much I wanna address. The CUT TO's were a mistake. I had never really used transitions other than FADES before I didn't know how to convey the quick cuts in time. JUMP CUTS seems like the solution, yeah. So I learned something.

I think this is the first (and probably last) time I've ever had my work descrbed as "harmless, family fun" haha! I liked that!

But it seems like people were generally satisfied with it, which is a boost of confidence. I was looking to write a < 5 page short before the exercise because I generally tend to always write 20+ pagers, so the challenge came like a godsend.

Again, thanks for reading, everyone.


"The Flux capacitor. It's what makes time travel possible."

The Mute (short)
The Pool (short)
Tall Tales (short)
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 12 - 17
Mr.Z
Posted: May 14th, 2007, 1:00pm Report to Moderator
Regular



Location
Buenos Aires - Argentina
Posts
791
Posts Per Day
0.15
I liked this one. It was pretty amusing how a little lie snowballed steadily towards an epic tale of heroism and self sacrifice, haha. And adding the little girl was a nice touch as well.

The transitions were a little distracting to read at first since there were a lot, but then I get used to them and the story flowed well.

Good job.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 13 - 17
The boy who could fly
Posted: May 18th, 2007, 8:18pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
British Columbia, Canada
Posts
1445
Posts Per Day
0.29
I liked this one the most so far of all the entries I have read so far in this OWE, some really creative stuff here.

For some reason I was picturing Nicolas Cage as Harrison, maybe because of all the hand gestures and stuff, just seemed like a character he would play.

Don't know much more to add other that I thought it was really funny and the end with his 8 year old daughter Crissy, I thought that was a nice touch.

anyways Good job, some really funny stuff here.


Logged
Private Message Windows Live Messenger Reply: 14 - 17
 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Comedy - April '07 One Week Challenge  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006