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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Thriller Scripts  ›  Entitled Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: June 24th, 2020, 3:41pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Entitled by Russell Davis - Thriller - Three people wake up in a room with no doors or windows. They notice a casket at the far side of the room with three locks and a timer counting down. They must figure out why they are there and what happens when the timer reaches zero. 78 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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BarryJohn
Posted: June 25th, 2020, 8:34am Report to Moderator
Been around a while


Who am I? A man with a hundred stories..

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Hi Russell

Horror is not my cup of tea, but I had ten minutes to waste.. So I thought I'd read a few pagers. A few more... some more... Before I knew it, I'd reached THE END.

What a real page turner! You had me continually wanting to know what will happen next... A well written good story that asks a just question at the end.

NICE!


Who am I? A man with a hundred stories.. You want to hear one?

I live in the most beautiful country of South Africa. I'm a self employed electronics security technician. I'm four years into script writing ~ trying to make it in this ever competitive  industry.  
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Anon
Posted: June 29th, 2020, 11:39am Report to Moderator
Been around a while


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Hello writer. I dip in and out of this site so not sure if you’re a regular. But I read this. Well done for finishing a contained thriller with limited cast. It’s tough - I know! But we’ll worth dedicating time to getting it right. I think you have a set up and enough mystery to carry you along to the half way point. After that I think things need to link up more.

If you’re around and want feedback, I can add some more. But only if you want constructive criticism.
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